


Cookies from Mellark's

by sohypothetically



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Child Abuse, Complete, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-11 17:28:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 61,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7062586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sohypothetically/pseuds/sohypothetically
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Synopsis: Present Day A/U – Del Mar, California. Katniss Everdeen has had her share of tragedy. When Peet Mellark faces an event that changes his life, he relies on Katniss to help him through it. In return, he protects her from a horrible threat. Follow them through the twists and turns of one tumultuous year and its aftermath. </p><p>Rating: M due to descriptions of abuse, physical violence, some adult situations and dialogue.</p><p>Also, Katniss calls him "Peet". If this bugs you... skip it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**I do not own The Hunger Games.**

**Chapter 1: Prologue**

Katniss Everdeen was twelve when she found the note that took her Mom from her. Her Dad had been dead and gone for three months, lost in an accident which left a gaping hole in her heart. The note which seemingly took the rest of her ability to love with it said simply:

_There are reminders of your Father everywhere and I miss him too much to stay. Your Uncle Haymitch will look out for you. I love you._

Katniss knew that Haymitch was not really their Uncle. She wondered how long a friend of their Dad's would help them when even their own Mother would not stick around. Besides, she could smell the alcohol on his skin, oozing out his pores and it scared her. What would their new life be like? Would their teachers notice that they had no real parents? What would their friends say? Would Haymitch care about them at all? These questions rapidly superseded any normal thoughts of birthday parties and Christmas presents or crushes that had previously plagued Katniss.

Primrose, Katniss' ten year old sister, barely understood that both her Dad and Mom were not coming back. Katniss had to explain it to her over and over. Finally, Katniss shortened the explanation to a taciturn, "Mom doesn't love us and she left." Her heart ached at Prim's cries, but she hardened her heart to the sound and told herself that it was for the best. Prim needed to stop being a softie and give up on the dream that Mom would return.

Haymitch Abernathy came to help them pack their things and moved the sisters to his small house. It was fairly close to their old home but it might as well have been light years away. Prim thought the house smelled funny – a combination of oil from the auto body shop that Haymitch owned, sweat and an assortment of alcohols. He worked long hours, often leaving the girls to fend for themselves in a strange house. He came home late often. Some nights he arrived home already drunk to discover the girls were huddled together, asleep, on the couch. Prim would cry when he separated them for the night and he eventually just left them alone, clutching each other.

The girls slept together out of fear: Katniss for fear that Prim would be taken from her, Prim in fear that Katniss would leave like their Mom. AsKatniss;s worry grew, she became more resourceful: trading in bottles for coins, learning to cook with basic ingredients that were found cheaply, babysitting and doing odd jobs to make a little extra money. She spent almost every night making sure that Prim ate something, did her homework, and was in bed early. Katniss was first to wake and made sure that they were both at school on time. She could simply not afford for someone to take notice of them and their strange circumstances.

Worry made her lose weight and her clothes started to slip off of her. While Prim thrived on the extra love and attention from her sister, Katniss began having nightmares and became reclusive. She stayed up late reading almost anything she could: car manuals, romances, action sagas or science fiction books well into the night until she passed out from exhaustion.

She liked the car manuals best. Romances made her heart hurt. How could anyone trust someone with their heart when all they would do was leave? It was best to keep people at arm's length. That way, she reasoned, she would always be safe.

Always.

Katniss took to wearing her Dad's denim jacket. It was much too large for her, but she rolled up the sleeves until her hands showed because she thought that it still smelled of him. She also took to carrying his old camera. Photography had been a hobby of her Dad's. He had taken shots of wildlife, mostly. They had spent many a day combing the coast for the perfect shot. He had showed her how to steady her arm and breathe evenly so that she could stay in one position, waiting on the perfect shot. His own aim had been so good that he had won a few amateur competitions, bringing in extra money to help feed his family.

Katniss remembered the sunlight in his hair and the exact look of intense concentration on his face as they waited for a butterfly or ground squirrel to pause in exactly the right spot. She remembered the smile on his face when he got the shot exactly right. She remembered him. It was where she felt his presence around her. It was the one time she felt happy and free.

Katniss cried a great deal that year. She did not want Prim to see her crying, so she ran out of the small house, jacket flying, camera grasped in her hands. She ran all the way to Haymitch's Body Shop and Auto Repair on the Pacific Coast Highway where she sat huddled inside her Dad's jacket, sniffing at the collar and wiping her nose on her sleeve underneath an old and gnarled tree. She could hear the sound of Haymitch's radio and the sound of metal clanking against metal as Haymitch fixed a car. She tuned those things out, though, as she stared across the street at Mellark's Bakery, which looked welcoming and warm and wasn't noisy or smelly like Haymitch's business.

Sweeping the walk in front of the shop was a man with smiling blue eyes and wavy blonde hair. Keeping him company was a young blonde boy, whom she recognized from her grade at school. Although she had never spoken to him, she knew that he liked to laugh and talk a lot and he always had cookies in his lunch. He smelled like those cookies. Katniss knew this because she liked to sit as close to him as she could and breathe in his smell. He smelled like she imagined home - a real home, with a Mom and a Dad - would.

When the man started to sing in an off key voice making the little boy laugh, she brought the camera viewfinder up to her eye. She adjusted the focus like she had seen her Dad do so many times. She could clearly see the man's blue eyes, love shining from them. The boy smiled up at the man as sunlight glinted off of their matching blonde heads and the silver lettering on the blue aprons they wore glimmered. Katniss took her shot: the man sang and the boy hugged his little arms around the neck of the man, both of them smiling widely. She stopped clicking the shutter button only when her tears made it too hard to focus.

She did not see the boy glance at her.

Night was falling when she made it back to the Abernathy house. She stowed her camera, hung up her Dad's jacket, washed the remnants of tears off of her face, and made Prim dinner. She served Haymitch up a portion of the macaroni and cheese dinner with hotdogs in it when he walked in the door. She was surprised when Haymitch held out a fancy, special occasion cookie tray. It had a familiar blue and silver Mellark's logo on the card, a pretty silver bow and was wrapped in cellophane. The card simply said, "I am sorry you are so sad."

That night, all three of them ate cookies until they were stuffed and could not eat any more. Haymitch even forgot to drink, so many cookies did he eat. As they ate, Haymitch told Prim and Katniss stories of their Dad and him growing up. The girls laughed for until their sides ached. Katniss went to sleep with a smile on her lips and no nightmares for the first time in a long time.

She dreamt of the smell of cookies.

The next day, Katniss approached the boy after school because she had saved a cookie to share with him. He was talking to his friends, his blue shirt and blue backpack making him look even more blonde and blue-eyed. Katniss thought his hair glowing in the sunlight made him look like an angel. When she got closer to him, close enough to see the freckles on his arms, she was surprised to see a large bruise on his cheek. She was sure that the bruise had not been there the day before when she took the picture of him with his Dad.. _What had gotten him into so much trouble? Who had hit him?_ Katniss didn't know anyone who would hit a child and where the bruise was on his face it could not have been an accident.

The boy's blue eyes met her gray ones. For a moment their eyes held and it seemed like they were going to smile at each other. Katniss's eyes skittered to the bruise one more time, as if to ask the boy about its origin. When her eyes returned to his, though, he was looking down at the dirt. He scraped at the dirt with the toe of his Vans, shoulders slumped. She stared at him for a few seconds longer, then turned and slowly walked away.

Katniss clenched her hand in a fist, crushing the cookie, trailing cookie crumbs in her wake. _Why didn't the boy want to talk to her?_ She noticed a group of butterflies on Butterfly Bush. She quickly reached into her backpack and pulled out her Dad's camera. She snapped a few pictures, especially liking one of a bright orange butterfly landing on a bright yellow dandelion.

The boy raised his eyes and watched her take the shots.

Time passed. Prim convinced Haymitch to let her plant a garden in the small backyard. She made wind chimes out of old forks and knives, wiring them together with glass beads and old buttons. Katniss used Haymitch's computer to view and print her photos. She played with manipulating the images in different programs, but found two pictures that she liked best without any manipulation at all: the boy and his Dad and the butterfly and the dandelion. The other photos she printed and took to the weekly Farmer's Market and Craft Festival, nicknamed The Hobb, to sell.

By the end of the school year, Katniss had convinced Haymitch that her pictures could be sold for more money if he pretended to be the photographer. In exchange for Haymitch working some Saturdays at The Hobb, Katniss worked at Haymitch's Body Shop and Auto Repair. They split the profits from the Hobb fifty/fifty. Prim was growing most of the vegetables they ate and even had a few fruit trees and strawberries planted. Life fell into a routine and the trio learned to rely on each other. Despite Katniss and Haymitch's protests, Prim even adopted an ugly little cat that she named Buttercup. Perhaps none of them would use describe life as happy, but they were each learning to trust again.

Peet, the blonde boy who liked to wear blue, saw the little girl when she took the picture of him and his Father. He loved being at the bakery, and especially liked helping his Father sweep out front. His heart swelled with pride when he saw the way the sign that had his name on it – Mellark's – sparkled in the morning sunlight. He thought the world was a wonderful place that smelled of bread and cookies – all the scents that reminded him of his Father.

When he saw how sad the girl was, it made him sad too. He knew that something bad had happened to her family – he had heard about it at school, where the kids talked about it in a quiet way that made him think they didn't want whatever it was to spread to them. When he was alone in the bakery with his Father later that afternoon, he asked his Father if they could do something nice for the girl. His Father came up with the idea of the cookie tray: Peet picked the cookies. They wrapped the tray up and tied it with the prettiest ribbon Mellark's had. Peet wrote the card and his Father promised to deliver it to the girl.

It was while Peet's Father was gone from the bakery that Peet's world shattered. Peet was wiping off the glass display cases with a cloth when his Mother came into the bakery. Peet loved his Mother, although he was closer to his Father because they had more in common. When he saw her walk through the door, he walked over and hugged her. He noticed her frowning.

"Momma, what's wrong?"

"Why is there a tray missing?" She had a frown between her eyes. Peet didn't want his Mother to be sad or upset.

"A friend of mine from school was really sad, so I made her a tray." Peet had never done such a thing before, but his family made a good living at the bakery and his brothers sometimes took cookies or pastries to their friends.

"You made a tray for a girl because she was sad?" Peet noticed that the last word sounded sharp. As if his Mother could cut him with it, the way they sliced the French loaves for customers. He stood up straighter, no longer hugging her.

"Yes. Momma, Papa and I did it together." Peet was confused at the anger he saw on his Mother's face. _Why would she be angry? Weren't they supposed to help people who were sad or needed help?_

"Your Father helped you? Really? Or did you take the cookies yourself, you worthless boy?" Peet recoiled at the strident tone of his Mother's voice. She had never said anything like that to him, and the words hit him hard – like a slap. His lip began to shake.

"I didn't take them, Momma. Papa said I could help her because she was crying across the street. I think she wanted someone to make her feel better." He stood in front of her quietly, trying to stop the shaking. _Why was his Momma so angry?_

"Across the street? Please tell me that it was not the Everdeen girl!" When Peet did not answer, she screamed at him, "Answer me!"

Peet did not deny it, "She was so sad, Momma. I'm sure something happened to her family…"

When she struck him with the order book, Peet was totally unprepared. He fell to the ground from the force and landed on all fours.

His Mother screamed at him, "You thought you could make the Everdeen girl happy? Neither you nor your Father has a clue about how to do that. I doubt the Everdeen girl will give you a second glance because she is too smart to talk to someone as useless as you are. If she does, though, you are not to speak to her. Not Ever. Do you understand me?"

Peet got to his feet, staggering a little and holding his rapidly swelling cheekbone. His eyes were wide.

"I said: do you understand me?" His Mother's voice had quieted considerably. It scared him.

"Yes, Ma'am." He kept staring at the floor, hoping she would not notice the tears in his eyes.

Peet put ice on his face. When his Father returned, his smile quickly faded when he saw Peet's bruise. He told his son that the package had been delivered and the little girl was happy.

Later that evening, Peet heard his parents yelling. Peet asked his older brother, who heard the yelling too, if he could sleep in his room. Rye called him a baby and joked that he needed to grow up. Peet ran to his own room and cried himself to sleep but the sound of his Mother's voice calling him useless echoed in his dreams.

Several years passed. Katniss spent time at Haymitch's Body Shop and Auto Repair. She took photos and sold them. She learned to ignore the ridicule of other kids at school because she was poorer than they were. She helped Prim plant the backyard with new and interesting things to eat. Her fear of losing Prim forced her to kept Prim on a tight schedule. When the worry got to be too much, her stomach ached and the nightmares came.

Both happened often.

Katniss kept an eye on Peet: he joined sports teams, always sat with the popular kids and always seemed to be smiling. She often caught him looking at her and he would blush when their eyes met. She wanted to smile at him or ask him why he looked at her, but her mouth would go dry and she would drop her eyes to her hands, losing her nerve. She noticed that he frequently came to school with bruises. The sight is his skin mottled with purple and blue and yellow and green made Katniss's stomach ache. _Who could possibly hurt someone so kind?_

Some days he would wear blue. His eyes would sparkle and his hair would gleam and he looked so much like an angel that she could not even meet his eyes. On those days, the nightmares never came and her dreams were filled with the smell of cookies.

One beautiful Del Mar summer day, Katniss was doing an oil change when she overheard a customer in the waiting room on a cell phone. The customer had a blue and silver Mellark's bag and was talking too loudly to ignore. Mr. Mellark, he was saying, the man with the big smile and bigger heart, was in the hospital with heart failure. The prognosis didn't appear to be good. The customer did not know who would take over the bakery, but Mr. Mellark's wife seemed to be very upset by the whole thing.


	2. August

  
**Chapter 2: August**

Katniss Everdeen was no coward. Quite the contrary: she loved taking photographs in strange places, often after dark. She could fix a timing belt and change a flat tire, even on the side of a busy freeway. She did not care that most of her classmates called her "grease monkey" behind her back. She just couldn't make herself walk into Mellark's bakery and talk to Peet Mellark. She was just going to ask him how he was doing and make sure he was okay. No big deal, right? She told herself that there was no difference between this and the other times she had been in the bakery. Sure, he had never been there (to her knowledge), but she would treat him the same way she treated his brothers. What finally decided it was Prim.

"Katniss, why don't we go next door for lunch? You know that I love to look at the cakes." Prim said matter-of-factly. Katniss gaped at her. _What an easy justification! Prim, you are brilliant!_

"OK. Let's just get our sandwiches to-go, though. I have a couple of things I want to finish up in the office here." Katniss tried to sound nonchalant. Truthfully, she did not think she could eat if she and Peet were in the same room. Prim nodded.

Haymitch yelled from the repair bay, "I want a turkey and cheese panini!"

Prim giggled and Katniss rolled her eyes. Haymitch ate a limited selection of foods. This worked for Katniss, who generally ended up cooking and was terrible at it, but it meant that grilled sandwiches or turkey and cheese stuffed crescent rolls were on the menu at least twice a week.

The melodious bell jingled as Prim and Katniss stepped into the bakery. The overwhelming smell of freshly baked breads mingled with the sweeter smells of cookies, cakes and strong coffee. The bakery cases gleamed, making the pale yellow walls glow as if the bakery were lit from within. The entire personality of the place was one of warmth and quiet organization; it had been that way for as long as Katniss could remember.

The girls were greeted by a boy who was obviously friends with Peet. Prim ignored the boys and made her way over the cake and pastry display while Katniss tried to unobtrusively observe Peet while the boys talked.

"Peet, dude, you coming out with us tonight?" A tall, blonde boy asked. Katniss recognized him as Streeter, a boy from some of her classes. Streeter's hair stood up at odd angles like he had just rolled out of bed and come to the bakery. His clothes looked like he had grabbed them off the floor next to his bed.

"Nah. Not tonight." Peet said as he put a couple of breads in a Mellark's bag for an older woman with well-coiffed, white hair.

"Come on, dude!" Streeter said, "We haven't seen you at all this summer. It's the summer before senior year. We should be partying."

Peet ignored Streeter while he courteously rang up the woman's purchases. At the end of the transaction, Peet flashed the woman a mega-watt smile that left her flustered and smiling on her way out of the bakery. Katniss felt her gut tighten and thought to herself, _Maybe lunch isn't such a great idea._

"Streeter, my Dad is sick. I have to close up tonight so my Mom can visit him in the hospital. Can I help you?" It took Katniss a minute to realize that Peet was talking to _her._

When she raised her head to look at him, there was a brief flash of something - _could that be panic_ \- on his face. She cleared her throat, flustered and drawing a total blank. _Lunch, you idiot – order lunch._ "Three turkey and cheese paninis, please. To-go." Peet nodded. Katniss moved over and looked at the cakes with Prim.

"Dude, it doesn't mean you can't party with us after you're done here." Streeter continued to whine.

Peet sighed loudly, knowing he had to get rid of his friend before he could focus elsewhere. "Streeter-man, I really appreciate the offer. I just haven't been in the mood to go out. Why don't I text you later and see what's going on tonight? We'll see if we can meet up."

Streeter's face immediately brightened. "That would be awesome, dude! Awesome."

"Ok. I'll talk to you later. I have some sandwiches to make." Peet gestured to Katniss and Prim.

"Um, ok. I was hoping for a cherry fritter, too."

Peet chuckled and shook his head. He made short work of wrapping the Danish and ringing up the transaction. When the bell on the door chimed Streeter's departure, he approached the two girls and said, "Ladies, I apologize for the wait. I'll get started on those sandwiches right now. Why don't you go have a seat and I will bring them out." Peet pointed at several small wrought iron tables and chairs around the bakery.

"But we ordered them to-go." Katniss didn't mean to sound belligerent, especially the first time she was speaking to Peet in recent memory. _You're supposed to be here to ask him how his father is. Don't be a jerk._

Peet rubbed the back of his neck, his blue eyes reflecting the dark blue of his Mellark's apron. "Katniss, they are going to take a few minutes to make. If you like, I can run them over to Haymitch's?"

Katniss was baffled, Peet knew where she worked? "How did you know…"

Peet gestured at her shirt, which displayed the Haymitch's logo above her name.

Katniss blushed lightly – of course Peet knew where she worked. _It's right next door,_ _Duh._ "Oh. You don't need to bring them over to Haymitch's. We'll wait here." She hastily took a seat.

Several minutes later, Peet returned with bags of sandwiches. Katniss added drinks for all three of them and a flower shaped cookie for Prim. When Peet handed her the purchases, she noticed the bruise on his wrist. It was shades of yellow and blue and green and as large as an orange. She swore she saw smaller bruises next to it that that might reflect the shape of fingers.

"That's a pretty nasty bruise." Katniss couldn't take her eyes off of it.

Peet shrugged, hiding his embarrassment. He had years of experience and was excellent at burying that particular emotion. Sometimes he wished the bakery uniform included long sleeved shirts so he could hide more easily. "…Wrestling practice. I've had worse."

Katniss frowned. _Somehow, I doubt that's really where it came from._ She looked up at him to find his blue eyes studying her. _It's now or never…ask him how he is._ "I heard about your Dad. Is he…is he going to be alright?"

Peet sighed, and looked pained. "I don't know."

It was so obvious how much he cared about his father that Katniss felt a little envious.

"I'm sorry. I just…if you need anything…well. Haymitch's is across the street." Katniss stammered, surprising herself with her offer to help.

Prim was surprised as well, starting at her sister like she had sprouted two heads. Peet looked startled and bemused, a shy smile crossing his face. Katniss scowled at them both, grabbed the bags and made a hasty retreat, not even making sure that Prim was following her.

"What was that?" Prim asked as she and Katniss sat down at the desk to eat.

"What was what?" Katniss kept her eyes on her food.

"That conversation with Peet Mellark. You don't talk to people, usually. Especially not boys, and especially not ones from school. You were polite and actually acted concerned. Who are you and what have you done with my sister?" Prim assessed Katniss.

Katniss kept her eyes lowered and scoffed. "That's not true. What about Gale?"

Prim laughed. "Gale does not count. We grew up with him."

"We grew up with the Mellarks." Katniss countered defensively.

Prim pursed her lips and made a humming noise of disbelief. "It wasn't just the conversation. It was how you had the conversation. Do you have a thing for Peet?"

Katniss ignored the last question. "Prim, you may be 15, but you do not know everything. Now, it's time to eat. Are you hungry or not?" The whole conversation was making Katniss's stomach hurt. Any more talk about Peet and she might not be able to eat at all, which would be too bad: Mellark's made a great turkey and cheese panini.

Prim dropped the conversation, wisely interpreting the pursed lips of her sister. She dug into her bag, "Yeah, I'm starving. Oh, hey! It looks like Peet included an extra cookie by accident. Good thing you like shortbread." Prim handed Katniss a large cookie.

"Yeah. Good thing." Katniss stared at the cookie. She remembered seeing them in a different part of the display case than the chocolate chip cookie that she had ordered for Prim. Somehow she doubted that Peet had gone to two separate trays and included cookies from them both "by accident". _How had Peet know that those were her favorite?_

_-o-_

Peet Mellark stared at his father in the hospital bed. The room was quiet, the sound of the heart monitoring machines very loud in the stillness. Peet held his father's hand in his, gripping it hard. Even though it lay limply in his own. He still found it hard to believe that hands that had shaped countless loaves of breads and cookies and held him so tightly and with so much love no longer had much grip.

His father stirred. "Peeta?"

"Hi, Dad." Peet squeezed the hand in his and smiled at the blue eyes that were struggling to open.

"Is your mother here?" His father said softly.

"No." Peet had stopped lying to his father about the fact that his mother left the house every night saying she was going to the hospital but never seemed to make it.

"Good. I don't think I have much time and I want to talk to you, man-to-man." His grip tightened a bit on Peet's hand, making Peet aware of the calluses they both shared. "Son, your mother can be a hard woman. I know she has been unhappy for a long time and I've been unable to give her everything she wants. That frustrates her and she takes it out on you. I should have stopped it a long time ago. I should have been strong enough and brave enough to do something. I was a coward, afraid she would leave and that you boys wouldn't have a Mother: I believed that any mother was better than none at all. Will you forgive me?"

Peet's blue eyes filled with tears and he choked back the lump in his throat. "Yes. You loved us enough for both of you."

Peet's father's eyes closed briefly at the pain and love shimmering on his son's face. "My greatest wish for my sons is that you each find someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved." His father's eyes opened and locked with his. "Tell me about the Everdeen girl."

"Wha – What?" Peet stammered.

"The Everdeen girl: the one we brought cookies to years ago. The one Rye used to tease you about. The one you draw in that sketchbook of yours."

Peet had almost forgotten the cookie tray, but he certainly remembered all the teasing he endured from Rye on the subject of Katniss Everdeen. Rye liked to talk about how the Mellark charm worked on the ladies. He could not understand how Peet, who had his share of girl attention, seemed to be fixated on one that he had never even talked to. And the sketches - those just made Peet feel guilty, like he should have hidden them better. He could not even classify Katniss as a friend.

He finally elected to keep to the truth, "Katniss and I barely know one another."

His father made an impatient noise. "You would like to know her better, though."

Peet thought about the hundreds of sketches, the hours spent staring at her in class, the excuses to walk by Haymitch's Body Shop and Auto Repair and look in the window to see if she was working. Now was not the time to lie. "Yes. She always seems to have something going on in her head and I'm always wondering what it is."

His father laughed a soft, rusty laugh. "I am sure. You know, I was going to marry her mother."

"What?" Peet let it out almost as a yelp. "Is that why Mom hates her?"

Another laugh escaped his father. "Partly. Mostly because your Mom is a snob." They both fell silent. The description of Peet's mother was unflattering but truthful.

"Katniss came to the bakery today. She asked how you were doing."

His father squeezed his hand again. "She comes by a fair amount. …First time while you were working, though?" He did not wait for his son's nod. "Seems she has your schedule memorized."

Peet started at that thought. He knew that Katniss came by when his father worked – Mellark's was a really popular bakery and had great sandwiches. It had never dawned on him that she had never come in while he was working. In fact, she seemed to be actively avoiding him. _Did that mean something?_

"I've had a crush on her for what seems like forever. I just keep waiting for her to think I'm worth the time."

He heard his father sigh. "Peeta, sometimes girls can be resistant. You're a good-looking, smart boy with a lot going for him. Has it dawned on you to approach her first?"

Peet grimaced. "Dad, she's terrifying. Boys do not approach her. She never, ever dates. I don't even think she notices boys." _She goes out of her way to avoid me. What's so wrong with me?_

"So? Talk to her. Ask her out for a soda. Hold the door for her. Be kind to her. Most of all, son, _do something._ Don't wait until it's too late because you think she may not like you. Life is too short for regrets."

It was quiet for a moment or two when Peet asked, "Why didn't you marry her Mom?"

His father sighed. "We dated through most of high school. I thought we were really happy. Then Ken Everdeen moved to town and it didn't take long for me to see that Liz was happier with him than she was with me. We broke it off. I started dating your mother, and the rest is…" He trailed off. Peet could picture his father brokenheartedly letting go of the woman he loved because she loved another. In his mind's eye, his father looked a lot like him.

His father's soft voice brought him back to the present. "She's a good girl, takes care of her sister. You could do a lot worse. Peeta, listen to me: I've heard your mother call you useless or worse. Don't you believe it. You take a chance with this girl. You're a good son and you deserve good in life."

Peet's tears flowed again, and did not stop when his father asked him to come closer because his strength was running out. "This is important. It's going to make your mother very angry, but it's for you and your brothers. I know I haven't always taken care of you the way I should have and nothing will make up for that, but I need you to pay attention to what I am about to say. It will matter when I am gone."

His father talked and Peet cried. When it was over, Peet fell asleep holding his father's hand.


	3. September

Peet sat on his bed and stared blankly at his dress-sock clad feet. He couldn't remember what he was supposed to do next. All he could remember was that his Dad was gone; well and truly gone. He rested his head on his clasped hands and let the tears come for what felt like the hundredth time. _How could he be gone?_ Even knowing that his Dad was sick hadn't made the loss any easier or more expected. He wished that his Dad was here in the house, laughing boisterously and rushing around, making everything around him smell good.

"Peeta, stop sniveling up there and come down. Your brothers are here and we need to leave for services in five minutes." Peet's mother called up the stairs. He knew better than to be late, so he wiped his nose and finished dressing in a dark suit and tie. He looked in the mirror: pale face, blonde hair brushed back, red nose. The whole world would know he had been crying. _Does that matter?_ His missed his Dad too much to care.

A knock sounded on his door a moment before his older brother Rye barged in. He took one look at Peet's face and said, "Peet, you need to lay off the crying or the Witch will eat you alive when we go back to school." The brothers had taken to calling their mother "the Witch" when she was out of earshot.

It perfectly conveyed the way they all felt about her.

"I'm trying, bro. I just can't seem to turn it off." Peet shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at his feet.

"I came up here because there was a package was on the doorstep when I got here. It's addressed to you. Don't worry, I didn't tell Mom." Rye held out a plainly wrapped box. "You want to open it now?"

Peet shrugged, beyond caring about presents. "You open it."

Rye produced a small Swiss Army knife and cut the wrapping off the box. Inside was a photo in a frame. Rye whistled softly. "Peet, you need to see this."

Peet took a look at the photo – it was a black and white picture of him at maybe ten years old outside the bakery with his father. Both of them were laughing and hugging each other tightly. Peet thought it was just one of many perfect moments he had shared with his Dad and would never have again.

"Rye, we were so lucky to have him." Peet couldn't take his eyes off the picture.

"I know." Rye came over to him and gave him a swift hug. Peet returned it. When they broke apart, Peet raised an eyebrow and Rye followed it with, "Don't tell anyone I did that."

Peet laughed and placed the picture back in the box, noticing a small, plain card lying at the bottom. He opened it, thinking it would tell him more about the photo. The unsigned card simply said, "I am sorry you are so sad." Peet frowned at the card, a memory just out of reach nagging at him.

"Peet, Rye, time to go!" His mother's voice rang through house.

"Come on, Peet. It's show time." Rye said. He jokingly added, "And I've prepared a speech that will have all the ladies in the audience eating cake out of palm of my hand. There won't be a dry eye in the house."

Peet slipped the card into his pocket. "Yeah, well, too bad your cakes suck. Isn't that why you went to business school?"

It felt good to chuckle again, even if it was only for a moment or two.

-o-

"Katniss, are you coming?" Prim called from the living room. She was already dressed in a dark skirt and white top, her blonde hair in two braids making her look younger than her fifteen years.

Katniss looked at her reflection, disliking what she saw. She had come home from a morning of "hunting" – that's what she called it when she stalked anything and everything for photos – and realized that today was Mr. Mellark's funeral. Funerals in general sent her into a panic, reminding her of her own loss years ago. Knowing that Peet was going to be there, and that he was the one to experience the loss was too much to bear. She had taken all of that energy and searched for the photo she knew she still had of Peet and his father at the bakery. Once she found it in black and white, she printed a copy onto photo paper, and then popped it into a frame. She penned a quick note before she lost her nerve, boxed the whole thing up and begged Haymitch to deliver it. It really was a trick that she was able to avoid the questions he and Prim hurled at her about the box but she remained stony and silent about its contents.

Everyone else was ready to go and Katniss was still agonizing over what to wear. She didn't own a lot of dress clothing. She didn't date, wore coveralls or a uniform shirt at work and wore jeans or shorts to school. Why would she waste money on dresses, she reasoned, when she could buy filters or memory cards for her camera or save money for Prim's college fund? As a result, she had two suitable outfits: a black dress that her mother had worn to her father's funeral, or a blue and white sundress that reminded her painfully of Peet's eyes.

"Sweetheart, you need to move it along if we are going to this thing…"Haymitch only called her sweetheart when he wanted to annoy her.

She heard Prim laugh and add, "Come on, Katniss! We don't want to be late. There's already traffic at the church."

Katniss hastily put on the sundress. She left her hair loose, slid on some lipgloss and a little bit of eyeliner – she didn't normally wear makeup, but the occasion seemed to warrant it – and slipped on some flats. When she left the room, she purposely avoided the mirror because she was already a bundle of nerves.

"Katniss, you look great!" Prim looked flabbergasted. "Haymitch, doesn't she look beautiful?"

Haymitch looked uncomfortable in his dark blazer, trousers, shirt and tie. He just stared at Katniss and said slowly, "Too bad she has the personality of a slug."

Katniss frowned at Haymitch who scowled right back. Prim laughed and said, "Look, you two, we can fight about this later. Right now we've got to get going!" Then, as if she couldn't resist badgering her sister, she added with a wink, "Katniss's boyfriend is waiting."

As Prim had predicted, the church was crowded. Katniss caught several glimpses of Peet and his brothers during the service. Peet seemed upset through most of the event, but pulled himself together so he and his brothers could say a few words about his father. Katniss refused to admit that her eyes were damp, while Haymitch had to pass his handkerchief to Prim before the boys were finished. _Crying will not bring Mr. Mellark back,_ Katniss told herself sternly. She immediately silences the little voice inside her head that countered with, _you're not crying for Mr. Mellark. You're crying for Peet._

The receiving line passed slowly, so Katniss had plenty of time to perfect the single line: how hard could it be to say, "I am so sorry for your loss?" Her stomach ached and her palms were sweaty by the time she was face to face with the Mellark family. She managed to murmur her line perfectly to the three boys. When faced with the cold, blue eyes of Mrs. Mellark, however, something caught her off guard.

"Don't you have anything to say to me?" The matriarch of the Mellarks demanded. There was not a trace of tears on her perfectly made-up face.

"I am so sorry…"

"You're that Everdeen girl, aren't you?" Mrs. Mellark interrupted.

Katniss was taken aback. "Ye…Yes. I am. I'm Katniss Everdeen." The oldest Mellark, Katniss did not know his name, tried to get Mrs. Mellark back on track but she shook him off.

"You're the one that ruined everything for my family. I can't believe they even let trash like you into this church." Mrs. Mellark's voice rose and a few other people stopped their conversations to listen.

Katniss recoiled as if she had been slapped, her face flaming. The oldest Mellark forcibly grabbed his mother, whispering in her ear, while Rye motioned for Katniss to make an escape and Peet urgently whispered, "Katniss, go!"

Katniss bolted for the steps of the church. She took some deep breaths while she waited for Haymitch and Prim and tried to stop trembling. She did not turn around and see what else Mrs. Mellark might be saying about her, nor did she want to see whatever emotions might be on Peet's face.

"Well, sweetheart, you really know how to make any event a party." Haymitch swaggered up to Katniss.

"Shut up, Haymitch. Katniss is really upset." Prim sounded concerned.

"And here I was hoping that we might get to attend the luncheon. I heard there was going to be an open bar."

"Haymitch, you are disgusting. Can we just go, please?" Katniss said before Haymitch could get another word in edgewise.

-o-

"Peet, Mom has a hard-on for your girlfriend." Geoff Mellark grabbed his youngest brother by the head and rubbed his knuckles on his little brother's scalp, which was a sign of love to the Mellark brothers.

"Yeah. I thought poor Katniss was gonna hurl right in line when Mom started in on her." Rye chimed in.

"She's not my girlfriend. And how do you know her name?" Peet glared at his two brothers, fixing his mussed up hair. The trio had stepped outside the church hall to catch a break from the Witch, the crying…everything.

Geoff spoke up, "Well, the two of you were totally making eyes at each other. I figured you were already playing hide the baguette or at a bare minimum warming up the oven."

Rye looked at his oldest brother with new respect. "Do they teach you how to talk like that as a physics major? Because I am changing majors if they do."

"You know it." The two grinned at each other while they smacked hands.

Peet's heart had leapt a little at Geoff's explanation, but he hid his reaction behind annoyance. "Excuse me. I hate to interrupt this disgusting pun fest, but Katniss is not my girlfriend. Rye, how do you even know her name?"

"Peet, you know all the girls wanted me. She was a sophomore when I was a senior."

At Peet's raised eyebrow, Rye relented. "OK, she used to come into the bakery on weekends and order lunch – grilled cheese with tomato on sourdough. She always wore a shirt with her name on it..." Rye motioned to where her name would be embroidered on a shirt. Peet narrowed his eyes. "Look, little brother. It's the business major in me that makes me check out her assets."

Seeing how annoyed Peet was, Geoff cut in, "Are they assets, Rye? I couldn't tell if they are more like brioche or mini-muffins." And then he winked at his brother.

"You guys are disgusting." Peet snorted. "But what are we going to do about Mom? She went after Katniss like a crazy woman." Peet looked to each of his older brothers expectantly.

Geoff, speaking more seriously now, was the first to speak up, "I don't know. I can stick around until mid-week, but then I have to be back for classes. Rye?"

"Same for me. I wish I could stay longer…if she is on the warpath, you are going to have to watch your back, little bro." All three of the brothers stared moodily at the ocean.

Peet hid the shudder that went through him: with his father gone and his brothers away at school, there would be no one left to protect him. He was going to have to protect himself. He pushed the thought out of his mind, knowing that this was one of the only times he would get alone with his brothers. "Speaking of that, guys…I have something to share that Dad told me before he died. I think it's a game-changer in how we deal with Mom."

-0-

Katniss made it through most of the school week ignoring the chatter at school about Mr. Mellark's funeral. Peet was back in school and they were had returned to mostly ignoring each other. She did hear the occasional tittering laughter that followed her, or under-the-breath mutterings that called her a tramp. Once, she felt her heart speed up when she heard a girl tell another girl that she and Peet were together. _Why couldn't they talk about something that really mattered, for once? Like the fact that she could do more oil changes in a day than even Haymitch could?_

Whatever she didn't hear at school, she heard from Prim at home. Prim seemed to be taking a great deal of enjoyment from the fact that her sister and a boy (who was not Gale Hawthorne, Katniss's best friend) had been linked together. Even though Prim knew that the actual event had been difficult for Katniss, she could not resist teasing her older sister.

"I bet he likes you." The girls were in the backyard of their small house. Prim was doing some weeding and fall planting, Katniss was hoping to get some butterfly or bird shots in the late afternoon light. _Del Mar sunsets lend the most beautiful golden light, even without a filter. If I could just get a few shots, I bet they would sell really quickly and I could get Prim a new laptop for Christmas._

Katniss was so busy making plans that she almost didn't hear Prim's teasing tone. "Who? Like Who?"

"Peet. I bet he likes you."

Katniss gave an exaggerated eye roll at her younger sister over her camera viewfinder. "No."

Prim put down the pruning shears she was using to trim the rosemary topiary and put her hands on her hips. "You didn't see the panic on his face at church when she started talking to you. Or his blush in the receiving line when he saw you."

"His Mom was going psycho and making a scene. It was his Dad's funeral. I'm sure he had been through enough for one day." Katniss trapped a butterfly in the viewfinder. Snap! Snap! Snap! Just like that, she had several shots of the butterfly.

"Katniss, humor me for a second. What if he did like you? He's really nice, and actually kind of hot. I see how your IQ drops twenty points whenever we're near the bakery. Does that mean you might give him a chance?"

Katniss ignored her sister and lined up her next shot: a hummingbird resting next to a bright red feeder, wings gleaming blue and green in the sunlight. Snap! Snap! The hummingbird took flight, but Katniss tracked it and continued shooting for a few more shots. She took her time gathering an answer for her sister. "Little Duck, my primary concern is getting you into college. There is no way that I am jeopardizing that for some _kinda hot_ guy, even if he is nice. Plus, you know I am never putting myself out there. Look what it did to Mom and Dad."

Prim's eyes flashed with anger. "That is such a cop out. I don't believe for a minute that what happened to Mom and Dad will happen to you. You let Gale in, and Peet's nicer than Gale, cuter than Gale and probably smarter than Gale." She punctuated each phrase by snipping greens from a container planter full of herbs.

Katniss could feel her stomach begin to ache. "Gale and I have an understanding. We are comfortable around each other."

"He's in college now, Katniss. He could be doing anything with anyone. He doesn't even write. You're always telling me to respect myself and believe in myself, but what about you? You treat yourself like a doormat when it comes to relationships. And don't pull your older sister stuff on me. I may be your _Little Duck_ but I know that establishing my own worth when it comes to people comes from taking some risks. I wish someone like Peet cared about me because I wouldn't waste the chance."

Katniss was shocked at the vehemence of Prim's speech. Her little sister, interested in dating? That was not even possible. She didn't know what to say, so she stayed quiet.

Prim brushed past her, easily interpreting the look on her sister's face. "I know, I know, now that I've picked a fight, you're not hungry for dinner. I'll make my own."

-o-

It was the day after that heated exchange with Prim that Katniss's best girlfriend broached the subject of Katniss and Peet. Madge Undersee was a quiet girl with wavy ginger hair and enormous green eyes. Her family was wealthy and Madge always dressed in designer clothing and perfect makeup. She claimed it was to keep her stepmother off her back, but Katniss knew that Madge had a great deal of self-confidence beneath her cool and quiet shell. Madge didn't care for the popular clique and seemed to prefer to be around people who were unafraid to be themselves, hence her friendship with Katniss.

Katniss, for her part, always thought Madge looked like a sea nymph and secretly envied her pale skin, soft curves and beautiful face. More than that, she envied Madge's inner strength and confidence, especially around people.

The two of them ate outside, alone, almost every day.

Madge slipped gracefully into a cross-legged position, pulling her eco-bag open and pulling out a bento box. Madge's family was going through a sushi phase, and Madge brought it for lunch every day. As she prepared her wasabi and soy sauce, she casually said, "So…tell me about the rumors I hear all over school."

It made Katniss's stomach turn just thinking about raw fish, so she kept her eyes trained on her half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on white bread. Katniss snorted, "Not you too?"

Madge trained her eyes on her friend, "Katniss, everyone is talking about how Peet's Mom practically attacked you at his Dad's funeral. Whatever is going on, you can tell me."

Katniss thought about her conversation with Prim and her frustration with the situation bubbled over. She hissed, "There is _nothing going on_ with Peet."

Madge paused in the process of bringing a piece of sushi to her perfectly bowed lips and raised her eyebrow.

Katniss started guiltily, then looked away and mumbled, "His Dad just died. I was concerned. You know the rumors about his Mom. His brothers don't live at home anymore…anything could happen to him. I went to the funeral to be supportive and…I don't know what happened." A rumor had travelled around their middle school that Peet's bruises were more than sports injuries. The rumor had gotten squelched, but Katniss remembered it. She worried about it.

Madge placed her chopsticks down and clasped her hands, staring Katniss in the eye and speaking quietly. "I remember the rumors. Do you know that Peet lives next door to me?"

"You mean right on the beach?" Katniss had no idea that the Mellarks were wealthy enough to live right on the water.

Madge nodded. "His family has been there for years. It's really a wonder that you've never bumped into him, especially in the morning when you're taking pictures. He surfs." Madge paused, staring down at her sushi. "You find out a lot about a family, living next to them."

Katniss pushed the mental picture of a wet Peet from her mind and focused on Madge's words. She could make no obvious conclusions, so she frowned and waited for Madge to continue.

"The brothers call their Mom _the Witch_ because she is so horrible to them."

" Are you saying the rumors are true?" _He's in that house, alone with her and without help?_ Katniss was no longer hungry, so she picked violently at the crust of her sandwich.

Madge looked at the flushed face of her friend, hoping that she was doing the right thing. "We're all concerned about him. I know even my Dad is keeping an ear out."

Katniss said thoughtfully, "That doesn't explain why his Mom flipped out at me. I've never even met her. Maybe it was the funeral." It sounded lame, even to Katniss's ears.

Madge sighed, daintily wiped mouth with a napkin, and then refreshed her hands with a moist towelette. Her stepmother was always packing things like that – nice little details that just reminded Katniss of how far apart her reality was from Madge's.

"Katniss, I've watched Peet watch you for years. It's entirely possible that his Mom picked up on it somehow." Madge knew that relationships scared Katniss, so she tried to be as gentle as she could and still get the point across.

_His Mom had picked up on it. What was' it'?_ Katniss stared blankly at a spot in the distance, not even realizing that she was focused on the back of Peet's head. He turned and looked at her, eyebrows furrowed. Katniss blushed and looked away quickly, thankful that Madge did not comment on how the exchange emphasized her point.

Katniss vowed that she was not going to let the Witch hurt Peet, no matter what. No matter what.

-o-

Peet paddled out just as the sun was rising. Peet was no stranger to early morning – being a baker meant rising before the sun most days. Sunrise reminded him of quietly working side by side preparing dough with his father. Morning was when he felt closest to his father and surfing gave him a peaceful time to appreciate the memories. The surf was small today, but Peet was grateful; sometimes it was more about sitting on the board and thinking than it was about catching waves.

"Peet!" Peet jolted out of his reverie to see Streeter paddling toward him.

"Hey, Streeter." Peet waved to his friend.

"Good to see you, buddy. Sorry to hear about your Dad." Streeter flung his damp hair out of his eyes.

"Thanks." They both sat and watched the waves for a little while, feet dangling in the warm water.

"You catch anything today?" Streeter asked.

"Nah. Just swam out and been sitting here." Peet stared at the wide-open ocean that stretched to the horizon.

"You want to be alone?" Streeter asked. When Peet shook his head, Streeter thought for a minute and said, "Congrats on bagging Everdeen. No one's gotten close to that before."

Peet stiffened and turned to face his friend. "I have not bagged her."

"Oh." Streeter sounded disappointed. "Well, that's too bad."

"What? Why is it too bad?" Peet sounded exasperated.

"A bunch of the guys have a bet going. She's like the most untouchable girl, so first one to bag her gets the entire pot. I know that you've had a crush on her forever, so I was hoping that you nailed it already."

Peet relaxed and leaned back on his board, assessing his friend thoughtfully. " Are you in on it?"

Streeter had the sense to look affronted. "Dude! We're buds. I can see that she's been yours for as long as I've had eyes and I'm not gonna disrespect that! Plus…she scares me; all that bottled up intensity. Not good for the karma." He shuddered.

"Good. Who's put money down?" Peet smiled wolfishly.

"Cato. Marvel. A couple of others. Why?"

"Because they are going to regret it, that's why. Are you going to take this wave? Looks like a good ride." Peet eyed the swell coming toward them with a practiced eye.

Streeter got in position and started to paddle.

Peet watched his friend work to get in position. He thought about the bet. He vowed that he was not going to let them hurt her, no matter what.


	4. October

A frustrated Katniss sat on the unseasonably warm beach trying to find a target. Her morning hunting had been fruitless, so she had returned to the beach in hopes of some sunset shots: she was afraid that it was going to be a rare and completely shot-free day. Not even a good photo opportunity of a ground squirrel or pelican had presented itself and she wondered briefly if she should have headed to Dog Beach, where she could always count on some cute "dog in the surf" action shots.

The setting sun was in her eyes, and the water was peppered with surfers. She pushed tendrils of hair that had escaped her braid out of her face and squinted through the viewfinder, randomly thinking about the paperwork that awaited her at Haymitch's the next day. Paperwork was her least favorite thing to do at the body shop, but she put up with it if it meant she might get some time in the bays taking cars apart.

Just then, the glint of something in the water caught her eye. She scanned the water, quickly looking and dismissing target after target when she saw it again - a dorsal fin, swimming with the surfers. The viewfinder came up to her face effortlessly as she flicked off auto-focus and zoomed into the shot. _Look at that_ she thought, as another fin came into view. None of the surfers seemed concerned; by the shape of the fin, the animals looked like they might be dolphins. She had heard stories from surfers about dolphins who liked to surf the California coast, but had never seen it firsthand.

A thrill ran up her spine and she couldn't help but hope for a good shot to make up for her lousy day. She moved closer to the water snapping a few exploratory shots of the sleek animals which seemed to be frolicking and perhaps waiting for the perfect wave. She saw a few surfers gesture to the fins in surprise, a few of them grinning as they watched the animals enjoy the water. She watched and snapped as one animal disappeared and then became visible through the backlit water as it surfed a small swell. It joined its fellow dolphin again and the two animals seemed to dance around one another.

Katniss continued taking shots when she noticed a surfer paddling out for a larger swell with a dolphin escort behind him. She snapped photos of the man and the shadowy figure swimming together. The surfer popped to his feet, swinging his head and releasing water droplets from his hair into the air around him. Katniss was transfixed by the image in the viewfinder: it was Peet surfing with the dolphin. She recovered quickly after almost bobbling the camera, snapping shot after shot and trying not to let the identity of the boy on the surfboard mess with her concentration.

She could tell the second that Peet felt the wave change: he got a concerned look on his face and shifted his feet to compensate for the choppy wave. The dolphin had disappeared from sight and Katniss realized that the dolphin had caught up with Peet, its aerodynamics making it faster than its human counterpart as it flew through the water. Katniss watched helplessly through viewfinder as Peet tumbled off the board, most likely from some sort of pressure wave that changed the performance of Peet's board.

She wasn't sure if she was more concerned for the boy or the dolphin.

She saw Peet swimming his way to the beach. She knew she had to get out of there before he saw her. Katniss paused to put her camera in her ratty blue backpack when a shadow fell across her.

"Hey, Katniss right?" She squinted up to see another boy from her class - the same one from the bakery last month - standing in front of her.

She stood, hiking her backpack onto her shoulder. She willed him to move by glaring at him.

He seemed oblivious to her frustration and tossed his wet hair out of his eyes. "I saw you snapping some pretty righteous pics of our wave-riding friends. I'd love to see them sometime. I'm Streeter, by the way."

Katniss hoped he hadn't seen her fixated on Peet. She gave her best cool and non-committal answer, "I'll have to see if any of them turn out."

Streeter nodded sagely, then looked past Katniss as another shadow fell across them. Katniss had a sneaking suspicion she knew the owner of the second shadow when Streeter confirmed it. "Hey, Peet. Bitchin' ride!"

"It was - right up until the wipe out at the end." Peet said sadly.

"Dude, it's their ocean and you cut in. Karma says they get first dibs on the waves and karma came back at you." Streeter nodded.

Katniss watched the serious expression on Streeter's face with something akin to disbelief. She hitched her bag again, anxious to escape from the strange conversation. She couldn't wait to get home and download the pictures from her camera and the night wasn't getting any younger.

Peet seemed to pick up on her flight instinct. "Street, I'll catch you later, ok? There's something I want to talk to Katniss about." He turned to Katniss and asked, "Ok if I walk with you?"

Streeter waved cheerily at them. "OK, dudes. See you later!" He walked back to his board.

Katniss refused to look at Peet, too embarrassed by his lack of clothing. At least walking would limit the very real possibility that she might be caught staring and his naked and glistening chest. Just thinking about it made her blush. _So don't think about it, silly,_ she chastised herself angrily and stalked off as quickly as possible.

"You know, for a small girl, you walk pretty fast." Peet said conversationally, as if they talked all the time.

 _How does he do that – act like this is all normal?_ She glanced his way and immediately regretted it: seeing all of that glistening skin made her want to scream. _How could anyone look that good and not know it?_

"Can we sit for a minute?" Peet asked.

Katniss kept on walking. "I have to get home and download some pictures."

Peet stopped walking and grimaced, "Katniss, please. I just wiped out pretty badly. Sit for a few minutes and I can drive you home."

Katniss paused and, with a sheepish look, said, "I'm sorry. I didn't even ask if you were ok."

Peet rubbed the back of his neck and could feel the color rush to his cheeks, neck and upper chest. "I'm ok. Just a little winded. Let's sit?" Peet sat down on the sand and leaned back to look up at her expectantly.

Katniss dropped her backpack and sat down gracefully next to him. They sat in silence for a minute, Katniss drawing pictures in the sand while Peet watched the sunset.

"I haven't had a chance to apologize for the way my Mom acted." Peet said quietly, watching Katniss from the corner of his eye. "Somehow she has it in her head that people from the Seam are not worth knowing. Of course, I don't think that."

Katniss shrugged like it didn't matter. "The Seam?" she asked.

"Yeah. That's what the beach folks call people who live close to the freeway – the Seam."

Katniss nodded. _Makes sense – they want all of their friends to live in a million dollar house on the beach and to shop and act just like they do._ She felt her spine stiffen at the thought of his friends and mother calling her names. She heard Peet give a huge sigh and glanced his way. He was mostly dry, covered in sand and his blonde hair was sticking up every-which-way. He looked relaxed. Happy. She thought the look suited him. She wondered if he would let her take a picture.

"This is my favorite time of day - sunset." Peet gestured with his chin toward the ocean.

"I thought surfers liked mornings?"

"Sure. Glassy conditions on most days, nice and quiet. Baking is like that too." Peet looked askance at her, "Do you come down to the beach a lot?"

Katniss picked at some rocks in the sand. "I run in the mornings. Sometimes I bring my camera." _And by 'sometimes', I mean every day._

Peet's brow furrowed in concentration. "That picture of my Dad and I… that was yours, right?"

Katniss shrugged. "You gave me cookies once, to cheer me up. I had to repay you, somehow."

"You mean, when we were kids? There was nothing to repay – they were a gift. But thank you. It's a great picture." Peet swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat. He kept the picture on his dresser and said goodnight to it every night. It helped him to feel close to his Dad.

"How are you doing?" Katniss said. She knew it was awkward, but it was what she really wanted to know. And Peet had broached the subject…

-o-

"It's hard some days. I miss him," Peet said. He could not believe that he was sitting on a beach, at sunset, with Katniss Everdeen, talking about his Dad.

The silence stretched between them again.

"How did you know that shortbread cookies are my favorite? I don't come into the bakery when you're there." Katniss blushed.

Peeta could feel his heart stop and then plummet into his stomach. He wished he could fold in on himself to make himself smaller. _She just admitted that she goes out of her way to avoid you. Now is probably not the time to admit to watching her from the time you were a kid._ Finally, he said the only thing he could think of as an explanation. "Haymitch comes into the bakery a lot. He only buys two kinds of cookies. So when your sister ordered one kind, I took a chance that the other was your favorite and not his."

Katniss nodded, then stood and brushed herself off. The sun was almost finished setting. "I've got to get back."

Peet took his cue and stood as well. "Yeah. Do you need a ride?" He hoped his tone was only lightly hopeful.

Katniss shook her head.

Peet shrugged. "Thanks for the talk."

"I'm really bad at it – talking." Katniss looked down at her feet.

Peet gaped at her. Perhaps he wasn't the only one feeling self-conscious. "Well, thanks anyway. Maybe I'll see you one of these mornings."

Katniss nodded noncommittally and walked off into the sunset, leaving Peet with a sad smile on his face.

-o-

Katniss's cell phone vibrated, which was odd - so few people had the number, and Prim and Haymitch were both home. Katniss ignored the phone and continued processing her latest batch of photos. It wasn't until the phone buzzed again a few minutes later that she looked at it in annoyance. Her face registered concern and then dismay when she saw that it was from Madge and that the text read simply, "Come to my house. Peet. Urgent."

"Oh, no." Katniss mumbled under her breath, grabbing a sweatshirt and her backpack. As she was flying out the door, she ran into Haymitch who was already mostly drunk.

"Sweetheart, not so fast," he slurred.

"Haymitch, not now. I'm in a hurry." Katniss told him impatiently.

"It's a school night." He weaved his way to stand in her way. Katniss could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"It's barely eight o'clock." She tapped her foot.

"Katniss, what's going on?" Prim asked from the floor in front of the television.

Katniss gave a mental sigh. _And now everyone has to know my business. I might as well tell her…_ "Little duck, I have to go see Peet. I think something may have happened."

"Oh-ho… is that what they call it these days?" Haymitch laughed. Katniss shot him a dirty look.

"Katniss, what? Is everything ok?" Prim's brow furrowed. Katniss crossed the few feet to her and crouched down so they were level. Hopefully, Haymitch wouldn't hear.

"Remember how I told you that Peet always has some sort of bruises? Well, I think he may have gotten badly hurt this time. Madge just texted me and told me to come." Katniss's face told the rest of the story – she was worried.

Prim sprang to her feet. "Let me get you some supplies. It will only take a minute." Like a flash, she was slamming doors and drawers in the tiny kitchen, stuffing who-knew-what into a cloth shopping bag.

"Little duck…"Katniss tried to put a stop to Prim's activities.

"Katniss, stop calling me that. I'm not a baby anymore and I want to help." Prim came over and handed her sister the bag. "There are ice packs and a rice-sock in case he needs a heating pad. Warm that up in the microwave for a minute or so. It has lavender in it, so it should soothe him. I also included some tea tree oil – it has antiseptic properties – and some chamomile tea to help him sleep. Oh, and some strawflower salve."

"Some…what?" Katniss looked at her blankly.

"Strawflower salve. Immortelle. It's a salve made from strawflowers, which are an analgesic and it can help with bruising. Apply it as soon as you can and it will help diminish the swelling and reduce the pain."

"You're kidding." Katniss looked into the bag.

"Kid knows her shtuff. You should listen to her." Haymitch weaved back to his recliner.

Prim stood with her hands on her hips. "No, I'm not kidding. This stuff will work. Now go."

"I'm not sure how late I'll be. Maybe this isn't such a good idea." Katniss looked at the bag, then at her phone.

"Go. If Madge said to go, then you should go. Call if you can. Haymitch and I will be fine." Prim hugged her sister. As she pushed Katniss out the door she whispered, "See if you can get him to take his shirt off!"

Katniss looked back, "Prim!"

Prim winked.

-o-

Madge greeted her at the door and did not waste any time with pleasantries. "He's bad."

"What happened?" Katniss put her bag and her backpack by the door, taking off her shoes so she did not track sand through the house.

"I'm not sure. From what I can get from eavesdropping on my Dad, something happened with the bakery or something. His Mom had packed up her stuff and was waiting for him when he got home from school. My Dad said he could hear her yelling for almost an hour, then a lot of noise. When he

saw her Porsche Panamera peel out of the driveway, he ran over there."

Is your Dad there now?"

Madge shook her head. "No. He and Peet are still at the hospital. My Dad just called and said they should be back shortly."

" _Hospital?"_ Katniss asked breathlessly

Madge said softly, "I told you that it was bad."

Katniss sank into a chair. "Why did you text me?"

"I thought you would want to know. I also thought that he shouldn't be alone tonight."

The matter-of-fact tone of Madge's voice sent a shudder down Katniss's spine. _I hope it's not that bad. Please, let it not be that bad! …"_ Wait. You want me to stay with him?"

Madge's green eyes locked with Katniss's, "I thought we could take shifts. I also thought you might like the overnight, since you probably don't want him to know you're here." When Madge saw the fear on Katniss's face, she leaned forward and gently placed a calming hand on Katniss's arm. "Look, I know this is a lot for you to process: I trust you and you did ask to be involved. I am not sure that Peet would want anyone else to know his secret but he needs the help, Katniss."

Just then, Mr. Undersee entered the house, his short gray hair obviously mussed and his normally bright green eyes dim.

"Papa, Katniss is a friend of Peet's, too. How is he?" Madge said quietly.

Her Father sighed heavily. "He is resting now but really banged up. One of us should keep an eye on him through the night."

"What happened?" Madge asked.

"Peet's really not talking, honey. Why don't we wait and see what he says." Mr. Undersee took a seat.

"Is she…his mother likely to come back tonight?" Katniss did not want to have a run-in with her in her own house.

"No. From what I can see in the house, I think it's safe to say that she is gone."

"Gone?" Katniss echoed.

"…Gone. It looks like she took a bunch of clothes and other stuff. Maybe Peet knows more and we can find out what's really going on when he wakes up." Mr. Undersee shrugged.

Madge and Katniss exchanged a look. "Katniss, if he's asleep…"

"I'll take first watch." Katniss finished. "Mr. Undersee, is there anything that I need to look out for?"

Mr. Undersee explained all of the things to watch out for, especially memory loss. She was to wake him every 2 hours as well, and apply ice if he wanted it. "He is on pain pills, so they may upset his stomach. Hopefully, he'll eat something."

He finished with, "Katniss, if he wants to talk, let him talk. And don't be upset by the way he looks. "

Katniss stood up and wiped her damp palms on her jeans. She hesitated for a moment, looking at Madge as if seeking rescue. When Madge remained silent, Katniss walked slowly to the door and gathered her things.

"Madge, please walk Katniss next door. She'll need a tour of the Mellark household. And Madge…set the alarm." Katniss sent a thankful look to Mr. Undersee, who kissed his daughter on the forehead and then disappeared into the dark part of the house.

Katniss and Madge walked silently across the sand to the Mellark residence. An art deco stained glass window framed the top floor balcony's French doors. Two sets of sliding doors opened onto the slate patio that bordered the sand. A fountain tinkled next to a grill on one side of the patio and an outdoor living room set surrounding a fire pit graced the other side. The area would have seemed austere if it were not for the surfboard, wetsuit, towels and soccer ball haphazardly flung on the furniture. A dimly lit family room straight out of a designer magazine was visible through the sliding doors.

Madge slipped open the slider and shut it behind her. Their footsteps echoed on the hard wood floors, through the family room past the kitchen and a small bathroom and out to the dark front of the house. More art deco stained glass framed the front door and a grandfather clock stood sentry in the entry way. Beyond the entry was a darkened room that appeared to be a living room with more art deco stained class. All of the rooms were decorator perfect.

The entry showed signs of a struggle: mail strewn about the floor, a vase that probably cost more than Katniss made in a year shattered on the floor. A backpack and sweatshirt lay near the front door, as if they had been dropped in a hurry. Madge stopped to pick up something from the floor. Katniss could not make out the shape because the foyer was too dimly lit, but it came into sudden focus when Madge stepped in front of the stained glass window. The light from outside cascaded through the window, bathing the object in red and yellow light, like blood: Madge was holding a rolling pin. _The Witch went after him with a rolling pin._ Katniss could feel the bile rise up in her throat and had to look away. She clutched her eco-bag to her chest, wondering what they would find upstairs.

She must have made a noise because Madge let out a hissing sound that sounded like a swear word. Madge never swore.

They made their way upstairs, Madge pointing out a bathroom in the main hallway and a guest room. A warm light glowed from a room down the hallway that Katniss assumed was Peet's. Madge walked right in, but Katniss stopped at the threshold.

"Come in." Madge whispered.

Katniss felt like she was crossing a much larger boundary than just a normal doorway as she stepped over the threshold. Her eyes flew around the room, taking in the beige colored walls and dark blue curtains and bedspread. A blue and beige plaid recliner was in a corner with a reading lamp. Two large bookshelves, crammed with books and old toys were within arm's distance of the recliner. It looked like a comfortable room, despite the fact that it was twice the size of hers. She had to stop herself from breathing deeply to test whether smelled sugar cookies.

"Why don't you put your stuff down over there? Let's find his medication is too." Madge gestured to the recliner. As Katniss dropped her stuff next to it, she spied the photo she had given Peeta on the day of the funeral. It lay on his desk: the frame was fractured and the glass shattered. She walked over to it and stared grimly. _Had his mother done that, too? What kind of mother would wreck a picture of her son with his father?_ Katniss could not fathom a family life like this. Her own mother may have left, but neither of her parents had ever hit her.

Katniss jumped a little when Madge came over and touched her elbow. "His meds are on his bedside table, over by the glass of water. It looks like he fell asleep with an ice pack on his cheek. I'm going to go put it back in the freezer so it will be cold when he wakes up."

Katniss remembered the ice packs that Prim had packed and quickly retrieved them. "Put these in there too." Madge raised an eyebrow but took the icepacks.

The girls looked at each other. "Katniss, are you going to be ok? I'll set the alarm. Keep your phone nearby and I'll keep mine close as well. If he changes at all or you need any relief or anything…"

Katniss nodded. She heard Madge head downstairs, stop in the kitchen, then set the alarm and exit the house. She texted Prim to let her know what was happening. She thought that it had already been a long night as she settled into the recliner.

-o-

Peet awoke with a blinding thirst and a mouth that felt full of cotton. For a minute he was unsure of where he was or what had happened; every bit of his body hurt and the right side his head felt like it was on fire. _Was he sick?_ It wasn't until he tried to move that he recalled what had happened and why it felt like he had been hit by a truck.

He had returned home from the bakery in a great mood. When he had opened the door, he could tell something was not quite right because the house was eerily quiet and there was mail on the floor. His mother abhorred messes, so he bent to retrieve it. He saw a shadow and then the first blow came.

"How could you do this to me?" His mother shrieked at him. In her hand she held a rolling pin, brandished like a club. She swung at him again, connecting with the side of his face. He rose and quickly shielded his face with his hands, feeling the weapon connect several times with his ribs and his hip. "I took care of you boys. I made sure that you were not an embarrassment. I stayed with your father even when I knew he was weak. And for what?" More hits came, more pain. "So you could screw me out of what is rightfully mine! That's what. You are ungrateful. Pitiful. Useless. And you will never amount to anything." Each word was punctuated by a blow until they all ran together and Peet was lying on the floor covering his head with one hand and his ribs with another.

"You think you can take the bakery from me? My livelihood? Because an old man who wanted to finally stand up and protect his sons got an idea in his head? We'll see about that. I've sacrificed for you for far too long. I am leaving so that I can finally have the life I deserve. But don't think you have heard the last of me! The bakery and this house are mine!" She flung the rolling pin away, grabbed her keys and slammed the door.

Mr. Undersee had found him like that: cowering, curled up and drifting in and out of consciousness.

Now he wanted water and something to take away the pain. It took an amazing amount of effort to sit up. The room spun and he closed his eyes to get his bearings. His face felt like a balloon, his ear stung and his ribs felt like someone had used them as a xylophone. He wanted to hiss at the pain, but even drawing in a breath hurt.

He finally understood what it meant when people said that they felt like death warmed over.

He was counting back from one hundred and willing the room to stop spinning when he heard a sound. His eyes flung open and his pupils immediately dilated in fear: he was sure his mother was waiting for him. He unconsciously whimpered, a broken sound coming from the back of his throat, when he spied someone asleep in the recliner. He thought his head injury might be graver than he thought when he recognized the braid of Katniss Everdeen peeking out from beneath the sweatshirt that was draped over her like a blanket.

"Katniss?" It came out like a croak, hissing across his split lip and almost making him cry out.

Katniss jolted awake, looking disoriented. When she recognized where she was, she sat up and flung her braid back over her shoulder. "How do you feel?" She asked briskly.

Although she tried to hide it, Peet saw how horrified she was at the way he looked: his lip was split, one whole side of his face was swollen and shades of red and blue and he was favoring his left shoulder. His left hand had two fingers splinted. In short, he knew he looked like a wreck. She walked over to him when he didn't answer her.

"Would you like some water? It's probably time to take another pill" She consulted the bottle on the bedside table and handed him a pill. When he had put it into his mouth, she handed him the water glass. "I'm really bad at the whole nurse thing."

"How did you get here?" He finally said.

"Madge." Katniss took the glass and moved away from him. He missed her immediately, but his heart sank at what that one word meant.

"So, I guess you know I didn't get this at wrestling practice." Peet closed his eyes. Finally he made as if to get up, "I'm hungry."

Katniss offered, "I'll get it. Is there something in particular you would like?"

"Peanut butter and jelly would be nice. There's bread in the fridge." Peet heard Katniss opening cupboards in the kitchen. He was glad she was out of the way because he needed time to think. He hoisted himself up and made his way to the bathroom. When he saw himself in the mirror, he groaned inwardly; no wonder he felt horrible. He looked like hell.

He made use of the bathroom as quickly as he could when he heard her making her way back up the stairs. By the time he returned to his room, Katniss had placed a sandwich, a glass of milk and an of ice pack on his bedside table.

He picked up the sandwich. "Thanks."

Katniss shrugged. She made her way back to the recliner and sat on it cross-legged. "There wasn't a lot of stuff in your refrigerator. What do you normally eat?" Katniss had thought that Haymitch's fridge was bad – Peet's made it look like they ate gourmet.

"I've been grabbing something at the bakery." Peet didn't want to admit that he didn't want to spend time at home alone with his Mom. He shuddered. _Don't think about her, Peet. You're safe right now. Just take it one minute at a time._

Katniss put her head back on the recliner, "I'd eat there every day if I could. I'm not sure what you put in your panini, but they are amazing."

Peet stared for a moment at Katniss, wondering that she could have a normal conversation about sandwiches. If it weren't for the fact that he could barely talk, he would think this was a dream. He finished his sandwich and picked up ice pack.

Katniss continued with her eyes closed, "I used to think you were so lucky, growing up in a bakery. All those warm smells around you, all the cakes and cookies you could eat. It wasn't like that for you, though, was it?" When her eyes opened, she saw him staring at her.

"It was good for a long time. Then something changed and it wasn't." Peet thought of the picture of him and his Dad. He knew his Mom must have smashed it before she left as a reminder that she could take things away from him. What she couldn't take were his memories of his Dad and of the good times when they had been a whole family.

"What happened?" Katniss waited patiently for Peet to answer.

Peet sighed, running his hand through his hair. "I don't know. She just…snapped. She hit me." Peet met her eyes. "I've never said that to anyone before. I don't have to pretend that it was practice or a party fight, or that I tripped anymore. My Mom hits me." He let the words roll around on his tongue trying them out. Peet felt relieved that he could say it out loud. That he was saying it to Katniss Everdeen was nothing short of remarkable.

His eyes were starting to droop, a sure sign that the painkiller was taking effect. Peet lay down on the bed and dropped the ice pack on the floor. His eyes closed of their own volition.

"Are you sleepy? Do you need anything else?" Katniss made her way to the bed, picking up the discarded ice pack.

"Just stay with me." He slurred. When she didn't answer, his voice rose a bit in panic, "Katniss?"

"I'm right here." Katniss answered as if it were Prim having a nightmare. "Go back to sleep."

"I'm scared." He whispered, fighting sleep. Sleep meant he was unprotected.

"I won't let anything hurt you. " Katniss whispered back as she gently brushed his hair off of his forehead.

It was the last thing he heard.

-o-  
"Katniss, I don't get why you're suddenly going to a Halloween party. You've never, ever gone to a Halloween party." Prim was following Katniss around the house, completely dumbfounded that her sister was going to engage in normal teenage behavior.

Katniss was looking for her bunny ears. She was dressing up like the Easter Bunny and her ears and tail were missing. "Little Duck, I know it seems weird. I promised Madge I would go. It's her party." _I promised Madge I would go to her party. I promised myself that I would check on Peet._ It had been a week since his Mom had left and his bruises were still fading.

As if picking up on some hidden vibe, Prim asked knowingly, "Is Peet going to be there?"

Katniss threw her a dirty look. "I'm not sure if he will be there. Now, can you make yourself useful and pin my tail on?"

"But you hope he will be, right?" Prim pinned Katniss's white cotton tail onto her yellow fleece pajama jumpsuit. "Are you going to draw whiskers on your face?"

"Good idea." Katniss drew black whiskers on her face and then critically surveyed her work in the mirror. For the hundredth time, she wished she had a costume to wear with a mask that hid her face. How many times do I have to tell you that I am not interested in Peet?"

"You're going to keep saying it until you believe it, I guess. It's just that you've been spending a lot of time together. " Prim said. "Let's take a look at you." Katniss's ears and tail were the perfect complement to her one piece pajamas. Prim handed her a basket, painted white with a big bow and filled with colorful Easter grass and fake eggs. "You aren't wearing flip flops, are you?"

"Of course. I'm a Southern California Easter Bunny, after all. " Katniss winked at her sister and they both fell into a fit of the giggles. She recovered, her voice turning serious. "Prim, I'm only going for a little while. Then I'll be back home and we can watch scary movies."

Prim frowned and looked at her sister, "I just want you to be happy."

Haymitch guffawed when Katniss walked through the living room. "A cute and cuddly bunny, sweetheart? You're more likely to kill one than turn into one. You should have gone as a soldier. I would have even let you borrow my old army jacket."

Katniss glared at him and slammed the door behind her.

-o—

Madge's party was in full swing by the time Katniss made her entrance. She grabbed a red Solo cup, filled it from the keg on the patio and followed the crowd inside, ostensibly looking for Madge. She was also keeping her eyes open for Peet. She easily sidestepped few boys in her class who tried to block her way.. One of them, a boy named Cato, seemed to take a particular interest in her outfit, trying to grab the zipper that ran down the front. Katniss deflected his groping hands with some fancy footwork and a dirty look.

"Easter Bunny!" A boy who had obviously had two or three glasses of beer already jumped in front of her, making her jump and spill beer on her pajamas. She recognized him as Street and glared at him At least he had the grace to look contrite.

"Hi, Streeter, great costume." Katniss checked out Streeter's Starbucks uniform. Streeter grinned.

"Thanks! Extra-large pockets for all those phone numbers I'm collecting tonight." Streeter weaved a little on his feet. "Hey! You never did send me those pictures like you said. That's bad karma."

"I had forgotten all about that. I can see you haven't, though." She smirked at him. Katniss was pretty sure that there wasn't a single phone number in his apron pocket.

He tapped at his forehead, "I have a mind like a steel trap."

"I bet you do. Hey… do you know if Peet is here?" Katniss decided he was going to be her best bet at getting information.

Streeter's grin got even wider. "He sure is. And his costume is epic! He is really showing off his sense of humor." Katniss looked at him expectantly. "Oh, you want to know where he is! I get it! I think I saw him in Madge's living room. Go past the kitchen and dining room and there's a room at the front of the house. Can't miss it. He'll be really happy to see you." He winked. When Cato bumped into her, jostling her drink and leering at her again, Streeter took her elbow and guided her into the house. "Here, let me help you find him.

Katniss wasn't sure, but she thought she heard Streeter mumble that Cato was an epic ass. She silently agreed with him.

When Streeter finally pointed out Peet, she wasn't sure if she should believe her eyes: it was as if the past week had never happened. Peet was surrounded by friends, holding a red Solo cup and laughing about something. As Streeter had mentioned, his costume was epic – he was dressed as a boxer, taking full advantage of the bruises that were still visible on his face, chest and ribs. His split lip was mostly healed and the swelling was gone. He was even sporting a "heavyweight championship belt" made of a decorated weight belt which offset his dark orange satin shorts nicely. With his hair slicked back, he looked fit and fantastic rather than frightened and damaged.

Katniss stood, awestruck, as she watched Peet. When Delly, another classmate, walked up to him and put her hand casually on his chest as she leaned in to speak to him, Katniss dropped her eyes and turned away. Peet didn't need her help, obviously. She had finished paying him back for the cookies; her obligation was complete and she could go home. She drank her beer quickly as she made her way to the door, basket swinging and hitting a few of the other guests as she passed them.

Katniss was in the darkened hallway between Madge's living room and family room when she felt someone grab arm. "Hey, Easter Bunny." She turned toward Cato, glaring in his direction. "You glare at people a lot, you know? Good think I like feisty girls."

"Cato, what are you talking about? Let me go." Katniss tugged on her arm, suddenly wondering if drinking that beer was a good idea. She was not normally a drinker and she felt a little sluggish.

Cato angled her back into the laundry room, which was empty and dark. He stepped close enough to her that she could smell the beer on this breath. "I don't think I will. I think that you came here for a good time and I'm just the guy to show it to you." He began to toy with the zipper on the front of her pajamas and leaned in to whisper, "Want to know what I have on under this toga?"

Katniss pushed his hand away, feeling sick from the smell of alcohol seeping out of his pores. She suddenly realized how alone she was with him and how loud the party was. Anything could happen in this room and no one would be able to help her. She was suddenly terrified. She turned her head to the side as he sidled even closer. _Where was everyone? She had to get out of here._ When Cato reached for her zipper again, she let him grab onto it and begin to inch it downward. When she knew he was fixated on the skin being revealed, she shoved against him with all of her strength and bolted past him, hoping for a few seconds of head-start.

She collided with a strong chest and a pair of arms immediately steadied her.

-o—

Peet had noticed Katniss leaving the room and followed her. When she bolted out of the darkened room and collided with him, he knew something was wrong. When Cato followed her, it was as good as confirmed. He felt his jaw clench and his arms tighten around her.

"Come on, Easter Bunny. I just wanted a little fun…" Cato said.

Peet must have seen something on her upturned face, or perhaps he felt her tremble slightly because his blue eyes darkened. "You'll have to find your fun elsewhere, Cato. She's here with me, right Katniss?" She shivered and nodded a little, her eyes huge in her face. Peet maneuvered his face close to her ear and whispered, "Trust me."

Gently, he cupped her face for a moment, searching her eyes. He lowered his head to hers very slowly and then his lips were on hers. Peet could feel the scab on his lower lip rub against hers and taste the Carmex. Her skin smelled of orange or vanilla or something lightly floral and it made him want to nuzzle behind her ear to see if he could pinpoint the scent. He felt Katniss lean into him when he deepened the kiss, bracing one hand on his chest while the other threaded through the hair at the nape of his neck.

He felt little tingles of electricity everywhere she touched him and it took all of his willpower to pull away.

Loudly enough for Cato to hear, he said, "Do you want to get out of here?"

Cato tried to interrupt. "No way, Mellark. She was fair game when she got here. There is no way you two have hooked up. Why would Katniss settle for you when she could have me? "He looked like a little boy who had just lost his toy to someone else. Peet would have laughed if he could not still feel Katniss's trembling.

"We got together after my fight last week. Katniss has a thing for nursing people back to health." He tightened his arms around her.

Peet almost jumped out of his skill when he felt Katniss trail her hand up his chest to his shoulder and look deep into his eyes. "Peet, I'd really like to get out of here." She leaned in, making it even more obvious that they were together.

Peet looked down at her and flashed a huge smile, then looked at Cato triumphantly. "What the lady wants, the lady gets. Cato, we'll see you later."

He maneuvered her out of the house and next door to his own, keeping his arm around her all the while. Once inside the relatively quiet house, insulated from the noise of the party next door, he took the basket and placed it on an end table. "Can I get you anything?" He turned to face her, rubbing her cold hands between his.

"What the hell was that?" She practically shouted as she drew her hands away. It was bad timing that Peet noticed her zipper still partially undone. He could just see a tiny piece of lace peeking out. _She was going to be the death of him; that kiss alone was going to be the highlight of his dreams for months._

"What was what? He had you cornered. You should thank me." Peet reached down and drew her zipper up for emphasis. Katniss recoiled.

"Thank you? You kissed me!" She stared at him accusingly.

He looked shocked for a moment. "I guess I did." Suddenly, he grinned at her, knowing that was the biggest risk he had ever taken. It felt great. "Why don't you have a seat? I'm going to make some tea."

Peet let the silence grow while the water boiled. Katniss was pacing the length of the living room, and they were both ignoring the occasional shrieks and music they could hear coming from next door. When the water was ready, he asked her how she took her tea but she ignored him. He brought them each a mug and set it on the table.

He ran his hair through his hair, mussing it. "Katniss, I thought he was going to hurt you." When she still didn't answer him, he sat on the couch and watched her. She continued to ignore him. Finally, he said quietly, "There is a bet. It involves you and I have it on good authority that Cato wants to win." He picked up his tea and took a sip, letting his words sink in.

"What kind of bet?" Katniss turned from the window and looked at him. When he just looked at her over the rim of his teacup, she laughed. "No way. I'm just the poor, grease-monkey from the Seam." When he still didn't move his eyes from hers, she looked away and laughed uncomfortably. "Stop it, Peet. I'm nothing special."

 _She has no idea. The effect she can have_. "You pulled yourself together when your father passed away, you took care of your sister, you found a way to make it through the sadness without giving up. And you helped me - why did you do that?" _Please tell me that I am worth it. Tell me anything. Just don't make me feel like I am all of those names my Mother called me._

-o-

Katniss thought for a moment: that was a complicated question without a single answer. _Because you sent me those cookies. Because I think you saved my life. Because you made me think that someone could still care about me, even when I felt completely hopeless._ Instead of answering, she remained quiet.

Peet sighed, "OK, look. Whether you want to believe it or not, there is a bet and you are at the center of it. Whether you believe me or not, do you really want to risk another scene with Cato?"

She closed her eyes, remembering the smell of Cato's breath. She shuddered.

"I didn't think so. So I have a proposition for you." Peet stood up and was now standing across from her. "Be my girlfriend." In the silence that stretched, he rubbed the back of his neck. "Pretend only, really. There's no need to do anything …if you don't want to…" His voice trailed off. Finally, he said, "Say something."

"I'm not good at saying something."

"So say yes." He watched her expectantly. She watched him back. She took into account the bruises still healing on his chest and face, his still healing hand, the way she had felt when Delly had her hand on his chest.

"Did you hurt yourself tonight? When I ran into you?" Katniss suddenly realized that he might have reinjured himself.

Peet seemed shocked. "No. It was fine. I was way more worried about you."

"Thank you. For being there." Katniss looked at the carpet.

"We take care of each other. Deal?" Peet held out his hand expectantly. Katniss stared at it, thinking of all the different ways she could interpret the gesture. She thought of him curled up in bed, admitting that he was scared. Then she thought of Cato earlier tonight and how afraid she had felt.

"Deal." She placed her hand in his.


	5. November

Peet walked into the bakery for his shift on a normal Saturday. He was hoping that Katniss was working next door and maybe he could take her lunch _._ He was preoccupied as he took off his sweatshirt and put on his blue Mellark's apron. When he turned around, he was startled to find two women staring at him.

"Customers can't come back here." He said in his best custom service voice.

The taller one with the spiky hair laughed. "Oh, we're not customers."

Peet looked at her, confused. Finally the shorter one, who had a kind face said, "Jo, don't be mean. We're the new business managers. We're here to work with you on managing the bakery to protect your interest in the business. You should have received a letter from the solicitors who hired us – Aurelius and Heavensbee? I'm Emma Paylor. This is Johanna Mason."

Peet thought for a minute. He vaguely recalled a letter or two from that firm arriving the day his mother left. He was fairly certain it had been what had triggered her rage.

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I saw it, but it was addressed to my brother. I didn't open it."

Johanna elbowed Emma. "He's polite as well as cute."

Emma sent her a look. "Jo, let's try to make a good impression. Peeta, right?"

"Peet. I go by Peet. Only my Mom and Dad call me Peeta."

Jo said under her breath, "Working in a bakery, I can see why you go by something else."

Emma sent her another look. Peet got the feeling that happened a lot. "Peet, Emma and I were hired, indirectly, by your father. Your father wanted you and your brothers to have the bakery, but he knew that the three of you did not have the time or experience to manage it. So he advised his solicitors to hire for that competency until the three of you feel like it can be transitioned."

Peet shook his head in confusion. "So let me recap. I work for you but you work for me?"

Johanna laughed. "He's got our number, Em."

Emma ignored her. "…Exactly. I know it seems complicated."

Peet shrugged. "Not really. You keep things running and I don't have to worry about it. That works for me. Welcome to Mellark's." He held out his hand to each of the women.

Peet showed them where supplies were kept, how the schedule was determined, where the secret recipe book was kept. They talked about expectations: he was happy to turn over full control to them since the past few weeks had held nothing but worry for him. He explained that customers had heard that his Mom had left and business had dropped off because of it. Luckily, none of the staff had defected, so they were still on schedule for cake and baked good deliveries.

They talked about the customer base, rush hour times of day, accounting details, payroll; all the details of a business. Peet admitted that some items had suffered from lack of attention. Emma assured him that she would dive right into the accounting that evening, taking copious notes all the while. Johanna, on the other hand, seemed bored and got up to pace several times during the conversation. Johanna finally left the office area, stating that she had to go meet some customers.

"Is she going to be ok?" Peet gestured with his chin towards Johanna's rapidly retreating back.

Emma nodded. "I know she seems unconventional. Think of it this way: I'm the business half and Johanna is the personality half. We complete it each other. Plus, she makes an amazing raspberry mocha latte. We won't let you down, Peet."

The entire time they talked Peet kept one eye on the clock, waiting for Katniss's lunchtime arrival. She would be on time if she was coming at all. Fifteen minutes past her "usual" time, the sinking feeling that she was not coming would not go away. He looked down at his hands, wondering if his mother was right and he was worthless, or invisible, or just not worth her time. _Of course she's busy: she's Katniss Everdeen._

Emma watched him for a moment. "Peet, do you want to talk about it?"

He took a breath. It would be nice to talk to someone besides Streeter about Katniss. Where to begin? He haltingly told his and Katniss's story to date: "There's a girl that I've liked her forever. We're sort of dating. I'm just not sure if she feels the same things as I do. She stops by sometimes for lunch and I thought she might come by today…"

"But she didn't show up?" Emma finished. Peet nodded. "Does she work nearby?"

"Next door."

"Then why don't you take her something? Just walk it over there, like it's your break." Emma asked.

"Katniss doesn't really like hand-outs." Peet winced. Even when he was helping her with Cato, she had seemed uncomfortable. She only tolerated him even when he walked her to classes now that they were supposedly dating. It was almost like she didn't know how to date. Or maybe she just wasn't that into him.

Emma's brow furrowed in concentration. "OK, how about this: if you haven't taken your lunch, make extra. Take them over and ask her if she'll have lunch with you. If she is as prickly as you say, then she should see the sandwich as an exchange for spending time together."

"You mean, like a bribe?"

"I mean like a reciprocal exchange of goods." Emma smiled at him, like the whole thing had been sorted. "Get on with you. Jo and I might as well get started learning about Mellark's, so we will cover."

-o-

Peet stood in front of Haymitch's, taking a moment to gather his composure. He took a breath and squared his shoulders. He opened the door and walked in, expecting Katniss to be behind the desk. Instead, an older man with graying dark hair and dressed in a rumpled black t-shirt and jeans sat with his feet propped up on the desk. He met Peet's gaze with a scowl and unsmiling gray eyes that looking just like Katniss's while he ran his hand across the stubble on his chin. If Peet hadn't known Katniss's history, he would have assumed that the man across from him was her father.

Peet cleared his throat. "Hello, sir. I'm from Mellark's…"

"…Obviously. It says so on your shirt." The man pointed a shaky hand at the logo across the front of Peet's chest.

"I thought I would bring lunch over." Peet held the bags out as an offering and smiled his best customer service smile.

"Well aren't you the boy scout." The man leaned back and took a sip of something that was most definitely not water. He eyed the bags. "What did you bring?"

"Um, turkey and cheese panini, extra mustard, pickle on the side and brownie. A cheese…" Peet stopped as the man held up his hand first to stop him, then to take the bag. He took the bag and ripped it open, then bit into the sandwich.

With his mouth full, then man said, "Have a seat." Peet snuck a look at the door to the repair bays, wondering if Katniss was there.

"You're the youngest Mellark boy. What's your name? Bun, Cupcake, Loaf…" The man took another bite.

'Peeta. Everyone calls me Peet."

"Well, Peeta," He dragged out Peet's name for emphasis, "My name's Haymitch. This here is my place and Katniss is my responsibility. You think you can just waltz in here with sandwiches and I'm going to let you have a go at her? What makes you different than all of the other boys I've seen sniffing around?"

"Sir, I don't want to _have a go_ at her. She's a friend." Peet's clear blue eyes clashed with stormy gray ones.

Haymitch stared at him for a moment, a mustard smear next to his lip. Then, he threw back his head and laughed. "How many times have you practiced that in front of the mirror? Does it work on other girls' parents? No – wait." He held up his hand to stop Peet from defending himself. "If I thought you were serious, I would tell you to get out of here right now - that you don't have the pluck for that firecracker of a girl. Now, try me again. Why are you here?" Haymitch bit into his brownie.

Peet swallowed. He stared past Haymitch to the wall behind him. Finally, he started speaking. "I've liked her for what seems like forever. Recently, she helped me. I mean, _really_ helped me through something rough. I thought that I might be finally catching a break, like she might even be interested in me back. Even if she's not – interested in me, I mean – I'm here to help her through what could be a rough time for her: some of the guys at school, well, they have decided that Katniss deserves their attention. And I don't want her to get hurt like that."

He finally met Haymitch's eyes. Haymitch chewed thoughtfully. When he finished swallowing, he dapped his mouth daintily with a napkin. "I have responsibility for two teenage girls, which is a fate that should not be wished on any man. Katniss, she's especially challenging - if a girl ever needed a date, it's her. She talks about you a fair amount. I have to believe that means something in her girl-head. You seem like a nice guy – you even have a job - which is more than half the kids in this town. At the same time, I have her welfare to think of. You say she's involved in something at school?"

When Peet nodded, Haymitch continued, "As long as you can protect her, you have my support. You come to me if you get in over your head. Understood?

Peet nodded again, unsure what to say to Haymitch's speech.

Haymitch leaned back in his chair again. "And for God's sake, wear a condom!"

Peet felt his face go up in flames. It wasn't as if he didn't think of Katniss that way: he had visions of her hair spread out on his pillow and he imagined both the lace peeking from her bunny suit and the brief kiss they had shared within stunning regularity. He just didn't want to admit that to her Haymitch.

"Haymitch, I told you that we had to order the part for Mrs. Minton's Lexus. There's no way we can make due with an aftermarket on this…" Katniss said as she strode in from the repair bays.

"Ah, sweetheart. Peeta Mellark came by with some sandwiches for lunch. Isn't that nice?" Haymitch glanced over Peet's shoulder. Peet rolled his eyes and very carefully turned around.

"Hey." He said, not really meeting her eyes.

"Hey." Katniss responded.

"Well, I can see why you can't get this off the ground, boy. Why don't you kids go have lunch? Sit outside, relax." When neither of them moved, Haymitch shook his head and picked up his drink. "How do I make this clearer: GET OUT."

Peet didn't need to be told twice. He pushed back his chair and exited the building, not really even caring if Katniss followed. Once outside, he leaned against the green wall of the building and closed his eyes. It was going to take him a year to bring his heart rate back under control. He might even have nightmares as a result of that conversation.

"I should apologize for Haymitch. Talking with him can be pretty horrible." Katniss sounded apologetic.

Without opening his eyes, Peet said, "I brought you a cheese and tomato panini but it's probably cold by now."

"Thanks. I don't suppose there's a cookie in there too?" Katniss said.

"There is," he said. He imagined that he could actually hear a smile in her voice.

"Want to split it?"

Peet opened his eyes to see her watching him. She seemed sincere. "Oh, I uh…I brought my own."

"Great. Let's find a spot to sit." Katniss walked around the side of the building to a patch of grass and sat down, then looked back at Peet.

His hands were cramped from gripping the bags so hard, but he finally handed her a bag marked with a "K". They both opened their lunches in silence and began to eat. Katniss took tiny bites, along with sips of iced tea.

"I'm sorry it's cold." Peet motioned to her sandwich.

"It's fine." She continued taking little bites.

 _Wow. This is just going to be the most torturous lunch in the history of mankind,_ Peet thought. He crumpled up the waxed paper from his sandwich and left his cookie in the Mellark bag. There was no way he was drawing this lunch out by eating dessert. Besides, he wasn't that hungry anymore, anyway. Once he was done, he noticed that she had stopped taking bites of her sandwich altogether. He reached for her garbage without saying a word.

He sighed heavily. _This was a mistake._

She looked at him, as if searching for something to say. Finally, she blurted out, "What's your favorite?" He looked at her, perplexed. "Your favorite sandwich and cookie – what are they? You know mine, so isn't it fair that I should know yours?"

He stared at her, and then finally said, "Turkey with mayonnaise, cranberry sauce, and stuffing on a hard roll. And oatmeal raisin." He got up from the grass and brushed himself off. "Thanks for sitting with me for lunch. I guess I'll see you around."

-o-

She could see the disappointment on his face and knew she had made a muddle of things. _Haymitch is right; I do have the personality of a slug._ "Peet, wait. It was really nice of you to bring lunch. Would you like to meet up at the beach tomorrow? Or do you have to work?"

Peet said slowly, as if he did not believe her words, "I'm off tomorrow. We could meet up. What time? "

"Well, uh, do you surf in the morning? We could meet up for breakfast?" The minute the words were out of her mouth, she wanted to bite them back.

Katniss understood predictable people: Prim was sweet and loving, Haymitch was surly. Peet barely knew her and had not talked to her much for most of their lives, but he was suddenly open, trusting and nice. It was doubly confusing because of everything he had been through. He had walked her to class, waited for her before first bell, and even offered to carry her books. And now he had brought her lunch… she was frustrated because she didn't know how to act around a real boyfriend, let alone a fake one. And when that fake one looked like Peet Mellark… she thought more about the kiss they had shared than she wanted to admit.

He was out of her league and she knew it. Thinking about it made her stomach hurt so much that she hadn't even been able to enjoy her sandwich.

-o-

Peet had been up most of the night baking a variety of breakfast foods: scones, muffins, even pastries. He had every intention of giving the extra to the ever-hungry Streeter when they met up to surf after he finally decided on two or three different items to serve. He really wanted to impress her. Peet elected for two kinds of muffins, some cut up fruit and coffee, tea or orange juice. And finally went to sleep in the early hours of the morning feeling prepared.

All would have gone according to plan if he had not overslept. He rose late in a panic, knowing he would not have enough time to surf, which also meant that he didn't get to offload the dozens of breakfast rejects onto Streeter.

Which meant that his kitchen looked like a bakery.

Peet ran a hand through his hair and then rubbed the back of his neck. Should he shove everything into cupboards? Throw it all in the trash? Katniss would be there any minute and he just wasn't sure what to do. In the end, he plated a selection of items, left the fruit in the fridge, put out the juice and put water on for tea. He was just too tired for much else.

-o-

Katniss gripped the strap of her backpack and twisted, thinking for the millionth time that she should just go home. Disastrous thoughts kept plaguing her: _Peet is out of your league. This is a dumb idea. He is going to laugh at you when you get to his house_. She had been up half the night with a nightmare - in it, Peet was not home but his mother greeted her at the door with a red rolling pin.

She was lost in her thoughts when she knocked on the sliding door. When Peet opened it looking like he had been up most of the night as well, she scowled. _Why did we both agree to this if it was such a hassle?_

"You look like hell." She blurted out.

"Thanks. I was up late. Good morning to you, too." Peet said.

Katniss blushed slightly, feeling defensive. She could easily see why he was tired once she moved past him: It looked like every surface in the kitchen had some sort of baked good on it. The smell alone stopped her in her tracks as she quietly too kin the sigh of were muffins, scones, quick breads, danish and coffeecakes. She stood there, dumbfounded.

"Were you single handedly waging war on low carb diets?" Katniss couldn't help but ask.

The kettle whistled and Peet bustled around the kitchen. "Would you like some coffee or tea?"

"Tea. Two sugars, no milk, please." She glanced around again, still not quite believing what she was seeing. He handed her a mug. It smelled like the night of the Halloween party and her stomach gave a little twinge. She quieted it by observing how comfortable Peet looked in the kitchen. It made her quietly envious of his confidence.

"Been busy?" She motioned around her.

He looked sheepish. "I didn't know what you would like for breakfast, so I made a little extra."

"A little extra? If this is a little extra, Mellark, thenI would hate to see it when you go all out _._ I feel badly – I only brought some fruit." She reached into her bag and pulled out a container of figs, grown by Prim.

Peet washed them and put them in a bowl as Katniss sniffed various dishes around the room. "You made these with real butter, didn't you?"

"Of course. Why bake with anything else?" He paused as if suddenly considering a different angle, "You're not lactose intolerant, are you?" He groaned out loud.

Katniss laughed. "No. Prim – that's my sister – is a vegetarian, so we almost never have it in the house. And before she was a vegetarian, we couldn't afford it." She took another deep breath and said fervently, "I am going to try every single thing."

Peet suddenly broke out into a huge grin, as if her statement had made his day. "Where would you like to start?"

"I don't know. What's your favorite? Be my tour guide."

-o-

Peet walked Katniss through various dishes. She took bites of this and that: dunking scones and biscotti, trying a double chocolate muffin. She steered away from the orange cranberry muffins, mumbling something about her friend Gale. Peet looked amazed at her reaction to chocolate croissants and his cinnamon streusel coffee cake, especially when she licked her fingers. Katniss kept exclaiming that she couldn't eat another bite, but she somehow found room.

Finally, Katniss had enough. "If I eat anything else, I am going to explode!" She grinned at Peet, who grinned back.

"Let's take towels and head out to the sand. I don't know about you, but I could use a rest after all that breakfast." Peet grabbed two beach towels off and they headed outside.

It was a perfectly sunny day in Southern California. Santa Ana winds blowing from the east meant that it was warmer than normal for November. In no time at all, Peet and Katniss had their towels spread out and sunscreen applied as best they could without asking the other to help. Katniss groaned the minute her head hit the sand and she wiggled to make herself comfortable.

"This feels so good. I swear I am never moving." Katniss was amazed at how relaxed she felt. Some of that was due to the copious amounts of food, she was sure. Some of that was just Peet's easygoing personality. He had made it easy to relax and have a good time and had accepted her for herself. He hadn't even stared at her when she stripped down to her bikini. Katniss had no illusions about her body: she was skinny and lacked a certain set of curves. She was just grateful that he hadn't stared at her like she was a freak.

She, on the other hand, was hoping that he would fall asleep so she could stare at him. He wasn't amazingly muscled or anything but he had a nice physique, stocky and toned from working at the bakery, wrestling and surfing. He looked strong, capable, and healthy. With his blonde hair and tanned skin, he was worth a second look as long.

"Is your name really Peeta?" It popped out before she could stop it. She heard him sigh.

"Yes. Please, no bakery jokes. I've heard them all." Peet said.

"Oh? All of them?" She laughed, imagining the smile she could hear behind the words.

He took it as a dare. "Let's see: Bun boy, Bread head, Peeta pocket, Dough dork. And those are just the clean ones."

"I like it. At least you're not named after a flower." She said that last word like it was the most hateful thing in the world. Peet chuckled. Katniss thought she could hear him smile. She could picture his dimple and his laughing blue eyes, and his mussed hair. She wondered if his hair was soft.

You have no idea how many times I hear 'you have nice buns'." He countered. They both laughed.

Katniss fought to keep her eyelids open.

Katniss could tell she was dreaming. Normally the thought of someone touching her made her feel uncomfortable. These hands were warm and gentle, which was exactly how she imagined Peet's hands would feel. She could feel the calluses of a thumb rubbing circles on her slippery skin. Suddenly, she wanted a repeat of the kiss from Halloween, so she took his face in her hands and put her lips against his. Peet's lips were soft. She nibble on his lips as they moved against hers, deepening the kiss. She ran her hands across his chest as he rubbed maddening circles on her hip bones and she kissed him until they both needed to come up for air. She wondered if, in real life, his kisses tasted like cookies.

Sometime later, a shadow covered them both, startling Katniss awake. "Well, if it isn't Mellark and his Seam slut."

Katniss blinked sleepily to the sight of Cato standing over them. She and Peet had shifted during sleep so that they were nose to nose. She had been using one of his arms as a pillow, while one of his hands rested just on her belly button. She could feel the callous on his thumb and she squirmed, remembering her dream.

-o-

Peet awoke without a sound, going from completely asleep to fully awake as he always did. He opened his eyes to find her gray ones gazing into his. When he registered where his hand was located, he froze wide-eyed. He could smell the warm sun on her skin, which smelled faintly of banana sunscreen. Despite the fact that Cato was watching them, he wanted to dip his head and kiss her, or draw her closer so he could trace her spine with his fingers. He was amazed at how tiny she was – how delicate. He had always drawn Katniss as lithe and confident. He knew the next time he would capture a more vulnerable side that he had not known existed.

He shifted positions casually to look at Cato. He gave a huge yawn to communicate how bored he was. "Hey, Cato. Getting some exercise?" Cato was co-captain of the football team and most definitely did not need more muscles.

Peet could see more classmates arriving with Cato. Madge looked on, a worried look on her face. Peet sent her a smile. She had heard what had happened at her party, but neither Peet nor Katniss had explained what was really going on. Peet was glad that Katniss had at least one more friend who worried about her.

"Mellark, a bunch of us are going to play some volleyball. Why don't you take your smack-talk and join us so I can finally beat you fair and square?"

Peet narrowed his eyes. "It's not my fault you lost the last match because you didn't play fair." Both boys know that Peet referred to the Halloween party and Cato's mistreatment of Katniss. Peet shrugged. "I'd love to play in a few minutes."

When Cato left, Peet turned to Katniss. Before he could say anything, she said, "You don't have anything to prove, you know. He's a jerk."

"I know. You want to play?" Peet thought it might be a great way to let off some steam, because he couldn't keep from glancing at her lips. Something about waking up next to her made him want to be reckless and take a chance, just like the night of the Halloween party.

Katniss thought for a moment, biting her lip as if considering something. Finally, she said, "I think I would rather stay here."

Peet shrugged, hiding his disappointment. He hadn't really thought she would jump at the opportunity, since she wasn't much of a joiner, but it was still worth a try. As he made his way over to the volleyball net, he passed Madge walking toward Katniss.

-o-

Katniss eyed Madge in her white bikini, her perfect hair and body shining in the sun. She wondered if Peet was comparing the two of them and noticed how much Katniss came up short when compared to her friend. Madge sat gracefully on Peet's towel and tucked her feet under her, tossing her hair over her shoulder casually.

"Hey, Katniss said.

"Hey." Madge watched her friend for a moment, then stared out at the surf. "You know, you said during lunch that nothing was going on between you and Peet."

"Nothing is going on between us." Katniss tucked her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms around her legs.

"The two of you were curled up next to each other." Madge met Katniss's glare with an even glance. "Katniss, I'm on your side. And I'm not going to judge."

Katniss looked at her friend before watching the boys play volleyball. She admired the way the sun reflected off of Peet's skin, making his skin glow. His teeth seemed very white when he smiled. Even when he was concentrating hard – like when he was serving – his lips seemed to curve upward a bit.

Katniss immediately thought of his lips on hers and touched her fingers to her lips.

Madge leaned over. "There's nothing wrong with wanting a relationship, Katniss."

Without even thinking, Katniss answered, "Madge, please drop it."

"I'll drop it when you stop staring at him like he's a steak dinner." Madge laughed. Madge knew she had pushed Katniss too far when Katniss got up and then yanked on her shorts.

"Katniss, come on. Don't go." Madge apologized.

"I've got to go. I've been here long enough." She folded her towel and grabbed her backpack. When she whirled around, Peet was standing there, looking a little hurt.

"Taking off, huh?" He motioned to her backpack.

"Yeah. It's later than I thought. I've got to get home." Katniss couldn't meet his eyes.

"OK. Thanks for coming." Peet stood there for a minute as if arguing with himself. Finally, as if he could read her earlier thoughts, Peet dropped his eyes to her lips. He leaned in and whispered for her ears alone, "Remember, we're supposed to be madly in love. So it's ok to kiss me whenever you feel like it." He pulled back and winked at her.

Katniss could feel the blush spread from her face to her neck. If looks could kill, Peet would be a dead man. She needed to show him that she was not afraid of him, so she leaned in and kissed him. It was neither a long kiss nor was it tender, but it got the point across that Katniss did not like to be mocked.

Damn him, though. He did taste like cookies.

-o-

By Thanksgiving, Katniss and Peet were meeting for breakfast a couple of times a week. Although Peet never made the volume of food he did that first day, he always baked and she always brought something from Prim's garden. On days when they both worked, they fell into a pattern of eating lunch together outside either Haymitch's or the bakery.

The Saturday before Thanksgiving, Katniss washed up and headed over to Mellark's like usual. She was greeted by Emma Paylor, who had introduced herself as the new manager for the bakery. She seemed nice and Peet seemed to enjoy working with her.

"Hey, Katniss! Good to see you." Emma said warmly. Katniss thought she did everything warmly; it was hard not to like Emma.

"Peet, your girlfriend is here!" Johanna yelled.

Katniss though Johanna was crass, difficult, and seemed to have no internal filter. She made Katniss nervous, especially when she was grinning at Katniss in a way that made Katniss blush. It was like Johanna could see into her head, especially when it came to Peet.

Emma threw Johanna a dirty look and guided Katniss over to a small table. "Why don't we have a seat for a minute until Peet comes to join you? I was hoping I could talk to you for a minute."

Katniss was suddenly defensive. Why would Emma want to talk to her? Had she done something wrong?

"Katniss, we don't know each other very well and I am not sure how to broach this topic, so I will pretend to be Johanna and just jump in."

"Hey, I heard that!" Johanna said from behind the counter.

Emma laughed in Johanna's direction. "As I was saying…here it goes. What are you and your family doing for Thanksgiving?"

Katniss thought for a moment about the modest dinner she and Prim usually cooked. Haymitch usually passed out in front of the TV claiming to be watching football, but really just too drunk or tired (or both) to care. Sometimes she read or took pictures. Prim usually gardened. It was a quiet day.

Finally, she answered, "Just the usual sort of stuff. We cook dinner and we eat it."

Emma smiled again. "I was hoping you would accept an invitation to come to my home for dinner. You and your family, that is. Peet has been invited as well. I'm concerned about him, alone for the holiday. And I don't think he feels all that safe in the house, still, so I thought someplace else would be nice. We could maybe start making some happy memories for him." Emma's eyes were kind and thoughtful.

The sentiment still hit Katniss like a slap. Peet didn't feel safe in his own home? Still? Because he was afraid that the witch was coming back? Because of unhappy memories there? She and Peet had never even hinted to those sorts of feelings. Should he have? Should she have asked? She closed her eyes

When she opened them, Emma's eyes were on hers. Katniss realized that Emma must be waiting for an answer. She supposed that she and Prim could go and give Haymitch the day off. In the end, she told Emma that she would run it by her sister and see what she thought.

Emma patted her hand. "Excellent. If you can just let Peet know? I'm making a list of things I want to make. I can't wait!"

-o-

Katniss, Prim and Haymitch stood outside of Emma's duplex. Katniss held a bouquet of flowers while Prim carried some sort of cranberry sauce she had concocted. Haymitch was holding a bottle of wine that Katniss did not doubt he would drink himself. Frankly, she had been surprised when Haymitch had said he wanted to tag along. Katniss knocked on the door, only to hear someone call out that it was open.

Katniss opened the door to the duplex, expecting a small, dark space. Instead, she was greeted by a large open room directly in front of the door that held an area rug, couch and a flat panel television. To the right was a spacious, professional grade kitchen with a counter and bar stools. The left side of the open area featured two sets of French doors, which were open to a patio and a garden. The patio had a table set for six. Katniss saw no sign of Johanna, which was probably for the best. She was a little disappointed that Peet was not there yet.

After introductions and the requisite exclamations over their gifts, Haymitch planted himself on the couch with a glass of wine. Prim squealed when she saw the garden and rushed outside to check it out. That left Katniss with hands empty and nothing to do.

"Can I help with something?" She asked Emma.

Haymitch chimed in, "Emma, don't let her touch anything – she'll ruin it."

"Haymitch may be right – I can't cook." Katniss looked down at her feet.

Emma laughed. "Katniss, come into my kitchen. I'll tell you a secret that my Momma used to tell me. If you cook like you love – with your whole heart - you will never serve a bad meal." Emma walked her over to the stove and handed her an apron to cover her sundress. Katniss looked at it like it was a snake poised to strike. Emma laughed again and asked what she felt capable of doing with love. Fifteen minutes later, Katniss was decapitating vegetables for a salad.

"Who gave her my knife?" Katniss heard Johanna saunter into the house.

"Hey, Jo. She's pretty handy with a knife. Not quite as good as you, but good." Emma said to her friend.

"Where's Peet?" Johanna looked around. Emma and Johanna exchanged a concerned look.

"I should call him." Emma excused herself, while Johanna leaned next to Katniss and filched a cherry tomato.

"Who's the old timer?" Johanna asked.

Katniss looked over at Johanna, assuming she was talking about Haymitch. "That's Haymitch, my guardian. The blonde outside is my little sister, Prim."

"Little? She's taller than you are – not that that's hard to be." Johanna shifted. "You and Peet didn't get in a fight or anything did you? Maybe you wouldn't put out and he's too embarrassed to come to dinner?" Katniss concentrated hard on the knife while she blushed. She though she heard a snort come from the couch.

Emma came back into the room. With a large sigh she said, "He's not picking up. We should just start without him."

A million different thoughts raced through Katniss's mind as she carried dishes to the patio table. _What if his mother came back? What if he had hurt himself? What if he had gone surfing alone and had an accident? What if he was thinking about his Dad and did something horrible to himself?"_ If anyone noticed she seemed preoccupied, they didn't say anything. Even Prim seemed happy just introducing herself around the table and asking Emma about her garden.

As dishes were passed, she heard a noise outside the gate, then Peet's voice. She flew through the house, knocking the breath out of him and tumbling a Mellark's bag to the floor. He wrapped his arms around her to steady her.

"Where have you been?" She whispered urgently, a scowl evident on her features.

"I stopped by the bakery to get some try something new for today. Is everything ok? Are you ok?" Peet stepped away slightly to get a look at her.

"Emma called you and you didn't pick up. She said you were late. We were all worried." Katniss scowled.

-o-

Peet rubbed the back of his neck, "I left my phone in my jacket pocket and it was on vibrate. I must not have heard it ringing. I'm sorry I worried you." It felt good to be wanted and worried over; Peet hadn't felt that since his Dad. It made him want to hug her. It made him want to run his finges through her long dark hair, as he backed her up against the wall and lowered his head to hers.

_Woah! Easy, Mellark._

Instead, he picked up the Mellark's bag from the floor. "Good thing these didn't spill."

"What are they?" Katniss eyed the bag suspiciously, as if it had caused the ruin of her entire day.

"They are a surprise new recipe. I thought we could try them out with dinner."

Peet walked to the table where Katniss had resumed her seat. He said hello to everyone and apologized for being late. Emma asked him to please sit down. He noticed that Katniss refused to look at him, but everyone else was smiling or grinning at him. He looked back at Katniss.

Haymitch broke the silence. "Nice of you to join us, boy. Do you think we could eat now?"

Prim responded, "Haymitch, you know we need to say what we're thankful for first."

Emma laughed her light and breezy laugh. "Prim's right. We need to join hands and say what we are thankful for." She took Peeta's hand in hers, along with Haymitch's. Haymitch looked slightly queasy at the contact. Emma looked pointedly at Johanna, who looked almost as queasy as Haymitch. Johanna reluctantly took the hands of Prim and Katniss. Finally, Peet closed the circle and took Katniss's hand, gripping it reassuringly.

Emma said, "I'll go first. I am thankful for new friends and old ones with whom to share this wonderful day." She looked at Haymitch, indicating it was his turn.

"I'm thankful for strong drink."

"Haymitch!" Prim said, laughing.

"Well, I am." He said defensively.

Prim continued, throwing a chastising look his way. "Fine. I'm thankful for Haymitch. And for the best sister in the whole world, who continues to take care of me. And her boyfriend, who I hope makes me all the cookies I can eat." And then Prim stuck her tongue out at Haymitch.

"Sweetheart, it's easy to believe you're fifteen." Haymitch said. The entire table laughed.

Johanna looked at Emma like she might have to hit someone. "I can't believe you're making me do this touchy-feely crap." Emma just nodded encouragement. "I'm thankful for good business opportunities and for friends who let me be myself." With that, she glared at Emma, who chuckled.

Katniss looked at Prim. "I'm thankful for my sister."

Peet cleared his throat."I'm thankful for the legacy my father left me: for new friends, for possibilities. Most of all, for love." He looked at Katniss and squeezed her hand; she could the feel the callous on his thumb rub against the skin of her hand and was transfixed by his deep blue eyes.

"You guys should get a room." Prim said matter-of-factly.

Katniss glared, but Haymitch snorted in agreement. "Prim, too bad the only thing Katniss can screw is a lug nut."

Johanna chimed in, "Well, that's probably best to avoid a bun in the oven." At that, everyone but Katniss laughed. Even Peet could not keep a totally straight face. When he too burst into laughter, Katniss dropped his hand with a glare.

Dinner was uneventful after that, full of laughter over the anecdotes. Johanna told a story of two older lady customers who seemed to have taken to visiting Mellark's for early afternoon tea. They liked to analyze in detail relative sexiness of actors in Hollywood and their tastes tended to the shockingly youthful. Her descriptions of the women, coiffed and neatly dressed, contrasted with the lurid details they discussed. Emma explained the concept of the "pay it forward" coffee, where one person pays for his coffee and the coffee of the next person in line. Sometimes the customers keep in going for a chain of "pay it forwards". She told a story about one gentleman who did not believe that he would get his coffee for free, so he insisted on paying. When Emma said that he would be paying for the next customer in line, he became agitated and insisted on paying only for his own coffee. By the end of the mean, they were all full of good food and the warmth of the Del Mar sun.

Only Peet was oddly silent.

While everyone was clearing dishes and putting away leftovers, Prim stopped Peeta for a moment. "Peet, you're being very quiet. Are you ok?"

"Yeah. I guess I'm just tired. I haven't been sleeping that well. Add in a big dinner of rich food and pie…" Prim pursed her lips and nodded. She remembered the first holidays without her parents: the grief and the terrible feeling of being alone. Only Katniss had been able to heal that by making her feel wanted and loved and part of a family again.

She patted his arm. "I can give you a tisane to help you sleep. Something herbal."

"Wait. Did you make the salve that Katniss left at my house?"

"Yeah. I grow a lot of herbs and trade for them at the Hob too. It should have helped with healing and swelling. I used strawflowers. She didn't tell you?" Prim stuck her lower lip out in a pout.

Peet shook his head. "It was great – worked well and didn't smell all girl-y. Do you mind if I keep it for wrestling season?"

"Go ahead. I can make more if you like and even scent it with a different essential oil if you prefer."

"No, it's great. Thanks."

Prim was silent for a moment. "Why don't you take Katniss home? I know she may not seem like it, but she's a great listener. She has wicked nightmares too, so she understands. Maybe she could keep you company until you fall asleep?" When Peet stared at her, she added, "Peet, I get that you're into her. I think you could be really good for each other."

"Katniss terrifies me. She could break my heart into a thousand pieces and not even know it."

Prim laughed. "Peet, did you see her face at dinner?"

"Yeah. All she does is scowl at me." Peet said.

Prim smiled at him. "Well, duh. You should know by now that the more Katniss scowls, the more she cares. Besides, did you ever think that you're missing the point and that you terrify her too?"

-o-

Katniss wasn't happy that Prim had made her go home with Peet. In the end, all Prim had to do was let her eyes well up with tears and ask, "Remember how you felt right after Dad died and Mom left? Imagine how much worse it is being in that house over Thanksgiving, afraid of your Mom coming back and grieving at the same time."

The problem was that Katniss could imagine it. Peet was becoming someone she had way too much sympathy for and she didn't like it, not one little bit. She was feeling very vulnerable around him. That, coupled with the other feelings he aroused in her, made her feel defensive.

Peet unlocked the door and held it for her. They both entered the house silently, walking through it to the kitchen. He put away the unopened Mellark's bag and put on the kettle for tea. They walked to the family room and sat down on the couch.

Katniss looked around at the room, which she hadn't visited since October. It looked lived in and comfortable in contrast to the austere cleanliness from before. It almost looked like Peeta had been sleeping on the couch – there was a comforter and a pillow folded on the arm, and sneakers and socks stood neatly lined up next to the coffee table. She could almost imagine him here every night, watching television until his eyelids would stay open no longer, waiting for sleep to claim him. She wondered if he had as many sleepless nights as she had.

She heard him sigh. Without turning around, she could almost see him running his hands through his hair. "You don't need to stay."

She didn't want to stay. But she heard the grief behind those words and she had promised Prim…Whether he thought she had better things to do, or he just didn't want her to have to watch his sorrow, she knew that she needed to help.

She didn't acknowledge his words. Instead, she said, "After my Dad died, I spent a lot of time roaming the house in the middle of the night. Prim had nightmares and I thought I needed to be awake to help her through them." She didn't add that she had them too and still did.

He readied the tea and brought it over to the coffee table, then sat on the couch. "You don't need to tell me this. You don't need to pity me."

She sat next to him. "Is that what you think? You think I pity you?"

He laughed bitterly. "I never fought back, Katniss. I never raised a hand to her. Not once. Haven't you been wondering that? You've been through so much and I've been…I've been a coward."

She looked at him. "I always wondered why you didn't go after her. Didn't you take second in a wrestling championship against your brother a couple of years ago? I would have thought you could have taken her. And I think your recent events trump mine by a long shot."

"I don't know why I didn't go after her. Maybe it's because I knew that I could hurt her; really hurt her if I did. And I just didn't want to be like her." Peet sniffled. "My Dad…My Dad wanted me to believe in the good in the people. This was his favorite time of year. We used to bake. The house would smell so good. He used to say that this was the kick-off to the Mellark holiday season. He was everything that my Mom was not. Sometimes I think that the reason she hit me was to balance out how good he was."

Katniss was silent for a minute, letting her rage for his mother course through her veins, hearing him cry softly. She had no words in her to answer the grief in his sobs, so she pulled her knees up to her chest and sat next to him, silent.

When he was all cried out, he leaned his head back against the couch. "I wish I were more like you. I've thought for a long time that you are the bravest person I know."

Katniss gaped at him. "You're kidding."

"No." He turned his head to look at her, "You were so sad when your Dad died. It was like all the light went out of you. And then you fought to come back with everything you had. I've never known anyone who fought so hard for something."

At his words, the memory of the card from so long ago popped into her head. "I'm not brave. I did what I had to do for Prim. You don't have a reason to fight like I had to."

-o-

He turned his head away from her and closed his eyes. "You still don't get it, do you? You're my reason." He pictured her at twelve, tiny and thin and so sad, her gray eyes huge in her face. He remembered the terror of her wasting away, almost like he could see her losing pieces of herself every day. And then, little by little she came back to herself.

Unlike he who had lost bits of himself: his honor, his safety, his self-respect.

He realized that she had gotten quiet and it made him wonder tiredly if he had embarrassed her. He was tired of the game. He wanted more from her; he wanted her to realize that she meant more to him than just their agreement. He was frustrated and sad and all of the emotions of the day hit him at once. He wished more than anything that his Dad was there for him. He wished his Mom wasn't a witch. He wished he wasn't afraid all of the time.

 _Nothing left to lose, Mellark._ "Are you going to leave now? Because I said that?" He opened his eyes and looked at her. "Because if you're not, come here."


	6. December

"Deck the halls with boughs of holly…." Peet sang along with the stereo while he and Emma decorated the bakery. He was up on a ladder hanging garland and wearing reindeer antlers with bells on them when Katniss walked in for lunch. Christmas was two weeks away: it was Peeta's favorite time of year and he was in a great mood. Not even Johanna's "bah humbug" attitude could bring him down.

He climbed down off the ladder, grabbed Katniss around the waist and said "Ho Ho Ho, what do you want for Christmas, little lady?"

Katniss chewed on her lip. How was she supposed to broach the subject of taking a break from each other? He seemed like he was in such a great mood, and it was two weeks before Christmas. On the other hand, Gale was coming home for a visit and Cato had been giving Peet a really hard time about the annual winter break Tahoe ski trip. She knew that she could convince Peet to go. She didn't want to get in the way of his friendships, even if Cato was a jerk who called her a Seam slut every time she saw him. Streeter would be going, as would Madge and Delly. It would be good for him to get away. And it would give her time to think.

She found that she had trouble thinking with increasing frequency when she was around Peet. Ever since Thanksgiving, when they had fallen asleep on the couch wrapped around each other, something had changed. She enjoyed being around him, but it was more than that. It was like certain touches or looks made her want to just go up in flames. It made her flustered and angry and defensive because she just did not know what to make of it. Peet seemed so unaffected, which didn't help her confusion. In fact, it just made her want to hit him.

"Peet, Johanna needs some help in the back. Oh, hi, Katniss! Are you going to come to my house and decorate Christmas cookies next weekend? See if Prim wants to come too?" Emma's enthusiasm was always contagious.

 _Wait a minute._ "You guys are making Christmas cookies? You work in a bakery! Isn't that weird?"

Emma's laugh rang out. "Katniss, I work in a bakery because I love to bake and I love people. Christmas is all about doing for other people. If I can do more by baking, then I am doubly happy! You guys should come. Johanna is making her eggnog. I'll even let you and Peet have some." Emma winked.

Johanna yelled from the back, "Bring Haymitch too. I'll make a big batch and he and I can taste test."

If she went, it meant that she would spend another night around a boy she was finding more and more irresistible. She glanced over at his reindeer antlers and saw him smiling at her. When she found herself smiling back, she knew she was in big trouble.

"Come to Emma's?" He said quietly. His voice was tender, intimate and full of entreaty. She felt herself mesmerized by blue eyes full of hope. They searched hers, the blue in his apron bringing out the darker blue flecks in them and the feel of his body, solid and warm, lured her in. It felt almost as good as she recalled walking up in his arms at Thanksgiving.

She nodded. When he grinned, she dropped her eyes and said to Emma, "Yes. I'll check with Prim and Haymitch, but I'll come."

"Great, it's a party!" Emma turned to help a customer and Peet went to help Johanna before breaking for lunch. Katniss sank to a chair and propped her head up on her chin. _She was in big trouble._

-o-

Emma's house was festive. Although the sun set early in December, she had her patio doors open and the whole patio was lit with oil lamps and candles. Johanna had taken up residence outside with Haymitch and the two were slinging back eggnog laced with bourbon like it was the elixir of life. Periodically, the sound of them arguing over their chess game would drift into the kitchen, louder than the Christmas carols playing on the stereo. Meanwhile, Prim, Emma and Peet were in the kitchen pulling tray after tray of cookies from the double ovens.

"I still don't get it. You guys work at a bakery." Katniss sat on a bar stool and watched Peet paint a Christmas tree cookie carefully with icing. She had never noticed how long his eyelashes were, or how steady his hands were. Just watching his hands and the look of intensity on his face as he decorated the cookies made her shudder with something she did not want to name.

Prim laughed, but Emma answered. "I told you that they are different. I love working at the bakery. But that's hundreds of cookies at a time. These are the cookies I grew up with - cookies that my Mom made for us and her Mom before her. It's about love and tradition and giving to others."

"But what are you going to do with all of these?" Katniss asked as she stole a white ball shaped cookie rolled in powdered sugar and bit into it. The taste of butter and sugar and toasted pecans exploded in her mouth.

Prim said, "I hope we're going to eat them!"

"I was hoping we might give them out." Peet said. He looked up at three sets of eyes fixated on him. Katniss scowled.

"Give them out? Like to who?" Prim asked as she bit into a thumbprint cookie filled with blackberry jam. She closed her eyes in ecstasy.

"Well, what about to some of the nursing homes? People who don't have anyone to spend the holidays with would appreciate a little extra joy. We could do it Christmas Eve."

"Peet, that is an awesome idea! Do you think we need to do double batches of the ones without nuts? Or adapt anything to make them easier to eat?" Emma was thoughtful.

"Let's not. You said a lot of these are family recipes: let's stick with tradition and maybe some of the people we visit will be reminded of past holidays."

Katniss stared like he was an idiot. "You want to give this stuff away to total strangers so that they can be reminded of their families who are gone or don't care about them? Don't you think it might make them want to kill themselves or something? Not everyone has good times to remember, Peet." And she stormed off to the patio.

Johanna saw her coming and said loudly, "Looks like we've got a live one, Haymitch."

"Oh, sweetheart gets like this sometimes." Haymitch pointed his glass at Katniss.

Katniss glared at them both. "Bonding, are we?"

Haymitch ignored her comment. "What happened?"

Katniss explained Peet's idea to them both. "I think it's a stupid idea to remind people how great things used to be and how everyone they loved abandoned them."

Johanna snorted. "Yep, sounds like the Peet I know." She stared into her glass, swirling the liquid around. "If he can pull it off, he's not hurting anyone. I hate the fucking holidays."

Haymitch considered his drink. "Jo, she's not really a 'better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all' sort of gal, our Katniss. She's more of a 'hold a grudge and be miserable' sort. Which is why I thought the boy might be good for her."

Johanna smirked. "You mean besides giving her crank shaft a turn?"

Haymitch looked at her blearily. "Cars haven't had a manual crankshaft for a hundred years. You know that, right?"

Katniss glared at them both. "Why did I think you would understand? He's lost someone recently. I thought he would get that not everyone wants to be reminded."

Haymitch put his glass down carefully on the table so it would not spill and leaned toward her. All traces of a smirk were gone from his face and he was close enough that she could smell the fumes coming off of his breath. "Did you ever stop to think that he wants to do this because his loss is so recent? That he wants to hold on to the feelings of love and happiness that he had as tightly as he can? You could live ten thousand years and never deserve him, you know."

Katniss dropped her eyes to the glass on the table _._ Maybe if she could remember more of her Dad she would want to hold onto him too. Suddenly she was jealous of Peet and his memories; she remembered so little and each year they got hazier and hazier. She suddenly grabbed the glass and took a drink, almost choking on the harsh liquid as it burned her throat.

Johanna laughed as Katniss gasped and coughed. Haymitch took the glass out of her hand. "We shouldn't waste good bourbon on a lightweight like you. Now, go play with your friends."

She narrowed her eyes. "Haymitch, you suck."

"I know, sweetheart. I know. But I'm not going anywhere." He toasted her with his glass.

Katniss pushed out her chair and walked back inside. Peet met her at the door.

"We don't have to do that if you don't want to. I just thought… I don't know. I thought Christmas was always a happy time of year. I forget that it's not for some people."He gently brushed a piece of her hair from her face.

"Peet, I don't understand how you can be so damn generous. Especially after everything you've been through, don't you just want to be selfish once in a while?"

Katniss heard giggling from the kitchen. "Hey, look you guys! You're under the mistletoe!" She looked up and sure enough, there was a kissing ball hanging from the door frame. She scowled up at Peet when she heard Haymitch and Johanna chime into the laughter.

Peet looked at her thoughtfully, then leaned his forehead against hers. "You think I never want to be selfish? I look at you and all I feel is selfish." Before Katniss could react to that statement, he leaned in and gently touched his lips to hers, stealing her breath. She could never be sure who deepened the kiss. Katniss felt his hands cup her jaw, one thumb stroking her while his lips clung and slid against hers. He tasted of creamed sugar and butter with a bit of vanilla. She wanted to savor every bit of him. She wanted to gobble him up in one bite.

Johanna's ear-piercing wolf whistle brought her back to herself. She found her hands gripping his forearms, although whether to push him away or hold him in place she did not want to examine too closely. A quick glance told her that Prim was gaping at her and Emma was grinning widely. Peeta leaned his forehead back against hers while they both caught their breath.

Haymitch casually said, "He keeps practicing moves like that and he might actually get his baguette buttered."

That was the last straw for Katniss – she whirled and stormed out of the house.

Prim calmly washed her hands and said to Peet, "Why don't you come back and finish decorating? She needs to cool off." When he looked hesitant, she walked up and hugged him. "Peet, really, it will be ok. Katniss just has to blow off steam once in a while. She needs some space. I'll talk to her later."

Johanna chimed in, "That's not all she needs…." And then she and Haymitch chortled together.

-o-

Prim came to bed that night, not even trying to be quiet. She knew Katniss must be awake after spying the stiff set of her shoulders, so she sat down on her own bed and waited. Sure enough, Katniss rolled over.

"You should have stayed. It was fun and Peet is an amazing cookie decorator. Did you know that he decorates most of the cakes at the bakery? Well, at least the ones that don't require power tools. He said that Johanna does those." Prim said, watching Katniss's jaw clench when she mentioned Peet's name.

"I'm glad you had a good time, little duck." Katniss said evenly.

"Katniss, he really likes you. Why did you leave?" Prim asked.

"I don't think Peet and I should be together – I mean fake together – anymore. He needs more than I can give him." Katniss looked away from her sister.

"You're kidding. I felt that kiss all the way down to my toes. There is no way you can give up on him now." Prim gaped.

"I'm in the way of his friendships. And you heard Haymitch, I don't even deserve him. He wants to give _cookies_ to _little old ladies_ for Christmas. I can't even remotely live up to that!"

"Katniss, I have never, ever thought of you as stupid, until tonight. How can you think that this is a competition? He likes you. You should be thrilled with that. Did you see how he looked at you after that kiss? Some people never get anyone to look at them like that, ever, in their whole lives!"

"Prim, you are so young, sometimes. That was just the look of an eighteen year old boy who just kissed a girl. And what do I do about Gale? It's not fair to him to lead Peet on."

" _I'm_ young? I'll bet that was your first kiss. And what about Gale? You guys weren't a thing. Just because you always joked that the two of you would get together if neither of you found anyone doesn't mean that you will be disappointing him if it doesn't happen for the two of you. I think this is a cop out. I think you feel something for Peet and it scares you."

Katniss stared at her sister, and then flopped down on her back. "I'm not listening to this. I'm breaking up with him and then Gale and I can have a shot at something."

"I don't get you. You never wanted a relationship with Gale when he was here. But now that he's hundreds of miles away at school, you're all talk. Just promise me you won't break it off before Christmas. Peet deserves that at least."

When Katniss didn't answer, Prim reiterated, "Katniss, promise me."

Finally, a sigh came from Katniss. "Alright, little duck, I promise. But the minute that Christmas is over…"

"I can live with that." Prim said and then shut off the light.

"Love you, Katniss."

"Love you too, little duck."

Although Katniss could hear Prim slip into sleep, she stayed awake a long time, haunted by a pair of blue eyes.

-o-

"I want you to go to Tahoe." Katniss was holding the Christmas tree steady so that Peet could tighten it into the tree stand. Prim had worn Haymitch down into agreeing to put up a tree. Both Katniss and Haymitch agreed that Christmas trees were a waste of money - real trees in Southern California didn't last long because of the dryness and needles were already starting to fall. They would be lucky if the tree wasn't a dried out stick with no needles by Christmas. Katniss wondered sourly if her sister would disappear the day of tree take-down as well as tree set-up.

"What?" Peet's voice was muffled.

"Tahoe. The trip to go skiing that everyone keeps talking about. I heard that Madge and Delly and Streeter and Cato keep bugging you to go. You went last year. You should go."

"Katniss, keep holding it straight. There! I think we got it!" Peet slid out from under the tree. They stood back and eyed their handy work critically.

"It's good enough."

"No, it's crooked." Peet slid back under the tree.

"Peet, no one is going to care if it's not perfect."

"I'll know and I'll care." He said, loosening and re-tightening the tree into the stand. "There." He checked the tree one more time.

Katniss thought that Peet was going to ignore the Tahoe topic when he said, "Did it ever dawn on you that I went to Tahoe every year to get away from my Mom?"

Katniss hadn't thought about that. "But you have fun when you go, right?"

Peet got quiet as he started to unpack the lights, ignoring her question. "I just wish you were going."

"We've already talked about this. You know I help Haymitch close out the books. And I get some of my best photos taken this time of year. "

"That doesn't mean I can't wish for it." Peet looked at her the way he had under the mistletoe, his deep blue eyes triggering a yearning in her that she pushed down and ignored.

"So that means you'll go?" Katniss took the lights from Peet, circled the tree with them and passed them back to him.

"Yes. If it will make you happy, then I'll go. I'll miss you though." Katniss didn't meet his eyes: she hated when he said things like that. It made her feel guilty and horrible for not being able to return his feelings. Peet never expected her to say anything in return, which was the worst part. _I get five days, though. A whole five days to sort out why Peet makes me feel this way and what I should do about it._

-o-

Prim made Katniss buy a sparkly sweater for Christmas Eve, insisting that they should both look festive for the cookie deliveries they were going to make with Emma, Prim's best friend Rory, Peet, Madge and Streeter. Even Johanna had grudgingly agreed to come, stating "I'll drive, but don't expect more." Katniss was sure that Johanna would be hanging out in the parking lot until she saw her when the group met at Emma's. Katniss had to do a double take at Johanna's boldly decorated holiday sweater, red jeans and black boots, with a tiny Santa hat perched on her short, spiky brown hair. Madge looked like an elf in green velvet pants and a green sweater with a white faux fur color. For once, Katniss was glad Prim had made her do something girly like shop. Even Streeter, whom Katniss had never seen in anything but jeans, had on slacks and a dress shirt.

_Peet's enthusiasm must be contagious._

Prim grabbed Rory's hand and dragged him around to meet everyone while Peet organized the packing of the cookies into the Mellark's van. Emma had put one dozen assorted cookies into each bag and there were fifty bags. Peet had arranged with a nursing home in the area for the group to visit the common room and sing a few Christmas carols. After the carols, the group would pass out bags to anyone who wanted them. He had also wheedled his way into distributing cookies to patients that were room-bound but had no dietary restrictions. Peet was clearly a man on a mission. Katniss was pretty sure that he and Emma could accomplish anything they put their minds to and it frightened her a little bit, frankly. She found herself thinking on more than one occasion, _people think I'm the intense one?_

Packing done, the made it to the nursing home with only a few epithets from Johanna every time the van hit a bump. Streeter suggested that they start channeling the positive feelings of the season and insisted that they listen to holiday music, which he then proceeded to sing as loudly as he could. By the time they arrived, Katniss's face hurt from smiling so hard.

-o-

 _She is so beautiful_ , Peet thought for the thousandth time that night. Katniss, braid swinging over her shoulder and face as bright as her sweater was handing a Mellark's bag to a woman in a wheelchair. The beauty of her voice while she sang a few Christmas carols solo, accompanied on piano by Madge, had stunned him. Madge had insisted that Katniss and Prim sing a solemn and heart-aching duet of Silent Night. He noticed that several people had tears in their eyes and even Johanna's looked suspiciously wet. The group had ended with a rousing version of Jingle Bells and she and Prim had bounced on the tips of their toes like they were birds keeping time.

Many of the residents came over to thank them or just to chat and Katniss was more than generous with her time and her smiles. He appreciated that, even if none of the smiles were for him.

He thought the evening had been a rousing success. Johanna had charmed the socks off of every gentleman in the place and was even dancing to the radio with a few of them. Prim and Rory were handing out candy canes from a sack that had mysteriously appeared in the van (he was sure they were Johanna's, but she denied it). Streeter and Emma were doing rounds to the room-bound folks and handing out hugs, bags of cookies and listening to stories of Christmas's past. He was pleasantly tired and he thought his Dad would have been very proud of the event.

They all waved and hugged and said their goodbyes when it was time to go, then piled into the van. Streeter wanted more music and Emma insisted they all come in for hot cocoa, despite the mildness of the Southern California night.

"Yeah, maybe Katniss and Peet will get caught beneath the mistletoe again!" Prim laughed. She explained to the group what had occurred during their cookie baking event. Peet blushed and Katniss looked moodily out the window as the group laughed at their reactions to the mistletoe kiss.

"There's mistletoe? I'm in!" Rory laughed. He had an obvious crush on Prim and was willing to use any angle to steal a kiss.

-o-

They drank their cocoa and told stories of their favorite holidays. As each person in the group told a story, Katniss became quieter and quieter. She wanted to go home, strip off the remnants of the festivity, wash her face and lay in bed until the holiday was over. She wanted to close her eyes and forget about family, forget that she had ever wished for things like dollhouses and bicycles and had once had a family who would give them to her.

She walked to the kitchen and washed out her cup, placing it carefully in the dish drainer while the rest of the group threw marshmallows at each other behind her.

"You have a lovely voice." Emma followed her into the kitchen.

Unbidden, Katniss's eyes filled with tears. She, father and Prim sang every Christmas while their mother decorated the tree. "Thank you."

"What are you plans for tomorrow?"

"Haymitch, Prim and I hang out in pajamas most of the morning and exchange a few small gifts. After that, it's just a normal day."

"Are you going to see Peet?" Emma asked.

"We hadn't made plans specifically. I thought his brothers might be coming home and then there's his Tahoe trip." Katniss dodged the question.

Katniss thought about the gift she had made up for him – another, larger framed copy of the print of he and his Dad at the bakery. They had not specifically talked about gift exchanges. She hadn't even thought to ask him what he was doing with his day.

Emma sighed and took Katniss's wet mug out of the drainer to dry. "Look, I am not sure what's been going on with you two; you've stopped coming by the bakery the last couple of weeks. I won't pretend to know what's running through your head. I saw your faces after you kissed, though, and I am just going to say this – this isn't pretend for Peet. No matter what he has or hasn't told you, he really cares for you. So please, please do not break his heart. Not at Christmas."

It was the least chirpy thing Katniss had heard Emma say and she gaped at the older woman. Emma put the mug down and just stared at Katniss moodily, then hugged her. When she let go, her eyes were wet and she laughed at herself. "Will you look at silly old me, trying to tell you how to live your life? Like I have any sort of wisdom to share! Now, let's bring out dessert."

"Dessert? You expected us to have room for dessert after cocoa and candy canes and marshmallows?"

"Katniss, there's always room for dessert. Don't you know that is the mantra of every baker? We're a hopeful bunch. Don't forget that." Emma winked and handed her the pastry tray from the refrigerator, which the group devoured enthusiastically.

All except Katniss, whose stomach hurt for the first time in a long time.


	7. January

Katniss tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for her friend Gale and his younger brother Rory to meet up with her and Prim. The four of them were going out to make popcorn and watch movies all night. It was a New Year's Eve tradition that the foursome babysat Gale and Rory's little sister so that their mother could have a well-deserved night off. Each year the group picked a theme for their movie choices: last year it had been zombie films, this year, it was classics. Prim had chosen _Singing in the Rain_ , Katniss had picked _Casablanca_ , while the boys had picked _Rebel without a Cause_ and _War of the Worlds_.

Katniss was pretty sure that Rory's choice was a scary one so that Prim would get scared and he could finally get his arms around her. Sure enough, Rory angled for that to be the first movie as well as made sure he was next to Prim on the couch. Katniss wasn't sure whether to laugh or be concerned. She knew that Prim could handle herself, but she also knew that, if Prim wanted anything to happen, it certainly would not be in front of Katniss and Gale. Katniss shrugged mentally: she could always find an excuse or two to be in the kitchen of the small house while the two snuggled. It was the least she could do for Prim after everything Prim had heard about Peet.

Once her thoughts ran to Peet, Katniss couldn't shut them off. Ever since Christmas Eve, which was the last time she had talked to him, Katniss felt like crying whenever she thought of Peet. Tonight was no different. She thought of the wrapped present she still had to give him and all the things he could be doing in Tahoe. She thought about the way he had looked at the nursing home when they had been handing out cookies – the way his eyes had glowed, the color in his cheeks. She thought, again, of their kiss and the way his lips had been so soft as they clung to hers.

The movie started and she heard Rory and Prim giggling. She wanted to squirm or cry or do something like pinch them. _Cool it, Katniss. Let Prim be happy._

Katniss could finally stand it no more and went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea. Tea. Even that reminded her of Peet. She stood at the stove, waiting for water in the old kettle to boil when she heard someone behind her.

"Hey, Catnip." Gale's nickname for her made her smile despite her maudlin thoughts.

"Hey. Good to have you back." Katniss turned to face him and smiled in relief: it was good to have him back. She felt comfortable and grounded with him around, safe in a way that she wasn't around Peet. Gale looked older and more mature than when she had last seen him, handsome in a way that he hadn't in high school. Still, he didn't make her heart race.

"Heard you started dating Baker Boy Mellark."

Katniss rolled her eyes mentally at the nickname. _How has Peet put up with this most of his life without punching someone?_ "Who said that?"

Gale shrugged. "Prim talks to Rory, Rory talks to me." He shoved his hands in the pockets of his black jeans. "You happy?"

Katniss shrugged and looked down. Was she happy? She thought about Peet all the time. Was that the same as happy? She frowned.

Gale walked over to her. He tipped her face up toward his and searched her eyes, then dropped his eyes to her lips. "You know, Catnip, I always thought it would be you and me."

Katniss's tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth and she was transfixed by his eyes. She nodded mutely.

Gale leaned closer. "You thought that too? That we would get together?" He sighed, his breath fluttering against her lips. "I missed you."

It was no more than a whisper and then his lips were on hers. His lips were slightly chapped and tasted of orange Starburst candy. Katniss thought she could see the little bursts of light behind her eyelids. She pulled him closer by his belt loops, holding onto his hips while he deepened the kiss. He smelled of leather and he slid his hands into her braid, holding her against his mouth.

There was no cookie scent, no softness, no gentle exploration, just the hard planes of his body against hers. She reveled in it. She did not need those things.

The tea kettle whistled and they flew apart just in time for Katniss to notice Prim standing in the doorway with her mouth open.

"What are you looking at?" Katniss was gruff with her sister.

Prim's jaw snapped shut audibly. "Nothing. I just thought I would come get more popcorn." Katniss handed her the bowl without another word.

-o-

"Are you going to tell Peet?" Prim asked the next morning. Her voice was chirpy and inquisitive. It made Katniss, who had woken up with a raging headache, want to scream.

"Tell him what?" Katniss munched on her raisin bran.

"You know what - you and Gale kissed!"

Katniss looked at her sister over her spoon of cereal. "I am not discussing this." She enunciated each word in time to the pounding in her head.

"You can't pretend it didn't happen. He is going to find out somehow." Prim continued to badger her.

"Not if you keep your big mouth shut, he won't."

Prim gaped at her. "Katniss, you are the worst liar ever. You can't seriously think you can pretend it didn't happen! What happens when it happens again? Gale's not going to back off now."

Katniss put her spoon down in the bowl with a clinking noise that caused her to wince. "You're an expert on guys now? You don't know how either of them will react."

Prim cut her off on the way to the sink. "You seriously don't know the effect you can have. I saw them with you. Peet looks like the sun rises and sets in your eyes and Gale looks like he will devour you whole. If you think either of them is going to back off, you're deaf, dumb and blind."

Her appetite gone and stomach aching, Katniss strode angrily by her sister and dropped her bowl in the sink.

-o-

"How was Tahoe?" Katniss licked the crumbs from her double chocolate muffin off of her fingers. Her stomach had been hurting for a straight week. She had finally decided that, if it was going to hurt all the time, she might as well learn to enjoy herself anyway.

Katniss and Peet sat on the beach in front of his house eating breakfast. It was still chilly for Southern California, so they both had jeans and sweatshirts on with their flip flops. Peet sat facing forwarding, picking at his pumpkin muffin and not meeting her eyes. He mumbled something as an answer.

"What was that?" Katniss asked again.

"It was fun. You didn't miss much." Peet mumbled again.

She sent him a look. "Peet, you're being weird. I'm glad you had a good time."

Peet was silent for a minute. Peet sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Katniss, there's something I need to tell you, before you hear it from someone else."

Katniss folded her legs up to her chin and wrapped her arms around them. The ache in her stomach, which had quieted down briefly, was suddenly back full-force. She rocked he knees closer so she could hide her face.

Peet cleared his throat. "Delly threw a New Year's party at the cabin where we all stayed. I got pretty drunk. At least, I think I did – I don't remember a lot of it. I'm…not sure what happened. When I woke up I was in bed. But I wasn't alone." Peet's face was red. He took a deep breath, as if to continue.

"Stop." Katniss said. She lifted her head from her legs. "Just tell me - Who was it?"

"Delly." Peet's face got even redder.

"Delly." Katniss repeated, the image of Delly's hand lingering on Peet's chest materializing in her mind. Delly, of the flowing blonde hair, big blue eyes, and curves in all the right places. Delly, who was wealthy, just like Peet. Who probably had a great college lined up. Who had a future that wasn't fixing cars. She thought that she should be happy for him: he had found a girl who deserved him.

Katniss's stomach felt like it was on fire, but her eyes were dry when she turned to Peet. "Well, I'm glad you had a good time. I did too. You remember my friend Gale? He was in the same class as Rye. He came home for a visit." Her voice was chirpy and sharp as ice chips, so sharp that it hurt to say the words.

Peet looked suddenly unsure. "Oh? Yeah, I think I remember him. You guys always seemed close. Did you guys hang out?"

Katniss was sure that she heard dark and possessive in Peet's words, but he had no right to feel that way. It was better for them both if they made a clean break of it.

She met his eyes with a hard look. "Yeah, you could say that." And then she refused to look away until his frown turned to alarm as he registered exactly what she was telling him.

When Katniss was sure he understood, she calmly got to her feet, brushed off her jeans, and slid her feet into her flip flops. She felt a million years old, but she reached down slowly and grabbed her backpack.

"See you around, Peet." She twisted the strap on her backpack and walked away. She blinked once, then again, just to make sure her eyes remained dry if he came after her.

-o-

Streeter sat down at Madge and Katniss's table and popped a piece of dried seaweed in his mouth.

Madge made a face. "How can you eat that stuff?"

Streeter sized Madge up from her well-coiffed hair to her perfectly manicured toes. "You eat sushi, right?"

"Of course." Madge answered.

"It's just like that, only without the karmic baggage of eating an animal soul." Streeter met Madge's eyes as he munched his salty snack. Madge finally wrinkled her nose at him and left the table.

Katniss looked at Streeter. "Are you here to give me a hard time because of Peet?" She asked as she played with her lunch.

Whenever she and Peet passed in the hallways, he refused to meet her eyes. His shoulders were slumped every time she looked at him, his eyes vacant. Even when he was with his friends, his usual sunny disposition was dim. Katniss assumed that was why Streeter was paying her a visit. _It's not my fault, Streeter. Why don't you go ask him about Delly?_ She could not understand why he did not pursue a relationship with the gorgeous blonde and was instead acting heartbroken over her.

"Nah. You scare me. Plus, Peet's able to take care of himself. When the two of you get back in cosmic alignment, you'll have your chance together. You're not eating?" He motioned to her sandwich, torn into pieces.

"Cosmic alignment? What does that even mean?" she looked at him angrily. "I'm not eating because I'm not hungry. I would offer it to you -you look like you could eat more than seaweed – but I've touched every last bit of it. Also, I'm pretty sure that my peanut butter might contain bits of animal soul." The fight suddenly went out of her and she looked down at the table.

He shrugged and crunched another piece of seaweed. "S'alright. I came to ask about the pictures – the dolphin pictures. Do you still have them?"

"That was months ago!" Katniss was shocked that he had remembered.

Streeter brushed his fingers off on his well-worn jeans. He pointed to his temple, "I've got a totally organic brain. Can you email them to me? I would love to take a look."

"I guess."

"K." Streeter stood up. "Katniss, you know you need a minimum number of calories to promote healthy brain function, right? I read your horoscope and you're going to need all the strength you can get." He was looking down at her lunch.

"Streeter, you are so weird! Thanks for the reminder." Katniss said sarcastically. She stood up, threw out the remains of her lunch and left Streeter thoughtfully crunching on his seaweed.

-o-

"Madge, I don't want to do this." Katniss looked at Madge as if she were going to torture here.

Madge assessed her friend. "You need something to shake you out of your funk I need a distraction. Ergo, this is the perfect solution."

"A makeover is never the perfect solution." Katniss stared at the makeup on the counter like it was going to bite her.

Madge laughed. "It is when you're me." She sat Katniss down in a comfortable chair. "I invited Cinna over as well. He's going to go to NYU for theater and has a great sense of style."

"That guy who always wears black? With the eyeliner?"

"Yes. You're going to look fabulous." Madge clapped her hands.

Cinna walked in and talked to Madge quietly for a moment, then walked over to Katniss.

"Hi, Katniss. It's really nice to meet you." His dark eyes assessed her.

"If you're here to make me beautiful, you're wasting your time." Katniss stared at herself in the mirror.

Cinna looked over her head at Madge and winked. "I'm not here to make you beautiful. Anyone can be beautiful. I'm here to make you stunning – the best version of yourself."

Katniss gaped at him. "You're pretty confident."

Cinna looked at her. "Of course. It's the only way to be. Now, how attached are you to the braid?"

Three hours later, Katniss's hair was trimmed. She had been plucked and poked and had her skin treated. Her makeup was artfully applied and she was wearing a dress of Madge's. The girl who stared back from the mirror looked nothing like the Katniss in jeans and an Old Navy shirt who had walked through Madge's door.

Madge sighed and clasped her hands. "Cinna, you've done it again. Katniss, turn for me again?"

Katniss turned, feeling the dress float around her knees. She felt beautiful. _I wish Peet could see me like this._ The minute the thought gelled in her head she squashed it. _Peet has nothing to do with me. I should be thinking of Gale._ Except when she thought of Gale seeing her like this, she pictured him laughing. He would tell her that dresses weren't her style and then he would tug on her braid.

She looked down at her toe, pedicured and decorated with tiny little flowers. Her vision got a little blurry and she blinked tears away. She resorted to repeating her daily mantra: _it's better this way, it's better this way._

"Guys, thank you. I think I should go." She looked up to see a concerned look on Madge's face.

"Katniss, are you ok?" Madge asked.

She cleared her throat. "Yeah, I will be. Can you help me out of this?"

She got dressed silently, throwing her hair over her shoulder and not even bothering to put it in a ponytail or braid. She just wanted to go home and cry.

-o-

"Where's Prim?" Katniss flew into the room and asked Haymitch. He was sitting in his recliner, amber liquid reflecting the light of the single lit lamp in the living room.

Prim wasn't in the house and it was late – well past dark. Katniss hadn't been keeping an eye on her because of Peet the last few months. She knew she had been neglecting her duties as a big sister and she vowed that would stop right away.

"Hello to you too, sweetheart. I don't know. She's been staying out later for a couple of months. She's probably with that Hawthorne kid. Are you wearing makeup?

Katniss glared at Haymitch, ignoring his last question. "Come on, Haymitch. You really don't know where she is?"

"It wasn't my day to watch her! She's sixteen now, sweetheart. Don't you think she can stay out until nine o'clock without a chaperone?" Haymitch glared back at Katniss.

"Someone needs to be concerned about her." Katniss turned to retrieve her cell phone from the bedroom.

"Katniss, she's not a child anymore. She can take care of herself." Haymitch's voice followed her into the bedroom.

Katniss ignored him and dialed Prim's number, tapping her foot impatiently. It went straight to voicemail.


	8. February

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: This chapter references underage sex, strong language and a semi-graphic dream sequence.)

Madge and Katniss sat eating at their usual lunch table. Neither was speaking: Madge was wrapped up in her green detox smoothie, while Katniss picked apart the crust of her cheese sandwich, wishing it were a cheese panini from Mellark's.

"Hey Katniss. Madge." Streeter sat down at their table holding a bunch of kale.

"Streeter, what is that?" Katniss asked. She pointed with distaste at the greens as he took a hearty bite.

Streeter finished chewing. "It's kale; very high in B vitamins. Madge, is that a detox smoothie with spirulina? That's righteous!"

Madge looked at it with revulsion. "Yeah. It's supposed to help me lose weight before Valentine's Day."

Streeter, who had been smiling like he approved, suddenly frowned. "Lose weight? What for? You're gorgeous!" Madge smiled at him shyly.

Katniss interrupted, "I hate to interrupt this organic food love fest, but you're both making me queasy. Streeter, did you want something?"

Streeter took another bite of kale and chewed thoughtfully.

"Yeah. I wanted to tell you that I sent your picture to my Dad."

"My what?" Katniss looked at him blankly.

"The picture of Peet surfing with the dolphin? Remember it? I sent it to my Dad."

Katniss stared at him like he was insane. "Why would you do that?"

Madge cut in, "Katniss, do you know who Streeter's Dad is?" When Katniss shook her head, Madge said, "Rob Streetman." Katniss shook her head again. "Rob Streetman is a world class surfer and surf photographer."

Katniss's face blanched. "He's a what?"

Streeter said joyfully, "He's a surfer. He takes pictures sometimes, but I am pretty sure that is just to pay some bills when my Mom bitches. She's a heart surgeon and she gets mad when he doesn't pull his weight."

"And you gave him my picture?" Katniss said, clearly shocked.

"I wanted him to see it. I told him that you're an aspiring surf photographer who caught this amazing picture showing the partnership of kindred ocean spirits in the ethos."

"Streeter, I still have no idea what you are talking about." Katniss shook her head.

Streeter looked at her like he was dealing with a child. "I liked it. I sent it to him because I thought he would like it too."

Katniss got defensive. "He wouldn't steal it as his own work or anything, would he?"

Streeter looked offended. "That is such bad karma! Why would you say that?"

"Because no one does something nice for no reason." Katniss's brow furrowed with concern.

Streeter stood up. "You really need to put yourself out there more, Katniss. The universe will give you back whatever you give it. If you are always this distrustful, you're not open to the wonder that is out there." To Madge he turned and said, "You shouldn't do a detox if you just want to lose weight. Detox is about cleansing and purifying your mind and body in preparation for something epic."

Katniss just looked at Madge after he was gone. "What exactly just happened?"

Madge laughed. "I'm not sure, but Streeter called me gorgeous!"

-o-

Gym class was stupid. _Who has gym class in February of their senior year?_ Still, Katniss was happy for the opportunity to take some frustration out on her classmates and gym was the perfect outlet. Never mind that both Streeter and Peet were in her class, she could ignore them both and just let go of everything: Prim's late nights, the dolphin picture, the lack of contact from Gale, her lingering hurt over Peet. She sent him glances periodically. Whenever he caught her staring, their eyes would catch and she would look away.

Class was over and Katniss was putting away equipment when she heard Cato call to her, "Hey, Katniss, your sister tell you what I did to her last week? She sure is a sweet little piece."

Katniss turned to look at Cato. Unconsciously, Peet came to stand next to her. "What?" Katniss said.

"Your sister. We've been getting to know each other. Surely she's told you?"

To Peet he said, "The bet was who would bag an Everdeen first. You should have picked the easier sister. She's like piece of cherry pie: tart and swee…"

In a flash Katniss had him up against the wall, her arm across his throat choking him. Her voice when it came out was a growl. "Take it back. It's not true. Take it back."

Streeter was the first to try to pull her off. "Come on, Katniss. He's not worth it."

"Take it back." Katniss was insistent, her eyes boring into his.

Peet joined in the effort to pull Katniss off Cato as their gym teacher approached the trio.

"What is going on here?" Mr. Bruno said.

Katniss ignored everyone but Cato. She felt like she couldn't catch her breath. "Take it back."

Cato stared directly at her. "No. It's the truth. I bet she didn't tell you about it because she wanted me all to herself." He licked his lips.

Peet and Streeter were barely able to hold her back as Katniss struggled trying to go after him again.

"Cato, you get yourself to the locker room. Now. Ms. Everdeen, I believe you and I will talk this over in detention." When Peet tried to argue on Katniss's behalf, Mr. Bruno looked at him pointedly, "Mr. Mellark, would you like to spend some quality time in detention with us?"

-o-

Katniss walked her bike home, even though it had started to rain and riding would make the trip faster. She needed time to think. What was she going to say to Prim? How would she bring up the allegations Cato had made without hurting her feelings or pissing her off? _It can't be true._ Prim would never have taken such a big step without telling her. And definitely not with Cato. _Right?_

Katniss imagined walking into the front door of the house and greeting her sister. She would tell her about gym class and Prim would look at her like she was dumb or insane or both. The two girls would burst into laughter. Prim would hug her and they would make hot cocoa and curl up to watch _Footloose_ and _Bring it On._ They would talk about Rory and Gale, make plans for Spring break and decide if Prim would volunteer this summer at Helen Woodward Animal Center. Even talking about Peet would be fine with Katniss, as long as it meant that Cato was a liar and her little sister was safe.

 _What if Cato made her do something she didn't want to do?_ A darker possibility made Katniss pick up her pace. He was enough of a liar and a scumbag to do something like that, even to a 16 year old. Especially to a 16 year old named Everdeen. _Would Cato really do that?_ She hadn't heard any rumors of the sort. Still, it did not mean that he was above behaving that way. _It can't be that,_ she wished fervently. Katniss could handle almost anything except the idea of something like that happened to Prim. To see the light go out of her sister's eyes because someone had brutalized her, she just could not survive that.

Finally she arrived home. She put her bike away slowly, then reached for the door handle. Peet opened the door before she actually touched it. Katniss tried to read his face, but it appeared blank. It was like the door was swinging open in slow motion. She still had her eyes on his face, as the door opened wider and wider, finally wide enough so she could see Prim on the couch with her knees curled up to her chest, tears on her face.

Katniss was in the room like a shot. "Did he hurt you? If he hurt you, I will kill him."

"Katniss…" Peet tried to cut in.

"Shut up, Peet. This is between Prim and I. Why are you here anyway?" He recoiled like he had been slapped, but he stood his ground anyway.

"I'm trying to help. I thought Prim might want support." Peeta walked back over to the couch and sat next to Prim.

 _Prim? Peet is here for Prim? What the hell is going on?_ Katniss glared at her sister. "Prim? What is going on?"

Prim rocked back and forth. "I didn't think you would find out this way."

Katniss closed her eyes and spoke slowly. "Did. He. Hurt. You?"

"No." Katniss sighed in relief as Prim took the tissue that Peet offered. "Actually, he was kinda sweet."

Katniss opened her eyes _,_ "What?"

Prim twisted the tissue, watching Katniss. "He was sweet when we were together."

"Who was sweet?" Katniss was trying hard to piece together what she was hearing.

"Cato." Prim answered.

Peet chimed in, "Prim, why don't you start from the beginning?" He smiled reassuringly at Prim. Katniss glared at him.

"OK. But Katniss, you have to promise to let me get through the whole story." Prim looked at her expectantly until Katniss nodded.

Prim took another tissue and blew her nose, obviously taking time to gather her thoughts. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and said, "It all started because Rory wouldn't sleep with me. We talked about it – we've liked each other forever – but he kept saying that he respected me too much. He didn't want to hurt me. He wanted to wait. There were like a million excuses. I assumed it was just that he didn't want someone inexperienced. He wouldn't even let me touch him, and I was curious. I heard that Cato has this bet going… and he is an upperclassman and easy on the eyes. I hung out by his locker one day and it was pretty easy to reel him in." Prim stopped talked.

Katniss said quietly, "So you slept with him?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"Katniss, don't be mad…"

"I asked when?" Katniss repeated herself, the ache in her stomach blossoming like a flower.

Prim's shoulders slumped. "After New Year's. We've been seeing each other for a few weeks. I just told him I wanted to end it because I still have feelings for Rory."

"You've done this more than once? Are you crazy? What about birth control?"

"Katniss, I'm not stupid. I started on the Pill in November and he wore a condom. It actually helped with the lubricat…."

Katniss made it to the bathroom just in time for her lunch to make reappear. She leaned her head on her hands and pictured Prim as a little girl: duck tail of her shirt hanging during the first day of school, showing Katniss how to plant a something that first year after Mom and Dad were gone, laughing at old cartoons, reading _Goodnight, Moon_ before bed and giggling beneath a fort made of pink sheets. It was like everything she knew to be true about her sister exploded right behind her eyelids, leaving nothing behind but an afterimage.

 _How could Prim have kept this from her? How could Prim have made a decision like this and not talked to her? If she was on the Pill then Haymitch knew about it. How could everyone know about this but her?_ Katniss felt the tears start to fall. Her stomach felt like it was on fire.

A shadow fell across the door. Katniss did not bother to look up. "Go away." She heard water running and a cool washcloth was pushed into her hands. "I said, go away."

"No." Peet's voice was insistent. "I'm not leaving until I know that you are both okay."

Katniss laughed - a strangled sound. "I don't think I am going to be ok for a while. Why are you here?"

"I saw your face in gym and knew you wouldn't be home right after school. I figured I would see if Prim was ok. I thought maybe Cato had…well…maybe he had hurt her."

 _So Peet thought the same thing I did._ "I guess not." Katniss said. She wiped her eyes and face with the cloth, then looked at Peet. She thought she saw pity in them.

Peet poured water into a glass and handed it to Katniss, who washed her mouth out. She set it down on the sink with a clinking sound that sounded too loud in the small room. Without turning to him, she said, "I think you should leave. Thank you for coming, and I appreciate the concern, but I don't need it." Her voice sounded sharp, as if it could cut through flesh.

"Katniss, I…"

"No, Peet, please go. My sister and I have a lot to talk about." Katniss could almost hear him put his hands in his pockets. She could picture his slumped posture.

-o-

He sighed deeply. "Ok. I get it. We're still not friends." He paused. "Katniss, it could have been a lot worse: Prim is fine. She was going to have sex at some point. Maybe this is an opportunity to see her as an adult." He trailed off clearly expecting a fight. When she still said nothing, she heard him walk away. Katniss heard him say goodbye to Prim and then the sound of the door shutting.

Later that night, Prim asked, "Are you mad?"

Katniss rolled away from her sister in the dark of their bedroom. "I'm trying to understand."

"I thought it would be easy for you to get it," Prim said. "When you have an ideal boy that you like, it's hard when they notice you. You're afraid to make a move. You've spent so long liking them and watching them from afar that the fear of screwing it up means you barely touch him. What if it doesn't meet your imaginings, you wonder. What if you can't live up to whatever he has in his head? You spend so long fearing that you'll screw it up that you look for a real connection to someone that doesn't hold the same meaning."

Katniss thought for a few minutes, trying to follow Prim's logic. "Why would I understand that?"

"Because of Peet – he's your ideal boy."

"No, he's not." Katniss punched her pillow.

"Katniss, come on. I'm your sister. You've been watching him since you guys were twelve. Don't try to deny it."

"It's useless to argue about this." Katniss punched her pillow again. "What makes you think I would understand the rest of it?"

"Because of Gale. You are using Gale as your release valve. Gale is your Cato." Prim said sadly.

Katniss stared at the wall in the darkened room. "Prim, that is enough. We are through discussing this."

Three in the morning found Katniss curled up in the backyard staring up at the sky. She had woken from a horrible nightmare where she chased endlessly after a young Prim, blonde braids flying. A blinding light had separated them for good only to spotlight an older Prim, Peeta, and Haymitch trying to coax her across an impossible chasm. She had been unable to return to sleep despite the quiet reassurance of Prim's even breathing coming the bed next to her.

She cupped her hands around her teacup, breathing the steam in deeply. It smelled like Peet. The smell calmed her as she watched a new day dawn.

-o-

Katniss stopped by the bakery on Valentine's Day. She told herself that it had nothing to do with seeing Peet, that she just wanted a cheese and tomato panini for lunch because she hadn't had one in months. When the door tinkled behind her she felt her stomach clench, whether in anticipation on fear she could not tell. She needn't have worried: Johanna explained that Peet was not working as she made Katniss's sandwich. She explained that he and Streeter had left earlier that day.

"Came to apologize to him, did you?" Johanna handed Katniss a Mellark's bag and her change.

Katniss met Johanna's eyes and said the first thing that came to mind. "No."

Johanna cocked an eyebrow. "Oh? Then you came by because…"

"It was convenient. And your panini are the best." Katniss looked away and Johanna laughed.

"Look, Katniss, I like you. Emma likes you. It's obvious Peet is still over the moon about you. You're just a little too prickly to do this the easy way, though, so I am going to help you out. He and Streeter are working on some project at his house. You should go over there and fight out whatever it is that needs to be said. I think the two of you could drop the fake relationship act – no one who is in a fake relationship shows this much hurt over a break up – and get down to something real."

Katniss did not say anything. She just took the Mellark's bag and turned to leave. When she reached the door, Johanna couldn't resist adding, "Think of the make-up sex. Oh, and don't hurt him again."

Katniss ignored Johanna advice and went through all of the motions of a normal Saturday: work, home, dinner, laundry, shower, bed. Haymitch was snoring on the couch, Prim was out with Rory. She lay in bed looking up at the ceiling and thought back to what Prim had said the night Katniss's world had exploded. Prim, her sister who now had more experience than she did; the same sister who now felt like a stranger to her.

Katniss had not heard from Gale since he left to return to school. If she was honest with herself, she did not lament the lack of contact. She knew that was odd because dating someone should mean you wanted to be with them or talk to them and she just did not see that sort of effort coming from her side or from Gale's. So where did that leave them? Katniss wasn't sure. She missed him, sort of. She didn't miss him the way she sometimes still longed for Peet. Even the kiss with Gale did not haunt her in the way Peet's had. Gale's lips had been possessive and self-assured, but Peet's had held a gentle promise, a steadiness that was so sweet in retrospect that it made her heart hurt even now to think of it.

 _It's Valentine's day._ She punched her pillow. It was going to be a long night.

-o-

_Katniss was lying on the beach. She could feel sand between her toes, smell the salt of the water and the coconut scent of sunscreen. The sun behind her eyelid was bright orange, and her body had the lethargy that only spending time outdoors brings. She felt a warm hand on her stomach, thumb resting just at her belly button. The hand moved, stroking upward and resting just below the top of her bikini, thumb brushing underneath the swell of her breast. She opened her eyes, meeting Peet's gaze. His face had a look she had never seen on it before; the sheen of sweat covered his face, his blue eyes darker than she remembered, lips were very close to hers. She could feel her own heart beating quickly and dropped her eyes to his lips. Taking the hint, he closed the distance._

_Their mouths met. The kiss was warm and wet and tasted of sugar and butter. She pulled his head down more fully to hers, tangling her hands in his hair and opening her mouth to his. When he moved his hand from below her breast to her side, she growled, wanting his hand on her more fully. He broke the kiss, breathing hard. She tugged his hand from her side, closed her eyes and trailed it up to her breast with a satisfied sigh. She heard him ask as if from very far away, "Katniss, is this real or not real?"_

Katniss woke with a start, taking great gulps of cool air. _Damn Johanna and her make-up sex._

"Katniss, are you ok?" Prim's voice came out of the dark.

Katniss closed her eyes. Was she alright? She could still smell his skin and feel the stubble on his face. It made her want to weep. "I'm fine. How was your date with Rory?"

Prim giggled and it sounded so much like the old Prim, the Prim from _before_ that Katniss wanted to hug her. "It was nice."

"Did..anything…happen?"

Prim sighed in the darkness. "Katniss, I'm not a nymphomaniac. It was a nice night. We kissed a little and that was all."

Katniss did not know what to say, so the two fell into silence. Prim spoke again. "You know, you should try it."

"Try what?"

"Sex. Haymitch is always joking about how you need to lighten up. He's right: you do. You have this pent up energy and frustration inside you. If you just let that out…"

"You think sex is the answer because it's all you've been thinking about."

"No, Katniss. Having it and knowing what it's about actually stopped me from thinking about it. I'm not always wondering and thinking about if he's interested in it or if I'm a freak for being interested in it myself, or if it will hurt, or if I'll do it right. Now, I can just be myself."

Katniss said angrily, "I don't even know who you are anymore."

"I'm serious, Katniss. You should consider it. If you weren't always so concerned with how many ways things could go wrong, and just let yourself go a little, I bet you would see a whole new side of things. Besides, I bet Peet would play along, unlike Rory." Prim said. When Katniss was quiet, she added, "Don't tell me that you've never thought of him that way."

Katniss could feel her face heat up again at the memory of the dream. "I'm not discussing this."

"He's cute, Katniss. And he would bark like a dog if you asked him to. Besides, if it's not you, it's going to be some other girl."

Katniss said emphatically, "Good night, Prim." And yet, Prim's words echoed Streeter's from earlier in the month. _Maybe I am a little jaded when it comes to people. Maybe I don't open up a lot. Maybe I think everyone is going to hurt me._

 _Maybe I should shut up and go to sleep._ But the memory of the dream kept Katniss away for a long time.


	9. March

Chapter 9: March

Katniss heard footsteps coming into the repair bays. She swallowed her annoyance – could whomever it was not read the signs posted about restricted access? She rolled out from under the car she was servicing and said, "I'm sorry, but this area is restricted to employees only…."

She stopped when she saw it was Peet. He was wearing a blue Mellark's t-shirt and jeans. His blonde hair was gleaming, he wore a sheepish half-smile and he was holding a Mellark's bag. She drank in the sight of him like water after a drought, then looked down at herself in her baggy jumpsuit that probably smelled like oil.

Peet rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "I brought something for you."

Katniss looked at the bag. "What's the catch?"

Peet stammered, "I, well, I thought we could go sit outside and talk." When she didn't answer, he let the bag drop to his side. "I thought if I stopped acting so hurt, maybe we could be friends." His shoulders slumped when there was still no answer. "OK. Well, I'll go. I'll leave the bag here: no strings attached." He turned to go.

Katniss stared at the bag. "Peet, wait. I'm just…wait. Let me wash up. I'll meet you outside."

-o-

Thirty minutes later, Katniss patted her stomach. "Oh my God, that was so good. What was that?"

Peet licked a crumb off of his finger. "Test recipe – basically a white version of our seven layer bar."

"I don't even know what that is, but it's amazing." Katniss laughed.

Peet's gut tightened. He had missed the sound of her laughter. "This is shortbread crumbs and butter to make a crust, then I layered it with toffee, almonds, white chips and the whole thing is held together with sweetened condensed milk. We do a chocolate version that has a graham crust and chocolate, nuts and coconut. I thought this would be different."

"Peet, you are a genius."

Peet laughed. "Thanks. I bet Joahnna likes it. She goes crazy for toffee."

They sat in silence for a minute. Katniss twirled a piece of grass. "Did you mean what you said? About being friends?"

"Yeah." Peet looked at her. He swore she was thinner than she had been in December. All he wanted to do was hug her and tell her it was going to be ok. If she would meet him halfway…

Katniss looked back at the piece of grass. "You have so many friends. Why do you need one more?"

Peet knew he had to get this right. "Katniss, do you really think you're like my other friends? You're real in a way they're not. Even when we were fake dating, you were more real than fake. I told you once that you're the bravest person I know. That's still true."

She quietly asked. "Do you miss it? Our fake dating?"

"I miss spending time with you, yes." Peet congratulated himself on a cool and calm recovery.

She nodded, as if having a conversation with herself. "It's a deal, then. We're friends." Katniss brushed off her hands and held one out. "Shake on it, Mellark?"

-o-

A freak storm rolled through Southern California the last Saturday in March. Prim stayed in, Haymitch got drunk and the three of them watch old action movies and ate popcorn: it was almost like old times. Katniss was restless because she had not been able to leave the house all day. Even thought she was pleasantly tired, she vowed that the next day she would get out of the house no matter what.

"Katniss?" Prim said quietly in the dark.

"Yeah?" Katniss said, yawning and listening to the rain pound the roof.

"Thanks for today. I know things have been weird between us. I love you, though."

"I love you too, little duck. Now let's go to sleep."

_Katniss was running through the rain. She was not sure where she was going, only that she needed to keep running. She was cold and could feel the rain running down her t-shirt, soaking her shorts. Her braid slapped her back heavily and the water in her eyes made it difficult to see. She could feel the breath hitch in her lungs, the burn of the exertion in her side. She was beginning to panic. Indeed, she could feel the bubble of futility building inside her – why couldn't she get to where she needed to be? Where did she need to be?_

_Suddenly, saw Peet in the distance. She knew that she needed to be there, with him. No matter how fast she ran, it seemed like she could not catch up to him and she began to cry, her tears mingling with the rain streaking her cheeks. She stopped running and just stood in the rain, listening to it hitting the ground, letting it hit her skin. She raised her face to the sky and let it wash away her tears. Her pulse quieted, her breath returned._

_She felt wet, warm arms wrap around her and opened her eyes to a familiar blue Mellark's t-shirt. The shirt was plastered to Peet's chest, defining the muscles in his chest and arms. His eyelashes were spiky, his hair plastered to his head. He leaned his forehead against hers so that water washed over them both. He said her name quietly, reverently. She tugged his head to hers and their lips clung. The water sluiced around them, melding them together until it was impossible to tell where one stopped and the other started._

_His hands streaked under her shirt, pulling it away from her body, giving her goose bumps. She responded by arching into his hands and letting hers roam the plane of his back, skimming underneath his shirt. The smell of his skin replaced that of damp earth around her as she reveled in the smoothness of his skin._

_He broke the kiss, breathing heavily. "Katniss, is this real or not real?"_

She woke up with the word "real" on her lips and a deep sense of loss clinging to her. She curled into a ball hugging her pillow, wishing it were a warm, blonde haired boy with eyes the color of a stormy sea. She listened to the rain hit the roof for a long time afterward.

The next day proved frustrating: Katniss left the house before sunrise, hoping for some good shots. The rain had lightened to a drizzle and she made good time getting to the beach, noticing the choppy waves and scoping out some surf hitting rocks. She carefully scrambled on the slick rocks, looking for just the right balance or contrast, thinking that, if only light would improve, she could finally get some really good stuff. She cursed the fact that there were no animals out and the poorly lit landscapes would show weakly at best.

Katniss was getting ready to pack it up and go home when the skies darkened and opened up in a downpour. She was standing by the 13th street cliffs, trying to decide on an angle for a rock photo when suddenly she could barely see in front of her. She quickly shielded her camera with her sweater and then stowed it safely into her backpack. _Now what?_ _It's too far to go back to the house._ She made a quick decision and bolted for Peet's house.

Peet woke to the sound of tapping on the sliding doors. At first he thought it was just the rain, but he realized that the sound was too insistent for it to be part of the weather. He sat up on the couch where he slept most nights, ran his hands through his spiky, sleep mussed hair and grabbed his shirt. He slid it over his head as he tried to make out who the soaking wet shadow at the door was.

"Katniss?" He slide the door open and hurried her inside. "You're soaked. Let me go get you a towel."

Peet came back from further inside the dark house and handed her a towel. "You should take off that wet stuff. Take off your shoes and socks and leave them with your backpack by the back door. I'll go get you a change of clothes and put it in the bathroom down here so you can change."

He frowned and grabbed her hands as she continued to stare at him. "You're cold. Let me help you." He grabbed the towel and started to dry her hair.

 _Peet sleeps without a shirt._ Katniss kept picturing him walking toward the sliding door, arms raised over his head as he slid his shirt on. It was better than her dream. She swallowed audibly. When he took her hands, they were warm and when he took the towel and started drying her off roughly, she just stood there, dumbfounded.

She let him lead her to the downstairs bathroom. She heard him instruct her change her clothes and he would make her some least, she thought that was what he said. She just kept picturing his spiky hair, muscular chest and shoulders.

She pulled on the clothes he had left for her. They smelled like him – like flour and sugar and warmth. The shirt was a well-worn Mellark's t-shirt shirt that had seen better days and the pants were gray sweatpants that dwarfed her small frame. She ended up rolling the pants up and tying the drawstrings as tightly as she dared. Still, the shirt tried to slip off of one shoulder. She grimaced at herself in the mirror when she saw her reflection.

-o-

"You want to tell me what you were thinking, Everdeen?" Peet handed her a cup of tea after taking her clothes and putting them in the dryer. He wanted to be angry at her, but she was just too adorable in his clothes. She had taken her hair out of its braid and toweled it off, so he was having a hard time keeping his hands from tangling in it, just to see how it would feel.

She stared at the tea, watching the steam rise, quietly blowing across the surface.

He surveyed her carefully. "Katniss, are you ok? Did something happen? You haven't said two words since you got here and you're really scaring me."

She took a sip of tea and closed her eyes. "I'm ok."

"You don't seem ok." His brow furrowed.

"I was cooped up all day yesterday and just couldn't stand it. I thought the weather was clearing. You know how So. Cal. Rain is – it never lasts long." She gave him a halfhearted smile.

"The news said this is a winter storm – I think you just caught the eye of it. It's supposed to rain all day."

"Oh." Her smile slipped. "Well, I'm sorry I woke you."

He laughed shakily and ran a finger through his spiky hair. "I'm not. I still have nightmares."

"I didn't get much sleep last night either." The way she said it without looking at him made him wonder what had kept her awake.

Peet looked out the back door at the gray and wet skies. "Ok, let's do this: let's rest on the couch for a little bit. We can have breakfast and then I can drop you off when I head to the bakery for my shift. Sound like a plan?"

Katniss nodded and took a seat on the couch, sipping her tea. He silently offered her a blanket. _Do I risk it?_ he thought. In the end, he sighed and held out his arms to her. She went into them without a word and snuggled into his side. They sat quietly and listened to the rain.

Katniss laughed a little under her breath. "Good thing for me that you were asleep on the couch."

"I still sleep here almost every night."

"Why? Do you watch late night TV or something?" Katniss looked up at him.

Peet shifted uncomfortably. "I like being close to a door. In case she comes in the front, I can make it out the back. I even keep a gym bag out there with a change of clothes and some other necessities. I should probably bring it in so they can dry." He looked down at her and smiled, hoping she did not think he was too pathetic. When she smiled back and reached around him to hug him, he pulled her in tighter.

Peet knew he was dreaming: he had to be in order to feel hands drawing circles on his skin or warm breath hitting he underside of his jaw. Likewise, he felt warm skin under his own hands. He flexed his fingers and gripped more tightly, drawing the warm body towards his and refusing to let go. That was when he realized that he was awake, that the body he had just pressed tightly against his own was Katniss's, that they had their hands on each other's bare skin and that he was in an embarrassing state of arousal because of it. Did he move her and hope that didn't wake her? Did he leave her alone and hope that she didn't notice?

He swore silently as he felt her hands shift even further up his back. Sure, he had fantasized about this. He had just never imagined that Katniss would be curled up next to him, unconsciously touching him and driving him wild. He was going to need a cold shower soon.

-o-

Katniss started to surface as soon as someone moved the warmth away. She unconsciously burrowed her hands further into the warmth, growling in protest as it moved away. She opened her eyes to find Peet's blue ones looking at her intently. Without thought, she stroked her hands up and down the soft skin of his back while watching his face. His eyes darkened with desire and then closed.

He gently pushed her further away, then sat up with his head in his hands, breathing hard.

Katniss felt close to tears.

"God, Katniss. Are you trying to kill me?"

"I don't know what happened." _Yes, you do. The dreams you keep having happened. His soft skin happened. The thought of him touching your bare skin - and then doing it - happened._

The dryer buzzing interrupted the silence. "I'll go grab your clothes. Do you mind if I take a quick shower before we go?"

-o-

Peet stopped the car in front of her house, the wipers sounding very loud. Neither of them had spoken much since that awkward exchange on the couch.

"Katniss, about what happened back there…"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for things to go so far."

Katniss felt her heart hurt at the rejection.

"It's ok, Mellark. You don't need to tell me that I was out of line touching you like that. I know that we're supposed to be friends and nothing more."

Peet shook his head. "It's not really that."

"You pushed me away." Katniss stared out the window playing with her hair.

He sighed. "Katniss, look at me."

She slid a glance to the side, barely meeting his eyes.

"I stopped you because, when a girl you like is touching you and you are touching her, _things_ happen. You just…you have no idea the effect you have." Peet's face turned red.

Katniss stared at him and then finally caught on. _She had that effect on Peet?_ She smiled shyly and cleared her throat. "Should we…Should I regret it?" Katniss asked.

"No. Although I wish that I hadn't been asleep for most of it." Peet grinned sheepishly.

Katniss opened the car door and leaned in to grab her bag. She surprised even herself by saying, "Well, maybe next time you'll be awake, Mellark." She slammed the door and ran inside, too embarrassed to look back and wave.

His look of hopeful surprise made her day bright, despite the rain.


	10. April

"What do you mean, she's selling the house?" Peet stood with his arms crossed.

Two older gentlemen had knocked on the door early this morning. They had introduced themselves as Remus Aurelius and Plutarch Heavensbee, the attorneys in charge of his trust. Remus was the shorter of the two, and had kindly green eyes, glasses and dark hair. Even on a Saturday, he wore an immaculately tailored a dark suit. Plutarch, on the other hand, was in a shiny collared shirt and European jeans, his thinning blonde hair slicked back from his high forehead.

"Peeta, your mother is allowed to list the house for sale after your graduation. We have received a letter of intent from her attorney that she plans to do exactly that the day after graduation." Remus shifted from foot to foot nervously. He pulled a letter from his inside pocket and handed it to Peet. "Here is a list of everything that is her property. You and your brothers will want to go through the things that are not listed and decide how you want to store it or dispose of it."

Peet stared at the letter in Remus's hand blankly _,_ feeling like he had just been punched. _Of course, that was probably her point. Even from far away, his mother could hurt him._ He took the letter.

Remus smiled at him and patted his hand. "The assets of the business are safe. The cars you and your brothers drive, the delivery van, the actual business are all protected in the trust."

Plutarch finally spoke up. "Look, Peeta, the business is doing well. Ms. Paylor and Ms. Mason are doing a great job growing the business. You and your brothers will be well taken care of. You can go to college, travel, do whatever you like. Keep in touch with us if you need funds and Remus will arrange the details." He looked at his watch. "Remus, we need to go. I have a 10 am tee time at Mount Woodson.

Remus smiled at Peet again. "Call us if you need anything, young man. And remember: if it is not on the list, she is not entitled to it."

Peet called his brothers on Skype.

"Peet, you look like hell." Geoff said. He was dressed in sweats and a Mellark's t-shirt and had obviously been working out.

"Dude, it's before 10 am on a Saturday, this had better be good." Rye's blonde hair was standing straight up. Peet could see the arm of a girl in Rye's bed behind him.

Peet shook his head. "Rye, you grew up in a bakery. How are you still in bed at 10 am?" Peet explained the reason for the call. "I'm going to need help going through things at the house."

Geoff nodded grimly.

Rye just sat there, dumbfounded. "That witch!"

Peet sighed. "I know. She really is. Can you guys come down at the same time and maybe we can do this together?"

They planned details, deciding on Spring Break as the best time to get it done. Rye couldn't do the entire week because he was meeting his girlfriend's parents. "Dudes, she could be the one."

Geoff yawned. "Rye, you said that the last time, and the time before that. You think any girl that gives you a dough-ner is the love of your life."

"At least I don't just have a hard-on for math." Rye replied testily.

"Guys! Guys!" Peet interjected. "We'll have plenty of time to pick on each other when you get here."

"Sounds like a plan. I'm going back to bed." Rye gave a huge fake yawn.

"Have fun with your mattress workout, little brother." Geoff said drily.

"Love you guys." Peet said. He shook his head and signed off. His brothers had a way of making everything bearable.

-o-

"What are you doing for Spring Break?" Madge asked Katniss over lunch. Madge was eating a low-carb lunch of hard boiled eggs, nuts and sliced cheese.

Katniss shrugged. "Working. Same as always. How can you eat that?" She motioned to the combination in front of Madge.

Madge grimaced. "Easy. I just dream about what it would be like to be as thin as you." When she saw the flash of hurt on her friend's face, she sighed. "I'm sorry. I knew there would be mood changes on this diet. I just didn't realize exactly how bitchy it would make me."

Katniss silently held a water cracker out to her. Madge shook her head.

"Ladies!" Streeter sat down at their table. Madge rolled her eyes while Katniss glared.

Streeter checked out their lunches. He frowned when he saw Madge's. "Madge, what is all of this?"

"I'm doing the low-carb thing. Prom is in 2 months and I am going to look amazing." Madge flipped her hair.

"Madge, you could wear a sack and still look amazing." Streeter turned to Katniss, not even registering Madge's look of pleased surprise. "Hey, Katniss."

Katniss wrinkled her nose. "Hey, Streeter. No kale or seaweed today?"

"No. I ate my organic whole wheat lard free bean and soy cheese burrito already. I talked to my Dad and he really liked your picture. He would like to meet you. Are you around for Spring Break?"

"Yeah. I'll be here. I was just going to work. Why would he want to meet me?"

"He called it an epic shot and used words like _once in a lifetime_. I'll email you with some times when he might be available. He'll probably want to see some of your other pics, too."

Katniss just nodded.

"Streeter, does that mean you're not coming with us for Spring Break?" Madge was going to Colorado with the usual group of friends. Katniss's heart sank in her chest when she suddenly realized Peet might be going with them.

"Nope. Dad's coming back and we're going to surf together for a week." He stood up. "I'll see you both around."

Katniss watched him walk away and then turned to Madge, who was studiously staring at an egg. A light bulb suddenly went on inside her head. "You like him, don't you?"

Madge picked up her egg and took a bite, then said, "Who?"

"Madge, you can't fool me. You like Streeter."

Madge turned her green eyes to Katniss. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Katniss laughed. "You know, I think he might like you too. He's always calling you gorgeous or saying that you look amazing."

Madge finally said quietly, "We're together all the time. He's never once tried anything."

"But you want him to."

Madge did not answer, but Katniss could read the answer on her face.

-o-

"Dad, this is Katniss Everdeen. She shot the pic of my friend Peet." Streeter plopped down on the sand immediately after introductions were done, drying his hands and digging into the Mellark's bag on his towel.

His Dad laughed, strong white teeth showing in his tanned face." Street, leave something for us! Hello, Katniss. Street has told me a lot about you. Join us for breakfast? And please, call me Ted."

Katniss shook his hand and sat on another towel. Streeter was still rummaging through the bag, pulling out Danish, strudel, muffins and scones. Meanwhile, Ted pulled coffee cups out of another bag.

He set one down in front of Katniss. "When I saw Peeta this morning, he mentioned that you prefer tea to coffee."

Katniss took a sip – her tea was prepared just how she liked was like having Peet here with her, which calmed her nerves considerably.

Streeter took a huge bite of a double chocolate muffin. Talking with his mouth full, he said, "Peet's name is Peeta. That's right!" He swallowed and then laughed.

Katniss frowned at him. Before she could say anything, though, Ted said, "Where's your good sense? If you want karma to come around and hit you in the head, I can tell everyone that your real name is Thor."

Katniss almost choked on her scone. _Thor?_

Streeter grimaced at him. "Dad. I can't believe you just told her." To Katniss he mumbled, "I can't help it if I was awesome even as a baby." He bit into a cherry Danish and chewed loudly.

His dad just raised an eyebrow at him.

"Streeter, I can't believe you're eating that. And drinking coffee? Is that organic?"

Ted laughed while Streeter looked sheepish. "Street only eats like that when I'm not home. His Mom's a heart surgeon, so she fills his head and stomach with holistic and super-healthy stuff. When I'm home, we eat like every day is our best day. We've been coming to this beach with Mellark's pastries since he was first born." Ted reached over and mussed his son's hair.

They were all quiet for a moment, basking in the sun, the waves and the sweetness of Mellark's baked goods.

"So, Katniss. Tell me about this epic pic. Where were you?"

"I came down to the beach like normal – I pretty much come here every day. I usually do butterflies or squirrels or birds. Sometime landscapes."

"Not people?" Ted asked as he sipped coffee.

"No. I'm not good with people." Katniss paused to brush crumbs from her lap. "I saw these fins and no one seemed to be freaking out, so I just brought up my viewfinder and watched them. I ended up with a bunch of shots of the dolphins."

"Then Peet dropped in on a wave." Streeter supplied.

Katniss nodded. "Peet started to surf and I could see that he was riding the wave with the dolphin. I kept squeezing off shots. And then he wiped out."

"The dolphin bumped him right off the face!" Streeter exclaimed.

"I brought some other shots if you want to take a look. If you don't think the shot is mine or something." Katniss pulled an album out of her bag and handed it to Ted while the younger Streeter picked up his board and started toward the waves.

Ted flipped through it, lingering especially on several shots from the same day. "I see what you mean by taking shots of mostly animals. And I never doubted that the picture was yours: Streeter doesn't lie and it never dawned on me that you would either. You have a great eye."

He handed her back the album. "Katniss, you know that I sometimes take shots and sell them to surf magazines, right?" She nodded. "What if I wanted to sell a few of your shots from that day? Would you let me broker the deal?"

Katniss's mouth went dry. "Um, I have no idea how any of that works."

"I broker it, I get 15%. Does that seem fair?"

"Isn't that a little low?" Katniss sounded doubtful.

Ted laughed. "You know that you're supposed to negotiate down, right? It is a little low, but I have enough money. Plus, karma is all about giving some good back. I've received a lot of good in my life."

"How much do you think we could get for it?" Katniss asked quietly. Prim's college fund could always use the extra money.

"It really is a once in a lifetime shot. Talk about the right place at the right time! Street was right – it is truly epic." Ted looked off to watch his son paddling out. "You're not established yet. With my backing, though, I think we could bring in twenty five or maybe thirty thousand."

 _Dollars?_ Katniss's mouth hung open.

"You keep your mouth open like that, you'll catch sand fleas." Ted said. "I know it seems like a lot. It's really not if you try to make a living off of it. And of course there is my fifteen percent. Is it a deal?"

Katniss shook hands before he could change his mind. That much money would change Prim's life – she could go to college and not have to scrounge for every penny.

"Katniss, can I ask you for one more favor?" Ted asked, embarrassed.

 _Here is the catch, finally._ _I knew it was too good to be true._ Katniss nodded, afraid to be let down but helpless to stop it.

"I don't have any pictures of Street and I surfing together. Can you stick around and maybe take some shots of us? Like I said, you have a great eye."

She stared at him incredulously and nodded.

-o-

"Are we done, yet?" Rye complained for the seventh time that day.

Geoff drily replied, "Nope. And that makes an average of one complaint an hour since we started."

Rye punched his brother. "Doing this is like watching paint dry!" He complained.

The Mellark boys had been going through everything from desk drawers to their father's closet looking for anything they might want to keep. It had been a grueling day so far, and many memories had surfaced of both their father and their mother.

"Tomorrow we concentrate on our own rooms. I can't take snooping around in our parents' stuff anymore." Peet said. He had been the one to find the love letters from Mr. Mellark to the girl who had become Mrs. Everdeen. He speculated that she must have given them back after the break up. He could not bear to throw them out, since he was sure they showed him a side of his father that he wanted to keep alive if he could.

He wondered if his mother had ever read them.

It had been Geoff's idea to go through their father's office first. The intent was that they could clean it out and then use it to store all of the things on their mother's list – things that she had decided were "hers". It would have been a great plan if Rye were not lazy and if their father had not collected quite so much stuff. It seemed like every drawer was full of old receipts or junk. They had spent most of the day sifting through those items to find the few things to keep. Rye found the letter opener Geoff had given to him one Christmas with his first non-bakery paycheck. Geoff snapped that up. Peet found his Dad's lighter from the army – engraved with his unit, the date, his initials and _Dominican Republic_. His Dad had flipped that open and shut as a habit when the boys were younger. Rye said he wanted it, and Peet handed it over. Geoff discovered a milk crate full of pictures. Some were as large as 11x14, some as small as 5x7. They were all stamped with _Abernathy Photography_ on the back. Peet called dibs on those.

"Shouldn't we be throwing more out?" Peet said.

Geoff threw a bunch of old report cards in the trash. "We should let her deal with it. We just don't want to miss anything that we want to keep."

"Are we going to be doing this all night? I've got to go call my girlfriend." Rye threw in.

Geoff snorted. "Haven't you called her like four times since you got here a day ago? Dude, she has you whipped."

As he walked out of the office, Rye looked over his shoulder and said, "She misses her daily dose of Rye."

"I bet." Peet said.

"Peet!" Rye yelled from the kitchen.

Peet groaned, "What now?"

"Peet!" Rye yelled more insistently.

Geoff shrugged and Peet left him to sorting.

"Rye, seriously. Just because you are the laziest man alive…." Peet trailed off.

"Look what I found knocking on the back door…" Rye crossed his arms smugly.

Katniss smiled. "I hope now isn't a bad time."

"Katniss, are you ok?" Peet spoke at the same time. They both laughed.

"You first." Peet said. She looked pointedly at Rye, trying to get him to take the hint.

"You two star-crossed lovers go ahead and talk. I'll just be here in case my little brother needs some pointers."

Katniss cocked her eyebrow and put her hands on her hips. "Really? Like the time you had to give him pointers in the all-school wrestling match? It looked to me like you were the one getting schooled."

Rye narrowed his eyes. "All that matters is the score at the end of the match. And I believe I won that one."

"Only because Peet let you."

There was silence in the kitchen for a minute as Katniss stared at him. Finally, Rye mumbled, I'll go help Geoff and leave you two alone."

Peet and Katniss listened to his footsteps recede. Peet turned back to her, a huge smile on his face. "You saw the match?"

Katniss looked uncomfortable as she twisted the strap of her backpack. "Of course. It was a big deal."

Peet laughed. "OK, Everdeen, what gives with the visit today? You look like you've got something big on your mind."

She bounced on the tip of her toes and the words came out in a rush. "I just met with Mr. Streeter. Oh my God, Peet! He said that he could sell my surf photo to a magazine! It's enough money for Prim's first year of college! Do you know Streeter's real name? "

Peet laughed again. "Whoa. Slow down. I think I caught some of the basics…but what surf photo?"

 _Oh, no. I never told Peet. The picture is of him! Would he block me from selling it?_ Suddenly, Katniss's entire mood deflated. "I took a picture of a surfer with a dolphin and Streeter gave it to his Dad. He never told you?"

Peet shook his head. "No. Why would he?"

"I just assumed you had put him up to it. It seemed like the sort of thing that you would do. Anyway, a surf magazine is interested in buying it." Katniss felt a little bit of the bubble return.

"Katniss, that is great news!" Peet smiled at her.

"Hey, brioche-brain…you coming to help? Tell your girlfriend that she can get some cream puff later." Katniss wasn't sure if it was Rye or Geoff who yelled it, but Peet turned bright red.

Peet motioned down the hallway. "My brothers are here for Spring Break."

Katniss nodded. "I gathered. I'm going to take off - I just wanted to tell you about the picture." She let herself out the back.

Peet walked back into the office, so he missed Katniss stop and put her hand to her head. _I never got Peet's permission to use his image. What am I going to do now?_


	11. May

Prim was the last person Peet expected to text him. Even stranger was the content of the text: it seemed that Primrose Everdeen was cordially inviting Peeta Mellark to a garden party at her house. Katniss and he and Haymitch were the only invited guests and she asked him to dress comfortably. _What does 'dress comfortably' mean?_ In the end, he wore what he wore to school – jeans and his favorite blue collared shirt. He packaged up the lemon squares that he had made and was on his way.

Prim greeted him warmly at the door. Haymitch, seemingly still hung over from the night before, grunted from the kitchen. Peet handed her the lemon squares.

"Peet, that was really nice but you didn't have to." Prim took the pastry and plated it.

"Sure he did. Isn't that why we invited him?" Haymitch hovered around the plate while Prim shooed him away. "These are for Katniss!"

Haymitch wandered to his recliner, mumbling something like, "Damn birthdays. She just had one last year."

"It's Katniss's birthday?" Peet asked."I would have baked a cake for her or something."

Prim waved him off. "I always make her one – it's tradition." She said as she bustled around the kitchen. He understood what Prim meant: Peet thought about his Dad making him and his brothers a special cake every year. One year it had been a lion that actually roared. Another, it was a race car with real moving tires. Some of his best memories were making a wish and blowing out the candles on his birthday cake. It made his heart ache to think that it would never happen again.

"Wait a second!" Peet ran out of the house and came back with a present wrapped in Christmas paper. "I never gave her a Christmas gift because of the trip and then…well...you know. I've been riding around with it in my car forever, but it's never been the right time."

Prim shook her head and laughed. "You may want to put it back. Katniss doesn't like a lot of fuss over her, even on her birthday. "

Haymitch yelled loudly from the next room, "Damn boy is trying too hard. No wonder she won't put out."

Prim interrupted him, "Haymitch, shut up. It's sweet. We'll put your gift behind a chair in case the time is right. And if it's not the right time, no harm done."

Prim motioned to a door in the kitchen that opened into the backyard. When Peet opened it, it was like he was stepping into a wonderland. He stopped dead: there were planters and green bushes and a rock path that led to a small fountain. There were Chinese lanterns, candle lamps, and wind chimes hanging from fruit trees and a decorative plum that was a beautiful shade of crimson where hummingbird feeders dangled like jewels. In the middle of it all was a small sitting area with a loveseat, 2 chairs and a small table. It was the perfect place to escape.

He heard Prim laugh as she maneuvered around him. "I take it you like it?"

"It's incredible."

"Thanks. I planted it little by little. It was my favorite place to come for a long time. Katniss still comes out here some mornings to take pictures of butterflies or hummingbirds."

"You did all this?" Peet looked around.

"Well, most of it is edible. It started as a way to have something to eat. Haymitch wasn't used to feeding two young girls and Katniss wasn't selling any of her pictures yet, so we had to do something. I brought some plants with us from our old house and then it literally grew from there."

"Did Katniss help?"

At the question, Prim laughed. "Katniss doesn't have a green thumb. She's more of a pin it down and shoot it girl."

"We don't even have a yard." Peet said. The ocean had been his yard growing up and he was happy with that. He had never thought of his house as lacking anything except love. "Prim, do you mind if I run and grab my sketch pad out of my car?" Peet looked around again at the beauty surrounding him.

"Sure. And maybe in your next house you can plant something. I can show you how." She patted him on the back. "Katniss told me that your Mom is selling." Peet felt a pang in his chest. It still had not quite sunk in that he would be moving away from his childhood home for good.

"Where is Katniss?" Peet asked, after he was sitting on a chair drawing flowers and birds.

"She got a 9-1-1 urgent text from Madge who said something about an In 'N Out meeting. She should be home soon. She would never miss her own birthday."

-o-

"I can't believe you are eating that." Katniss eyed the Double Double hamburger with cheese, fries and chocolate shake sitting in front of Madge. Madge, who always looked perfect, was not even wearing make-up. She was dressed in jeans and flip-flops and her hair was back in simple pony tail. "I'd say this is urgent. What's going on?"

Madge dunked a French fry into her chocolate shake. When she popped the fry into her mouth she actually groaned in ecstasy. "I'm done, Katniss."

"Done?" Visions of her friend doing something dire made Katniss frown.

"Done trying to be perfect. I never satisfy anyone anyway. Do you know why I sat with you during lunch for the past four years?"

"For my sparkling personality?" Katniss joked. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear what Madge thought the basis of their friendship was.

Madge gave her a side look. "That too. I sat with you because I was hoping that your confidence and your individuality would rub off. That I could finally learn to be happy with myself and not worry about anyone else."

"Seriously? You have a bright and shining future at any number of colleges. And I'm…well, I'm horrible around people."

"Well, you are a little surly sometimes." Madge joked. She took a bite of her hamburger and held it out to Katniss as a blob of ketchup hit the table. "Are you sure you don't want some?"

Katniss held a hand to her stomach. "I'm sure. What triggered this mega-calorie outing?."

Madge slurped her shake. "Streeter."

"Streeter triggered this unhealthy-heart fest? I can't imagine he would approve of this lunch."

More hamburger disappeared as Madge chewed. "Streeter won't ask me to Prom."

"Why would that…oh. You want him to ask you!" Katniss eyed the rapidly disappearing hamburger with distress. "How do you know he won't ask you?" If Streeter had turned down Madge Katniss would personally hit him hard in the gut.

"I don't, not strictly. It just dawned on me that I've spent high school trying to impress boys. First, Gale Hawthorne and now Streeter. And it hasn't worked in either case."

Katniss's mouth hung open. "You liked Gale?"

"Katniss, come on. He's gorgeous and he was an upperclassman. And I am a sucker for dark hair and light eyes, I guess. Neither of them even noticed me: Gale was too into you, and Streeter is into… I have no idea." She licked ketchup off her hand to find Katniss still gaping at her. "Don't tell me that I wasn't supposed to notice Gale brooding over you? Because it's impossible to miss. Almost as impossible to miss as Peet staring at you in classes for the past four years."

Katniss shook her head. "I think you're wrong. I'm nothing special."

Madge raised an eyebrow and lifted her shake. "You must be kidding. Did you miss what I said earlier? You're thin and smart and intense and guys go crazy for you. Why do you think that Delly played that prank on Peet?"

"What prank?" Katniss asked. This was the most Katniss had ever heard Madge talk and she was having trouble keeping up.

"Where she lured him into thinking he slept with her." Madge's tone was matter of fact but it still made Katniss wince. "You know that it didn't happen, right? Delly knew that if Peet thought it was real that he would tell you about it. She thought it might set you down a few pegs."

"You knew this and didn't tell me?" Hurt flashed in Katniss's eyes.

"Katniss, have you _met_ you? Because you can't tell you a thing that you don't want to hear. For instance: I've lived next to Peet since I was little and I've watched him stare at you for four years. I could have said something about it…hell, I probably should have said something, given that I saw you stare back enough times" Madge rolled the swear word on her tongue like a fine wine. "I knew you would rather stab me in the heart with something sharp than listen, though, so some things you just had to find out on your own."

"So why are you telling me this now?"

"Because I'm done: the old Madge Undersee is dead. Blown up. Gone. I'm starting over as the girl I would be if I wasn't concerned with what other people thought of me. I want to learn, I want to live – not be perfect! I'm starting today and I need your help, so this is my proposal: if you remind me to be myself, I'll be blisteringly honest with you. No matter how afraid of you I am and even if I don't think you want to hear it. Deal?" Madge wiped off her pinky and held it out for pinky-swearing.

"Wait. Let me get this straight: if you start to slip back into your I-just-want-to-please-everyone ways, I am supposed to warn you? Hit you? And in return, you're going to tell me things I don't want to know? That doesn't seem like a great trade."

"Katniss, you need to learn to adapt and give new people a chance. I need to stop thinking it's a crisis if everyone doesn't like me. I need to ruffle some feathers. I need to be comfortable in my own skin. So, we'll have each other's backs from now on in a way we haven't before."

"What about Streeter? Does your I-don't-give-a-damn lunch mean that you don't care about him anymore?"

Madge threw her garbage in the trash and whirled toward her friend, her red hair glinting in the Del Mar sunlight. "Nope. But it means that the new Madge isn't going to wait around for him to ask her. New Madge is going to ask him."

Katniss shook her head, amazed at the change in her friend. "Bad posture, bad food, bad language: he's not going to know what hit him."

Madge laughed. "I'm counting on that."

-o-

"Prim, I'm back…" Katniss yelled from inside the house. She sighed and rubbed her stomach: she was hungry.

"Surprise!" Peet and Prim yelled from the garden. Haymitch didn't so much yell as wince at the noise.

Katniss acted surprised, which made Prim laugh. Peet watched them laugh and joke, sketching the three of them together. They looked happy and oddly like there was nowhere that they would rather be that together.

He wondered if he and his brothers looked this happy when they were together. For the first time since his Dad died, he realized that his family could still be a family. His brothers might be scattered for now, but they were still his brothers and could still be in contact for more than the infrequent emails and even more infrequent phone calls they shared.

Prim served heart shaped cucumber sandwiches and fresh fruit skewers that were arranged to look like a flower arrangement. Haymitch genteelly offered shortbread cookies edged in colorful candy sugar and star shaped cheeses. They drank ginger ale and iced tea from wineglasses with their pinkies in the air. It all baffled Peet until Katniss laughingly explained that the menu came from a fairytale book she had read to Prim years ago. They had added things over time – things a girl would eat playing tea party, for example – until they had this rather motley assembly of fantasy foods.

Peet thought it was sweet that Katniss's birthday was so much about Prim, who obviously reveled in providing her sister with an event designed to make her feel like a princess. He wished, just once, that he could make Katniss feel that way. It said a lot about Katniss that she was willing to put aside her feelings about being the center of attention for her sister. It also said a lot about Prim that she was able to engineer an event – including his own invitation – without allowing Katniss to protest.

Finally, Prim brought out a cake decorated in green frosting with tiny pink and purple flowers all over it. They sang loudly and off-key to Katniss, who put up with it graciously. She blew out the candle and handed each person a piece of chocolate cake with raspberry filling.

"Prim, this is beautiful and I should know – I decorate the cakes. Maybe we should give you a job at the bakery." Peet complimented her design. Prim blushed.

Haymitch snorted. "You decorate the _cakes_?"

Peet met Haymitch's eyes. "I come from a long line of artists."

"Artists who paint in frosting." Haymitch said snidely.

Peet shrugged. "You never know when cake decorating is going to come in handy. Let's say you're hiding from a psychopath and you only have tubes of frosting to work with…"

Prim laughed. They all cleaned their plates. Prim started clearing the dishes and Haymitch excused himself for something stronger than ginger ale. Peet noticed that he dropped a kiss on top of Katniss's head as he left.

Katniss leaned back and basked in the late afternoon sunlight. Peet unconsciously flipped to a new page and did a quick sketch. She looked happy, sated almost and he wanted to capture it.

"What are you drawing?" Katniss was looking at him through heavily lidded eyes.

"You." Peet held up the picture. _I want to freeze this moment and live in it forever._

-o-

"Can I see?" Katniss took the sketchbook and idly flipped through it. A lot of the drawings were of her. She looked at Peet who blushed slightly. It brought to mind what Madge had said about Peet watching her for four years.

"I have something for you. I meant to give it to you at Christmas but never got the chance." Peet reached behind him to retrieve the present. Katniss just stared at it. "Go ahead, open it."

She ripped open the wrapping paper to find an 11x14 canvas. On it was painted the face of a girl as seen through a mist of golden light. Her eyes were bright and reflected concern, her skin looked soft enough to touch, her lips slightly open, like she was saying something. The girl in the picture was beautiful. It took a moment for Katniss to realize that Peet had painted her.

"Is this how you see me?" Her voice was suddenly thick with tears. She could not take her eyes off of the picture.

"That's exactly how you looked to me the night my Mom left and I woke up with you in my room. You looked like an angel." Katniss sent him a disbelieving look. "I'm serious. Katniss, that night, you gave me hope."

 _Hope._ Like a boy sending her cookies when all hope was lost. She closed her eyes, thinking of all she could never repay him. She sighed. "Peet, remember the Streeter picture? The one I am selling?"

Peet nodded.

"It's of you. It's a picture of you. I never asked for you permission to use it." She braced herself for his angry outburst.

"So? I just sign a release and we're good, right?" Peet shrugged.

"What?" Katniss leaned forward. "You're just going to sign it over to me? You don't even know what your cut would be. How can you keep being this… this…nice to me?! At this rate I am never ever going to be able to pay you back."

"Pay me back? For what?" Peet looked dumbfounded.

"For the cookie tray! For being so nice to me. For making me believe that someone could care enough to help someone like me."

"You mean from when we were kids? You were keeping score, even then?" Peet stood up and started pacing. Katniss kept quiet. He rubbed the back of his neck. "So let me get this straight. You think that you owe me so everything you've done for me this year: the picture of my Dad, helping me when my Mom left, letting me kiss you, Christmas, all of it was because you were keeping score?"

Katniss looked up at him in the pink-gold rays of the setting sun. He looked golden and perfect, the blue in his shirt bringing out the blue of his eyes. It reminded her of waking up on the couch with him, their arms wrapped around each other. It reminded her of how good he had felt, how right. She knew she would never be good enough for him.

She looked away as an answer: it was safer for her heart if he thought she did it all out of obligation. Even though a little voice inside her head was telling her to tell him how real her feelings, she ignored it.

"So how much do you owe me? …Including the picture. Is it something big? It seems like it should be something big." Peet continued to pace.

Katniss closed her eyes in anticipation _._ Her stomach began to hurt.

"Hmmm. What could I ask for that would even things out?" Peet walked over and sat down next to her on the couch. He snapped his fingers. "I've got it. Go to Prom with me."

Katniss said it like it was a dirty word. "Prom?"

"Yeah. Prom. And you treat me like a real date for the whole night." Peet's clear blue eyes met hers in challenge.

"No hotel room, no after party. Are we clear?"

It was Peet's turn to frown. "No… God…no. Did you think that I would make you… no. Just the dance. You and me, tux and a dress, flowers, the whole bit. And then we're even. I'll sign a release and you don't ever have to see me again if that's the way you want it."

Katniss swallowed. The thought of never seeing Peet again was almost too much to bear. Katniss nodded.

"Your answer is yes?"

"Yes." Katniss whispered. She thought about Madge and Prim – if they could turn redefine themselves, so could she.


	12. June

"We should go shopping." Madge announced as she ate her organic fruit salad and Greek yogurt.

Katniss picked apart her half eaten peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich. "Shopping?"

"Yes, shopping. For Prom. You said yes to Peet, remember?"

Katniss shut her eyes: it was all she could think of these days. Prom was 2 weeks away and she had no idea what do to. She knew she had given Peet her word but every time she thought about it her stomach hurt. "Prim said I should buy myself something nice."

"Prim is a very smart girl. And I think I would agree with her that you don't do anything nice for yourself."

"We don't all think that shopping is _something nice_. We've don't have money to throw around…"

"Oh, Katniss, stop right there. If Prim is saying it, I am sure that you can take some of the money you've earned and spend a little. Or I can buy it for you. After all, my Stepmom keeps giving me a crazy allowance and now that I don't shop every week, it's piling up. Cinna and I can pick you and Prim up and we can pretend we're princesses. I'm not taking no for an answer." Madge flipped her ponytail behind her.

Katniss looked at her ruined sandwich. "Did he ask you?" She was referring to Streeter, who had been avoiding Madge like the plague. Every once in a while she would catch Streeter staring at Madge but whenever Madge would look back, he dropped his eyes or looked away. Katniss would have thought it funny if it did not remind her of Peeta looking at her the same way.

"No." Madge said with a smile.

"But you're still smiling?" Katniss asked.

Madge thought for a minute and then said, "We're seniors. If he doesn't ask, I'll go alone. I'm going to look great and have a great time and move on with the rest of my life. If it's not him, there will be some other great guy. It didn't kill me when Gale didn't like me back and Streeter isn't any different. I'm stronger than that. Now, come on. Let's go find Cinna so we can have our own personal stylist!"

-o-

Katniss swore that she saw Streeter lurking just a few stores behind them at the mall where she, Madge, Cinna and Prim were shopping. Prim saw Katniss checking behind them and finally, she could not stand it anymore: she told the group she was going to the restroom and waited patiently. When she saw Streeter walking past where she was standing, she jumped out at him.

"Stalking is a crime."

"Not cool!" Streeter jumped almost clear out of his flip flops. He squinted at her as if trying to place her. "Aren't you the little Everdeen?"

Prim rolled her eyes. "Very good! Let's go right to the bonus round: why are you following Madge and Katniss?"

Streeter flushed and shrugged. "It's a free country - I can shop if I want to. What are you guys doing here?" Streeter thrust his hands into his pockets.

"We're shopping for Prom dresses. Which I am pretty sure you know, having watched Madge and Katniss parade around two or three stores wearing them." She leaned closer and whispered conspiratorially, "You know, Katniss might kill you just for seeing her in a dress."

Streeter swallowed audibly. "You're not going say anything, are you?"

Prim clucked her tongue impatiently. "Sometimes boys are just dumb. Do you know how creepy following us is? Madge isn't stupid - she's going to catch on. Why don't you just ask her out?"

"Ask her out? She would never go out with me." Something in his eyes spoke of vulnerability. Prim knew she had him when he mumbled, "It was better when she was totally unattainable."

She laughed so hard she snorted. "Unattainable? You mean when she was trying to so hard to be perfect that she was miserable? Let me spell it out for you: if you don't ask her out, it will be some other guy who ends up with her and then you'll never know if you had a chance. Aren't you always talking about Karma? Maybe you should believe your own line of bull. Remember this, Streeter: to the Victor go the spoils. Are you a Victor?" She stared at him shrewdly.

After waiting for her little speech to sink in, she said more lightly, "Tell my sister I am getting an Orange Julius."

-o-

Katniss came out of the dressing room to find Streeter and Madge holding hands and staring into each other's eyes. Madge looked ecstatic and Cinna was grasping his chest like the most romantic thing in the world had just occurred. It did not surprise Katniss when Madge and Streeter disappeared to share a Cinnabon, leaving her to interrogate Cinna while Prim smirked and sipped her Orange Julius.

Cinna gushed, "Oh, Katniss, it was so romantic! Streeter walked into the store looking like a lost puppy. Madge walked out of the dressing room at just that moment. It was like the two of them froze in time – just like in the movies. And then he walked over to her, I swear it was in slow motion, and he reached up to touch her face. She looked at him like she was adorably confused. And then he kissed her."

"He…kissed…her?" Katniss said.

Cinna laughed. "I know, it's crazy! It was amazing the way he looked at her. And then he asked her to the Prom,and she said yes! Next stop – Prom!" He clapped.

Katniss stared at the self-satisfied smile that broke out on her sister's face. Prim, she knew, would have been ecstatic to go to Prom. Prim, who encouraged her to dress like this was a once in a lifetime event. Prim, who wanted her to embrace all that the Prom represented.

_Yeah. Next stop, Prom._ Katniss thought grimly.

-o-

Prim sighed. "Oh, Katniss, you look beautiful."

Katniss stared at herself in the mirror in disbelief. Was that really her? She twirled slowly, watching the skirt of her dress float around her calves. Cinna had decided she was overpowered by big dresses and steered her toward something that was almost Grecian. The dress was a peachy soft orange color, bound at the shoulders and under the breasts by gold cord that also wrapped around Katniss's waist. The material was so light so that it floated when she walked producing a soft, ethereal effect. With her hair bound in gold ribbon on top of her head, makeup done by Prim, crystal drop earrings in her ears and heeled sandals, she barely looked like herself.

_I can' go through with this._

What if Peet laughed at her? What if everyone laughed at her? She might look like this, but they would know that she was just pretending: she could never be one of them. Peet would know – he would finally see her and know that she was not good enough for him. Oh, he would make a good show and act charming and courteous. After all, he would never be rude to her face. Inside, though, he would finally acknowledge what she had known all along.

She put a hand to her stomach.

"Peet is going to just die when he sees you." Prim gushed as she took a picture with her cell phone.

"Please, Prim. I just…need a minute."

"OK. I love you. You're going to have such a good time tonight." Prim kissed her and left their room.

Katniss stared at herself in the mirror, thinking about all the things that could go wrong. She might look like a princess, but she felt like a frog. She was just a girl from the Seam who would be out of place and awkward. Some of them might even be friendly to her out of pity. Katniss's mind kept coming to the same conclusion: there was no way she was going to be able to show her face at the dance. She grabbed her backpack quickly, threw in a change of clothes and flip flops and, as gingerly as she could, slipped out the open window. She hoped Prim could forgive her.

She had a sinking feeling that Peet never would.

-o-

Peet was at the door exactly on time.

"Peet, you look so handsome. Haymitch, don't you think Peet looks handsome?" Prim asked.

Haymitch grunted from his recliner. "Looks like a penguin to me. The boy looks better in a t-shirt."

"Thank you, Haymitch." Peet said wryly.

Prim brandished her cell phone. "Let me take a few pictures of you and then I'll go get Katniss. Are those flowers for her? Oh, those white orchids are going to look lovely with her dress. I'm so glad I told you that Katniss can't stand roses!"

Prim walked down the short hall and Haymitch rose out of his chair with more agility than his slurred speech would imply. He put an arm around Peet. "I know it's been a long wait, so I got you some protection for tonight." Haymitch handed him a ten-pack of condoms. "I probably would should gotten you some Gatorade too, if I had been smart."

Peet's face flushed bright red.

"What? Boy, there's nothing wrong with a workout. You don't want to get dehydrated and electrolytes are important to keep your stamina up. Believe me, stamina is important…" Haymitch mussed Peet's hair as Peet winced.

"Um, guys?" Prim said. "We have a problem – Katniss is gone."

"What do you mean, gone?" Haymitch asked, scowling.

"I mean she seems to have climbed out the window. I should have known she was getting cold feet because she was acting so weird… Peet, I am so sorry. Haymitch, we should go look for her."

Peet thought he heard Haymitch mumble something like, "Damn girl is a pain in my ass…"

Peet sighed and shook his head. His shoulders slumped. "It's ok. I knew it was too good to be true. Leave her be. Maybe I'll catch up with her later this weekend." Peet turned on his heel and walked out of the house.

Prim watched him leave with a thoughtful frown. "Haymitch, sometimes I think you're right – she really doesn't deserve him."

Haymitch grunted as he toddled back to his recliner.

-o-

Katniss was cold. Despite the fact that it was a June night in Del Mar, it was still damp and breezy at the beach. She had nowhere else to go and the beach was private and quiet. She had settled on the patio of Peet's house: it had furniture so it was more comfortable than the sand, and she could use Peet's "get away" clothes as cover. She knew she was being foolish skipping the dance. Once her stomach had calmed down, she saw what an idiot she was being but it still wasn't enough for her to call him on her cell phone and ask him to come get her. She thought that her best course of action was going to be to apologize in person - maybe Peet wouldn't even make her beg.

She must have dozed. She awoke to the feeling of being carried by someone who was blessedly warm. She blinked groggily, realizing it was Peet carrying her into the house and putting her down on the sofa. She could tell the minute he knew she was awake; his muscles tightened in a way that suggested annoyance, not tenderness.

"Peet…."

"Don't, Katniss. I trusted you." His voice was clipped.

"I'm sorry I made you miss out on your Prom." Katniss couldn't believe how dead his voice sounded, so unlike Peet.

"It was _our_ Prom. And I didn't miss it: I went. It was nice. If you weren't so selfish, you might have enjoyed it. Do you want me to go get your corsage? It's in the car, I think."

Katniss had never heard him so bitter and she flinched as if struck. For once, her hurt did not seem to affect Peet.

"Why did you do it, Katniss? If you were going to bail on me, why not just tell me no? Why get all dressed up, get Prim and Haymitch all excited that you might finally relax and have a little fun, then run away? I have been waiting for you since we were twelve years old – waiting for you to pay me some attention – any attention. And when you finally do, every time you do, you pull away. Do you have any idea how cruel that is? And then you come _here?_ What am I supposed to think?" Peet ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation.

"I never made you wait for me. I never asked you to sacrifice yourself in any way for me. I didn't want anyone to laugh at me – to see me as trying to be something that I'm not – tonight." Katniss stood up, fists clenched at her sides.

"Why would anyone laugh at you? Come on, Katniss. You'll have to do better than that."

"…Because I don't fit in! I never have! I'm just the poor girl from the Seam with grease under her nails and no Mom or Dad. That's what everyone says, right? I don't want your pity." She was seething.

Peet untied his tie, taking his time. "Is that what you think when you look in the mirror? Because that's not at all how I see you – especially not tonight. And I have _never_ pitied you." He looked her over from her head to her feet. His gaze was hot, his blue eyes intense. What she saw there made her warm and restless, but not in a bad way.

Her mouth was dry, so she licked her lips. "How do…How do you see me tonight?"

Peet walked over until she was standing in front of him, close enough to touch, with her head tilted back. A muscle jumped in his jaw and he said, "You look incredible – like a goddess, all golden, soft skin. You are deceptively delicate – I've seen how strong you are when you work at Haymitch's. Your eyes glow sometimes, like now, when they focus only on me and things I feel when I'm with you. They make me want to kiss you."

"Peet…" Katniss said, unable to take her eyes from his which glowed.

Peet leaned in, bringing their lips in closer. "What Katniss? Now you want me to stop? You start me talking about how I see you and then feel badly about hearing the truth? You're missing something critical: I have nothing left to lose. You've already decimated me tonight. I don't pity you. I pity me for being so pathetic." Her eyes focused on his lips but he did not kiss her. His words washed over her and she knew he meant them – she had hurt him in a way she could not take back. In a way, it was making him more honest with her. It was also showing her just how deeply she had cut him.

"You skin makes me want to taste it. Does it taste as warm and sun-kissed as it looks? I wonder that. I used to dream of your hair – unbraiding it and combing my fingers through it. Every once in a while I would dream of it spread across my pillow. I know how soft your lips are, I remember every kiss we've ever had. I can recount in vivid detail all the times you've touched me, including the time on the couch when I woke up with you. You say you are too tiny, that you lack the curves of some other girls. I think you are perfectly made. I dream of touching you and you fit perfectly in my hands and my mouth. I wake sometimes aching for you. "He paused on the word aching, hovering just over her lips, watching her pupils react to his words. "The worst nightmare I've ever had is one where I lose you. And all of that is why I think you should leave, now, before I say or do anything else that's makes me pity myself even more."

Katniss could not move, not even if the hounds of Hell were chasing her. She was transfixed, staring at Peet's eyes which were so deep and so expressive. How had she never noticed that she could get lost in them? She noticed his jaw, which looked freshly shaven. Peet did not have to shave a lot – he didn't seem to get a lot of beard growth and it grew in blonde when he did – so that probably meant that he had shaved tonight before getting dressed to come and get her. She watched his Adam's apple bob when he swallowed. What would that taste like? Would it be salty? Did he have on any cologne tonight? If she ran her tongue over the spot at the base of his throat, what would he do?

"Katniss, please go." Peet's voice was hoarse as if he could feel the heat from her eyes dancing over his skin.

"No." Her voice was strong, confident as her hands reached up to his arms.

"Katniss…" Peet groaned. "You are killing me. If this is your way of paying me back or something…"

Katniss interrupted him before he could talk her out of this."Dance with me?"

Peet stared at her, then walked to the stereo and turned on some jazz. She heard him explained that it was his Dad's favorite radio station while she watched the tense line of his shoulders. She had done that and she needed to fix it. She found herself, as if in a dream, standing behind him.

He voiced another protest. "Katniss, I don't think this is a good idea."

"I want to dance with my date on Prom night." When that did achieve the desired results, she shocked them both and slid her arms around him. She leaned her head against the middle of his back and began swaying in time to the music. She could feel his heart pounding under her palms, a rapid tattoo that was faster than the music tempo. It was strong, comforting.

He smelled like Peet: not strictly like cookies this time, nor comfort. There was a little Bay Rum cologne, a little talcum powder, and that particular blend of flour/sugar/butter that he could not seem to scrub completely off of his skin that never ceased to make her want to devour him. She wanted to un-tuck his shirt to kiss his spine. She wanted to feel the bare skin of his chest under her hands. She tugged at the bottom of his shirt.

-o-

Peet could feel her entire torso pressed up against his back. He was sure he could feel her breath against his back, even through his shirt and his t-shirt.

"Katniss, stop." Peet turned to face her and grabbed her hands. "If you want to dance, let's dance."

Peet moved her hands to his shoulders and dropped his to her waist. He was doing his very best to keep his body in check and keep a proper amount of distance between them as they swayed to the music. Every time Katniss moved her hands, Peet sidestepped her to keep his sanity intact: he spun her, he even dipped her. The dip may have been a mistake, though, because Katniss ran her hands behind his head and tangled her fingers in his hair. His face was close enough to hers that he could see the black motes in her irises. He wasn't sure whose pulse beat he could feel pounding so insistently: hers or his own.

They stood and stared at each other in tense silence.

"Katniss, what do you want?" Peet asked.

-o-

She considered him for a moment. "I want your hands on me."

Peet closed his eyes like he was in pain. "You probably think that you need to do this to make up for standing me up earlier. Katniss, you don't need to do that. I don't want you to do this because you think you owe me something." Katniss was not sure if he was talking to her or to himself. His eyes were dark and intense and Katniss knew he wanted her. Her heart leapt at the thought.

Katniss walked over to him. "Give me your hand." When he did not move, she took his hand in her own. It trembled slightly in her much smaller one. "Trust me."

He laughed, a low and desperate sound, and then sucked in his breath when she maneuvered it to touch the bare skin exposed by the V neck of her dress. She held it there, letting the warmth of his palm seep into her skin, letting him feel the beating of her heart. She slid her hands around his neck and tugged his head down to hers only when she was sure that he would not let go. His lips resisted only for a moment before she felt him surrender.

The kiss deepened. Katniss tried to control it, but found she could only hold on to him tightly as waves of warmth rolled over her. His lips were soft, slightly moist, as his hands slipped down her sides to draw her closer to him. She felt the heat of his body as she ran her hands to the buttons of his shirt and slipped one loose, then another, and slipped her hands inside his shirt. She growled in frustration when she realized he was wearing a t-shirt underneath.

"Katniss… I can't. I don't know what I'm doing." Peet leaned his forehead against hers. His hands tightened on her waist like he was afraid to let her go.

"Neither do I. We'll figure it out together."

Peet sent her a questioning look as realization dawned on his face. "I just assumed that you and Gale had…"

"No. I told you before that he and I were never a couple." She frowned.

He smiled. "I won't lie and say that doesn't make me happy." More quietly he asked, "Why are you doing this?"

Katniss dropped her hands and walked over to the couch to sit down. She slid out of her high heeled sandals and rested her feet on the coffee table, then stared at her painted toenails.

She leaned her head back on the couch and closed her eyes _._ "You know those things you said…those things you dream? I dream things too. I dream about you with your hands on me. I dream about us kissing. I can't even describe some of the things I dream about: hands and lips and skin on skin. It makes me crazy. I don't want them, but I can't seem to make the dreams to go away."

Peet's whisper made Katniss open her eyes and meet his gaze. "That's the difference between you and me: I do not want my dreams of you to end." His eyes looked sad. He paused as if gathering his courage, then said resolutely, "I am not going to do this on Prom night. It is the ultimate teenage cliché'."

He got up and left the room, leaving Katniss to wonder if she had finally pushed him away for good.

He returned a few minutes later dressed in pajama bottoms and a t-shirt.

"Should I…do you want me to go? I was hoping to stay here, if you'll let me. I don't want to go home tonight. Prim…she's going to be pretty upset." Katniss picked at her skirt, knowing she was pushing the limit of what Peet would tolerate.

Peet smirked. "You don't need to leave. If you want to borrow a pair of my sweats, they're in the second drawer and t-shirts are hanging in my closet. Did you want tea?"

"Yes, please. Could I get some help with the zipper? Prim had to help me get dressed and I didn't think…" Katniss flushed. She showed Peet where the zip was located on the side of her dress. She tried to ignore the feel of his hands skimming over her newly exposed skin. She bit her lip and refused to meet his eyes.

Katniss and Peet drank their tea while they watched late night television. By the time they were both tired, they had established an uneasy truce where they both ignored what had occurred earlier.

"Should I sleep upstairs?" Peet yawned and asked.

Katniss shook her head, hiding behind a curtain of hair.

Peet off the television grabbed a blanket and motion for her to lie down. Katniss immediately curled up with her arms wrapped tightly around him. It felt good just to be close to him. She wondered sleepily if he had meant the things he said earlier. She wondered if he regretted telling her.

"Katniss, you looked really beautiful tonight." Peet mumbled.

"Mmmhmmm. So did you." Katniss murmured back. Their breathing slowed and became more regular. Before both surrendered to sleep, when Katniss was sure Peet was already in the land of dreams, she whispered, "Stay with me?"

She was already asleep when Peet whispered back, "Always."

-o-

Peet's hand was under her shirt. He registered the fact that his hand were not a little bit under her shirt but all the inside it and resting on her breast. Peet felt the realization of the exact geography jolt him all the way to his core and it reminded him of her words last night, _I want your hands on me._ Her skin was warm, her breast the perfect size under his palm. He closed his eyes, trying not to breathe, willing his body to calm down, and hoping that Katniss would not awaken.

He knew the minute she woke because she could feel her heartbeat accelerate beneath his palm.

He reluctantly slid his hand to her ribs with a mumbled apology. She rolled to face him and trailed her own hands up his shirt.

"Payback is only fair," she said. He closed his eyes, feeling her hands on him, breathing deeply so he would not embarrass himself. If he were honest, he would admit that he didn't want her to stop.

When his phone vibrated he was not sure whether to curse or be thankful for the interruption. The caller ID said _Aurelius._

"Peeta, are you there?" Remus Aurelius said without preamble.

"Mr. Aurelius, do you know what time it is?"

"It's early, but I needed to reach you. Your mother is coming back to San Diego today. We're not sure if she is coming to see your or what her plans are, but you need to be ready."

Peet sat up – he needed to be fully focused on the conversation. "Today?"

"Her flight lands at 11 am. You have 4 hours to do whatever you need to do to feel safe. My recommendation is that you get out of the house."

After Peet said goodbye to Remus, he sat staring at the black screen of the television

"Your Mom?" Katniss sat up next to Peet, fixing her rumpled t-shirt and brushing her hair back from her face.

"I'm not going to run from her." Peet said.

"Peet, she could really hurt you." Katniss saw the stubborn set of his jaw and knew her words were useless. "Ok. If you're staying to deal with her, then so am I."

Peet turned to look at her. "Katniss, are you crazy? You might get hurt!"

She met his gaze levelly. "If you are willing to risk it, I am not letting you do this alone."

They spent the morning tidying up the house and putting a "Go Bag" of clothes and necessities into Peet's car. Most of his other items had already been moved into storage but his long board and wet suit they put outside Madge's house, just in case. They ate breakfast, watched a movie. As the morning dragged on, Peet became more and more tense.

They were sitting on the couch watching random music videos when they heard the front door open. Katniss was the first to stand when his Mom walked into the room. She noticed how the older woman's eyes widened and then narrowed when she saw Katniss was with Peet. Katniss could not help but feel a shiver of foreboding go up her spine.

A man followed Peet's Mom into the house. He wore a red and white Hawaiian shirt with jeans and sneakers. His artificially dark hair was slicked back and a silver cap on one of his canine teeth glistened when he smiled. When he and Peet's Mom walked over to Peet, Katniss noticed a diamond the size of a robin's egg on Peet's Mom's finger.

"What is that slut doing in my house?"The glare directed at her from the older woman was palpable. Her escort put a hand on her arm and whispered something in her ear. Katniss could see the play of emotions running across her face: whatever he said, it seemed to calm her. She quietly assessed her son and the girl standing next to him and seemed to come to some sort of decision on how to play the scene for maximum effect.

She walked over to Peet. "Peeta, how are you?" His mother reached out to grab Peet's face. Peet flinched. Katniss already wanted to pounce on her.

Peet cleared his throat. "Mom this is Katniss Everdeen. I believe you have already met." Katniss met his Mom's icy stare. "I see you brought a friend with you as well?"

Melinda Mellark's expression changed from one of contempt to one of triumph. "Ah, yes. Peeta, this is Carlos Nieve. He is your new stepfather."

"Hello, son." Carlos seemed to hiss the "s" sound. "I've heard so much about you. And Miss Everdeen, I am equally delighted to meet you."

Peet's face drained of all color. Katniss put her arm around his waist to reassure him. It was the only way to make sure that he did not fall down.

-o-

Later, Remus Aurelius met Peet at Haymitch's house.

"Did you know that she remarried?" Peet asked Remus.

"We just found out today. It appears it just occurred yesterday. Carlos Nieve is her lawyer as well as her new husband."

"Remus, what's going on? Is she going to try to take more than the house?" Peet's eyes were full of concern.

"She may try. The trust is a strong one, though, and you and your brothers are over eighteen. We believe it will hold up to a fight." Remus paused as if all of his news was not good. "Peeta, graduation is next week."

Peet nodded. "She said she wants me out of the house so she can start staging it for sale." He looked like he had been sucker-punched.

"We warned you that this day was coming." Remus said, quietly. "You can travel after graduation ceremonies until classes start next fall, or you can rent something here. You have options, Peeta."

"I know. I just didn't think it would really happen – not this fast." Peet ran his hand through his hair.

Remus patted him on the hand. "I know. But we are here to help you. You have lots of support." He looked pointedly at Prim and Katniss, who were hovering in the kitchen and trying to hide their eavesdropping. "If you haven't started thinking about what you want to do after graduation, you should start."

Peet could feel his world it only a few hours ago that he and Katniss had woken tangled up in each other? By the look on her face, he could tell she was already preparing to bolt again, scared off probably by the reality of his uncertain future. Hell, he wouldn't stick around to watch if he were her either.

-o-

_Graduation._ It hit Katniss like a load of bricks when Remus mentioned it. Her plans were set for the summer and beyond: work, take care of her family. Keep all of the basics covered. Her life, if there was one beyond that, would take second seat to Prim getting through high school and getting into a good college. Katniss hand not thought about Peet, though. What were his plans? They had never talked about them. Katniss knew what would happen, though. It was the same thing that happened to everyone she cared about: _He would leave._ She had to protect herself from the hurt she knew would come.

-o-

"Hey, Katniss!" Madge yelled over the throng of excited graduates, "Are you coming to my graduation party?"

Katniss pushed her way to her friend. "I'm not sure yet. Prim wanted to have dinner just the three of us. I'll try to stop by later?"

Madge nodded. "K. I'll see you, right? I want to thank you properly for inspiring me to be myself and go for what I want."

Katniss looked from Madge to Streeter, who had come up behind the glowing redhead. "I doubt that was because of me. I think you just both just needed a little encouragement."

The girls hugged. Katniss watched the happy couple walk off together. For a moment, she envied them their uncomplicated relationship. Then she remembered that relationships led to hurt and straightened her shoulders: it was time to go find Peet.

-o-

They walked past the For Sale Sign on Peet's house, past Madge's house, where the music was loud and people spilled from the patio onto the sand. When they reached the cliffs and had a little privacy, they sat. Although they were close to one another, neither of them touched. They stared out at the water.

"How is living with Johanna?" Katniss asked. Peet had moved in with Johanna since Emma only had one bedroom.

"It's like having the older sister I never wanted." Peet laughed. The two fell silent. "So, what now?" Peet asked Katniss.

Katniss shrugged. "I don't know. What are your plans?"

_The house is for Sale. Gale is coming home for the summer, I bet. We still haven't really talked through Prom night. This is going to get out of control pretty fast._ "I don't have any. I was accepted to UCSD in the fall. I guess I was going to work at the bakery for the summer, then go from there. What about you?"

"Haymitch's. Somebody needs to keep Prim out of trouble."

"I'm pretty sure that Prim can keep herself out of trouble." Peet laughed, then asked more softly, "Katniss…what about…us?"

Katniss laughed lightly, a crisp, fake sound. "I doubt that our crazy physical attraction is going to survive college or real life."

"You're saying that it wasn't real? I thought…especially after Prom, I thought that…you felt something." Peet shook his head as if to clear it. His eyes were sad. "I thought that I was finally beginning to tell real from not real with you. I guess I was wrong."

She could feel him looking at her but she refused to meet his eyes. "I guess so."

Peet's heart pounded as he stared at the confounding girl sitting next to him. _She's never going to let you in, Mellark. You'll never be worth it to her. Let her go._ Another part of him chided, _How can you let go what you never really had in the first place?_

Finally, he sighed and stood up. "OK. Well, I guess this is it, then. Thanks for the wild roller coaster ride senior year, Katniss Everdeen. It should be a great one for the memory book someday."

The sound of the waves kept Katniss company for a long time after he walked away.


	13. Epilogue One: A Year Later

A year passed. Prim started her senior year and got her first tattoo – a butterfly on her left shoulder blade. Katniss suffered the event as graciously as she could, her stomach only giving a little twinge every time Prim wore a tank top. She even listened to Prim describe how much Rory loved kissing it without blowing up at her.

Sometimes she was sure Prim purposely antagonized her.

Streeter and Madge broke up. Streeter went to surf in Hawaii and Australia while Madge pursued a degree in Business Administration from USC. Cato, Katniss heard from Prim, joined a fraternity at UCLA and then had trouble maintaining his grades.

Katniss dabbled in some accounting classes and learned about new polymers being used in automobile design. She learned how to repair electric cars. She and Gale tried to make a go of dating and quickly realized how much alike they were. They parted awkwardly and Gale moved to San Francisco where he worked as a Marketing associate for a software start-up company. She sold the picture of Peet and the dolphin to secure Prims' future and, although she kept a copy of the magazine, she never looked at it. The pain was too great.

All was right for her on most levels: she coasted through her life with a minimum of effort. Work was good, her pictures commanded higher prices. She did freelance work periodically for Ted Streeter, travelling sometimes with him to places where he needed extra hands on shoots. Haymitch and Prim were amenable because it got her out of the house.

She avoided all things connected to Peet: the beach, his house, and the bakery were all painful zones of regret. She barely visited the beach for anything but pictures. Even then, she made sure to visit parts she had not explored previously. She avoided walking by his house, even to visit Madge when she was home on break. She heard it took a while to sell based on the asking price and a new family lived there. She hoped that they were happy. Visiting the bakery was completely out of the question because it smelled so much like him that even working at Haymitch's was painful for the first six months after he left.

She never entertained thoughts of getting in touch with him. He was as good as dead to her: untouchable as an angel.

She dreamt of him. Often there were nightmares. In some, she watched him walk away only to chase him and never catch up. In another, she looked and looked for him but was unable to find him. In yet another, she was able to locate him but she was invisible to him. She often woke from these with tears still wet on her face, Prim shaking her shoulder furiously. But the dreams that had her afraid to go to sleep most were the ones where she remembered his hands, his lips and the feel of their limbs tangled together while his smell surrounded her. On nights when he visited her like that, she woke silently with a longing so strong that she was usually unable to fall back to sleep. She often ended up roaming the house until the morning light gave her an excuse to get dressed and greet the day.

**-December-**

Christmas made thoughts of him appear unbidden and she became sullen and surly, even with Prim. Dark circles appeared under her eyes. She lost weight. She gave up on her self-imposed Mellark's exile, visiting the bakery just to breathe in the familiar scent. Once there, she bought shortbread cookies that she could not bring herself to eat. Instead, crumbling them between her fingers, she hoped the smell would rub off on her skin and provide some measure of relief.

Katniss stared at the crumbs on her napkin sightlessly.

"Katniss, are you ok?" Emma stood next to her and gave her a look of concern.

Katniss wondered dimly if the jovial woman had been standing there long.

"I was telling you that we are visiting another nursing home this year. I know you didn't come last year, but I thought I would offer again." In the year and a half since Peet had left, Emma Paylor had become a friend. The Everdeen family was always invited to spend holidays with her and Johanna.

Katniss picked up her tea and took a sip, hoping it would clear the lump in her throat. She had not gone with Emma and Johanna last year because the memory of Peet and that night was too tender: how happy he had been, how energized to make cookies and bring joy to other people. It had been a magical night.

"I'm not sure…" Katniss hedged.

"We really missed you and Prim last year. Even Haymitch is welcome!" Emma laughed.

Katniss smiled wistfully. Prim, she knew, would love to participate. Haymitch, on the other hand, had almost zero interest. Still there was a chance of Katniss having the house to herself for the night. "Thank you, Emma. I'll pass it along."

-o-

Katniss threw off the covers after tossing and turning for an hour. All she kept thinking about was last Christmas: Peet under the kissing ball, eyes intense on hers, Peet laughing in the kitchen while he decorated cookies, Peet handing cookies and hugs and smiles out at the rest home. It was like he was everywhere around her: _I hate it. I hate him._ Katniss knew if she finally got to sleep that she would dream of him, so she decided to finish decorating the tree that Prim and Haymitch had brought home earlier that day before they had both, surprisingly, left for Emma's house.

Prim had tried to coerce her sister. Even Haymitch had attempted to bribe her by saying that he would let her drink Johanna's eggnog. In the end, their efforts had been unsuccessful and Katniss had the house to herself. Katniss had thought the silence would be soothing and finally let her relax. It had just led her to another night where the prospect of tossing and turning was too depressing to face.

Katniss stared at the tree, wondering if she should get a step-stool to reach the top or just use a kitchen chair. When she finally decided on a chair and wandered into the kitchen, she discovered a bakery tray sitting on the counter. It was obviously from Mellark's – it had the silver ribbon with the Mellark's logo that she remembered so well. The tray was smaller than a cookie tray and it had some sort of rolls beautifully arranged in a single layer on it. Katniss sighed in relief: Haymitch must have bought them for lunch.

She noticed that the odd tray had a card attached as she was prepping the kettle to make tea. Katniss flipped the card open and her heart plummeted. It read, "I am sorry you are sad." She backed away as if burned. She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. Instead, she went back to bed and pulled the covers over her head. Secure in her hidden nest of blankets in the empty house, she let the tears come.

-o-

It had been a horrible night. Katniss had finally given up her attempts at sleep and gotten dressed well before the sun rose. _Bakeries open early, right?_ She needed to get some answers on the origin of this card, and she couldn't wait. Emma would know if she was dreaming or delusional or if it was some sort of sick joke. Even Haymitch or Prim could have written the card! Katniss did not think that either would do such a thing, knowing how upset it was likely to make her – even Haymitch would not be the cruel.

She knew the front door would not be open for business quite yet, so she walked around the back. The back door was open, the light from within a golden beacon of warmth in the still dark morning. Katniss drew closer. She heard a radio and Johanna giving orders. Katniss knocked loudly.

"Hey, Katniss! You're up early. Come on in." Johanna greeted her, unlocking the door and letting her into the bakery. "Can I get you coffee or something?"

Katniss shook her head. "Thanks, Jo. I'm sorry to come by so early. Something showed up at our house last night and it has me a little freaked out."

Just at that moment, someone walked in from the storeroom hidden by the fifty pound bag of flour he was carrying. "Jo, where do you want it?" A muffled voice said.

"Just put it anywhere. " Johanna looked from Katniss to the visitor, as if considering something. Finally she just said, "Katniss, you remember Peet. I'm sorry, he likes to be called Peeta now. Peeta, this is Katniss."

Katniss stood rooted to the spot as she saw Peet put the bag of flour down on the work surface. She could feel the blood drain from her face as dark spots clouded her vision. The last thing she saw before she fainted was his blue eyes.

Katniss heard bickering as she came to consciousness.

"I can't believe you didn't tell her I was coming back." Peeta said angrily.

Johanna fired back, "It wasn't my job, Baker Boy. You have a brain the size of a cake pop if you thought that sending her a cookie tray and an unsigned note was a good idea."

"How was I supposed to know that she would be this upset?" Peeta said.

Katniss blinked and tried to sit up.

"Whoa. Easy. You collapsed pretty fast. Good thing the floor broke your fall." Johanna said.

"I'm ok. I'm ok." Katniss pushed off Johanna's attempt at help and glared at her.

Johanna shrugged in response as she stood up. "I've got work to do. You kids talk to each other."

Katniss sat staring into space for a minute. _Peet's here. He's right here._ _Is this real?_ She closed her eyes.

"I brought you some tea. It should help clear your head." She stared at him and then took the cup: it was prepared with milk and two sugars, just the way she liked it. Her heart jolted at the thought that he remembered her tea preference.

Thank you." Katniss said.

He nodded in response.

"How long have you been here?" Katniss focused on the steam rising from her cup. She could not look at his eyes or she would be lost.

A week. I've been in the States a little longer than that visiting my brothers. I'm staying with Johanna while I look for a place."

Katniss nodded as if the words made sense. All she could hear was the refrain of _Peet's back_ running through her head. _I've got to get out of here,_ she thought to herself. She put her cup down with a click.

"Well, um,.. thank you for the tea." She got up and brushed herself off.

Katniss looked at him and was struck by how much someone could change and yet still be themselves at the core: Peet _(no, call him Peeta now)_ looked older, more mature. He had a growth of stubble like he hadn't shaved that morning, and his arms were the arms of a baker rather than a high school athlete or surfer. But he was still Peet – the boy who could make her day just by looking at her.

Peeta looked at her sheepishly. It was so much like the looks he used to send her in school that a bolt of pain shot through her heart. "Katniss, I'm sorry about the tray. If I thought it would have freaked you out, I never would have done it."

"I'm not freaked out." Katniss challenged him, all warm thoughts of him vanishing like smoke.

"OK, well, upset…or whatever. I just…it was my way of saying I'm sorry." He rubbed the back of his neck.

-o—

_She's going to run again, Mellark. Take it easy._ He paused while she nodded. When she turned to walk out the back door, he tried to stop her. "Did you try one yet? You should. I think you'll like them." _I created the recipe for you._

She turned back to him, expression unreadable. "What are they?"

"Cheese buns." Peeta said. And then, as if there were some totally hidden meaning behind those two words, he blushed.

They stared at each other, drinking in a good long look. Peeta thought she looked the same – perhaps a little thinner than he remembered, face a little less round, hair a little shorter. Her eyes, though, were just as intense and her scowl was exactly the same. She still made his heart pound.

She gave him a small smile, then left with a wave.

_She smiled at me_ , Peeta thought hopefully. _It's a start._

-o-

"Oh my God." Prim moaned. "These are amazing. If you don't jump him for baking these, Katniss, I might."

Katniss shot her sister a look.

"Prim, are they better than sex? Because if they are, you should leave them for Katniss. Since she's going to be the oldest American virgin, she should have something to look forward to every day." Haymitch laughed, pouring something alcoholic into his coffee.

Prim laughed with him and ate another bite of cheese bun. "Well, now that Peet is back, maybe she could finally change that. Obviously, he still feels something."

Haymitch mussed Katniss's hair, ignoring the daggers shooting out of her eyes. "I would find out where he's been baking his strudel. There is no way that his dough has been rising without being kneaded for the past two years. I already bought you kids a pack of condoms – the next one is up to you."

"Haymitch, you are disgusting." Katniss hissed.

"Yeah, yeah. But I'm still here…" He dropped a kiss on top of her head.

Prim considered her sister. "Are you going to see him?"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

Prim sighed. "Katniss, you've been thinking of him for 2 years. I know that you dream about him – you talk in your sleep. Give yourself a break. Give ME a break."

"Maybe he won't want to see me. "Katniss stared at her shoes, finding them interesting.

Prim snorted. "And all this time I thought guys had the market on dumb cornered. You are the most obtuse woman on the planet, aren't you? He sent you a gift. Obviously, it's an apology. That means that he's thought about you enough to make the effort. What have you done to apologize to him, Katniss? Because I recall that you were a total bitch to him. He deserves at least an apology from you."

At Katniss's pained look, Prim held up both hands in resignation. "OK. I'll back off. Think about it, Katniss: can you live with yourself if you never take a shot?"

-o-

Katniss was lying in the garden, brooding over Prim's words, when a shadow fell across her.

"Hey. I hope you don't mind…Prim let me in." Peet said. "Do you mind if I sit down?"

Katniss squinted up at him. "Can I get you anything?" She asked.

He shook his head. "No. I uh…I just came over to make sure you were ok."

"I'm fine."

Taunt silence stretched between them while wind chimes tinkled.

Peet finally broke the hush by saying, "Do you think that, if I stopped acting so hurt, maybe we could be friends?"

Katniss looked at him in surprise, Prim's words still ringing in her ears. She slowly nodded.

"Good. Then can I ask you for a favor? Johanna's driving me crazy. Will you come house hunting with me?"

She really wanted to spend time with him – she just didn't want him to know that. "Sure, I guess. When?"

"How about now?"


	14. Epilogue: December

Peeta's car was the same one he had before he left. She breathed in deeply of the scent that was simply Peeta, glancing his way periodically to stare at his face: his jaw was stronger, more defined. His shoulders looked broader under his button down shirt. The biggest clue to time having passed was the way he was dressed: instead of jeans, a t-shirt and flip flops, he had upgraded to a collared shirt and scuffed, soft soled shoes. Katniss couldn't believe he was so close that she could touch him. She watched his strong forearms and hands as he shifted gears, watching the play of muscles move underneath the skin. She recalled sharply the feel of those arms around her on Prom night, those hands against her skin.

She closed her eyes to fight the strong tide of emotion and then realized she really did not want to fight it any longer. She was an adult, as was he. The childish games of high school were done. Prim was in her final year of school, her future bright and shining. What was wrong with wanting him? She also realized something that superseded the want: she felt safe.

Katniss Everdeen was interested in a man. Now what was she supposed to do about it?

-o-

They sat in Milton's sharing a celebratory milkshake.

"You should have seen your face when you walked into that one with the brown carpet." Peeta laughed. "I thought you were going to throw up."

"It smelled like cat pee! How could you not have noticed?" Katniss slurped from her straw.

"I noticed. But I was too busy trying not to laugh at you."

Katniss asked, "Are you happy with your choice?" Peeta had settled on a small place that was close to the ocean and the bakery and had great lighting. The kitchen left a little to be desired but even he admitted that his standards were high in that area.

"I am. I was hoping that I could find a roommate. Do you think it's too small?" Peeta asked.

Katniss considered it. "No. Depends on the person, but I think you'll be ok. It only has a bath and a half, though. Prim, Haymitch and I share a bathroom now and it is hell."

Peeta laughed. "I bet. I share with Johanna. Let's just say that I know more about her than I ever wanted to know." Katniss stared at his lips as he sucked whipped cream off a finger, then laughed at the image of Peeta sharing Johanna's bathroom.

"Prim's tattoo is great, by the way." He seemed oblivious to Katniss's stare.

She scowled immediately. "I don't want to talk about the tattoo."

Peeta smirked for a moment. "Katniss, she can't stay a little kid forever. I thought you would have worked through that after the Cato thing." When Katniss just glared at him, he sighed. "What about you and Gale? I figured your guys would be living together by now."

Katniss shook her head. "No. We tried… it didn't work." _Gale accused me of being hung up on you._ She shrugged.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Peeta sounded genuinely contrite.

"What about you? Where did you go? How come you didn't come back with someone?" Katniss felt the question burn all the way down to her stomach.

Peeta said thoughtfully, "I bummed around Europe for a bit, even worked in some patisseries. Evidently the French are very particular about their breads, their language and their daughters dating a fumbling American. I learned the language and a tremendous amount about pastry. I went to Spain and Portugal and Italy too. You should try my malasadas! I do one with a coconut pastry cream…." He realized that she was looking down at the table, not really listening to his description. He finished quietly, "I guess, in the end, no one was special enough to bring back."

"Oh." Katniss stared at the lemon in her iced tea. There had been others. Had she expected him to wait? She had treated him so badly, but he had always just been there for her.

"What about… What about your Mom?" Katniss did not want to bring up a difficult topic.

"We reached an agreement." Peeta's voice was harsher than she had ever heard it. It did not seem to invite more questions on the subject.

He cleared his throat. "So, I was thinking. The apartment is empty and I haven't decorated my own place for Christmas since before my Dad died. You feel up to helping me make it festive? Figure some night this week?" He rubbed the back of his neck.

"I'd like that. Haymitch only tolerates Christmas decorations. " Katniss surprised them both by agreeing. "One year Prim asked him to dress up like Santa for her elementary class and I swear he was drunk over it for a week."

Peeta beamed. "Awesome."

_-o-_

Peeta spent the next few days getting things out of storage and making his place livable. He arranged furniture, hung pictures on the walls—a grouping of the Haymitch Abernathy prints he had found in his Dad's office, and a set of his own framed sketches. He set up a makeshift artist studio in the second bedroom, hoping to start a couple of large oil paintings soon. He unpacked his kitchen and hung the picture of him and his Dad in front of the bakery right over his nook table. Lastly, he baked his first loaf of bread in celebration of his new home.

He brought the bread with him to the bakery so that he could share it with friends. Johanna and Emma had some with their breakfast tea. Prim and Rory came by after school and he offered some to them.

"Peeta, this is really good!" Prim exclaimed.

"Thanks. It's a special loaf, meant to be shared with friends. The nuts and the raisins represent the balance of bitterness and sweetness in life."

Prim broke off another piece and savored it. "Mmm. I don't think it's are as good as the cheese buns you made, though." She giggled when Peet blushed. "I can't believe you still blush. It's so cute. Um… Johanna and Rory and I got you something as a housewarming gift, since it's Christmas."

Peeta looked at the box. "That's sweet. You guys didn't need to do anything."

Johanna broke in, "Sure we did. Especially since Katniss is coming over to decorate the tree. The two of you need all the help you can get."

Peeta sent her a wry look as he opened the box. "You got me a kissing ball? The last time there was mistletoe incident involving Katniss and I, she stormed out."

Prim defended her sister, "She is more mature now."

Johanna snorted, "She is?"

Prim announced definitively, "She is. Now, Peeta, she likes Christmas carols, and twinkle lights and hot chocolate."

"Won't that be obvious…I'm not trying to get her to laugh at me, Prim. She and I are friends, that's all."

Prim shot him a speculative look. "What if she wants more?" She let that sink in. "Peeta, I'm not saying that she's going to jump right in your arms. I just think you should give her a chance to show you that she won't let you go again, but you have to let her take the lead. Let her chase you for a change, that way she won't run away. That's the secret to Katniss: she has to think it's her idea. Trust me."

Peeta just stared at the ball, deep in thought.

-o-

He displayed it as a centerpiece on his nook table. He liked the festive air it gave the place, and it did not have the connotations that were typically associated with mistletoe. There was no way that they could get caught beneath it, for example. All in all, Peet was happy with how things were shaping up. _Friends,_ he thought. _No matter what Prim says._

-o-

Peeta and Katniss lugged twenty bags up the stairs to his new place.

Katniss was laughing as she walked, "You did say I could get anything I want."

Peeta grumbled. "I didn't think about lugging all of the bags upstairs."

Katniss laughed again. "At least I didn't decide to use fairies or princesses as the theme."

"Yeah, as if I was going to let that happen." Peeta opened the door and ushered Katniss in.

"Like you could stop me." Katniss stopped just inside the doorway. "Wow. You've done an amazing job. What are these?" She asked as she walked around the kitchen/living room area and stopped in front of the wall of animal prints.

"Oh, those? I found them in a box in my Dad's office. They're interesting, aren't they? They're from Haymitch Abernathy Studios. Did you know that Haymitch was a photographer?" Peeta deposited the bags on the couch and ottoman.

Katniss stood there and stared at them. "They're mine."

"What?" Peeta was already tangled in Christmas lights and only half paying attention.

Katniss turned to face him. "They're mine. The pictures. I didn't think anyone would buy from a kid, so I made a deal with Haymitch to pretend they were his. Your Dad must have bought them from him, thinking they were Haymitch's."

_Or maybe my Dad suspected all along. Maybe he just wanted to support a little girl who was lost so she could find herself. Dad, if you're up there,_ Peeta thought, _I owe you for so much more than that cookie tray. And that certainly would explain why Mom hates Katniss: she must have suspected how fearless and selfless Katniss was too. Everyone knows the effect she can have except for her._ He felt his heart swell at the thought.

"If you plug those in, it might be easier to arrange them." Katniss said wryly, gesturing to Peeta's tangled light strands.

"OK. You're the expert."

Five hours and an amazing meal of fish tacos with Mexican coleslaw later, the decorating was done and Katniss was so stuffed she could not move. She and Peeta lay on the floor underneath the Christmas tree, looking up through the branches at the shadows the Christmas lights made on the ceiling. Christmas carols played on the stereo.

"I cannot move. I am so stuffed." Katniss said. She was feeling mellow from the food. If she were honest, she was also mellow because of the company; it had been a great night.

"I can't believe you ate two servings of flan. I've never seen you eat like that." Peeta said.

_It's the first time in two years my stomach hasn't hurt._ "I can't believe you made flan." Katniss said. "You know, Mellark, I used to think you were a wuss for caring about food. What's the point? Meals are over and done with so quickly. They are things that don't last."

"I take it you are re-thinking that opinion?"

"MMMhmmm. Totally re-thinking it." Katniss closed her eyes. She could still see the blinking lights even through her eyelids.

"Then just wait until you taste my authentic croissants. They will make you weep."

"Are they better than your cheese buns?" Katniss said drowsily. "Because those are orgasmic." Her breathing evened out as she fell asleep.

Peeta remained frozen, his body suddenly tense and aching: Katniss Everdeen joking about orgasms was too much for his body to take. _Relax. Enjoy the fact that she is here with you. One day at a time, Peeta. You have plenty of time to make an ass of yourself later._

-o-

Katniss stretched slightly, then snuggled into the warmth that surrounded her. She felt a sudden cool draft and made a sound of protest.

"Shhhh." Was the murmured response from Peeta.

"Stay with me." Katniss mumbled. She felt someone stroking her hair and turned her head toward the gentle tugging.

"Always." Peeta replied.

Katniss registered the word as it penetrated her dreams. She blinked slowly.

"Peet?" She asked groggily. "Where am I?"

"I just moved you into the bedroom, so you would be more comfortable."

Katniss sat up. "I should go." Her words lacked motivation.

"Katniss, stay. You're beat and it's after midnight. We're both up early. I'll take the couch."

"I don't want to kick you out of your bed. We should just share it." They both stared at each other in the dimly lit room.

"Ok." Peeta finally said. "Let me give you something to change into so you'll be more comfortable."

Five minutes later the two of them were as far away from each other as possible on the bed. Katniss felt the cool air against her back and felt lonelier than she had in the entire last year.

Peeta broke the silence. "Thank you for today, Katniss. It was a great day."

"You still make it so easy to be around you." She hesitated. "Peet?"

"Mmmm?"

"Would you mind, maybe… um…would you hold me? Just until I fall asleep? I have nightmares." Katniss did not want to sound like she was begging, but she was pretty sure that she would never get back to sleep without his arms around her

Peeta moved over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Katniss, go to sleep. I'm here and I'm not leaving."

She nodded drowsily, content.

-o-

Katniss and Peeta developed a routine: most days they were apart, but at least one night a week they ended up asleep at his place. Prim was happy for her and even more thrilled to get the bedroom to herself some of the time. Haymitch demonstrated remarkable restraint – probably because there was a steady flow of cheese buns keeping his mouth full – and kept most snarky comments to himself. Johanna, on the other hand, saw something was not quite right with their new relationship.

It was several months into the new arrangement when Johanna and Peeta were working alone one morning. Peeta was whistling to the radio and kneading some of their artisan pumpernickel rye while Johanna frosted some pink cupcakes for a birthday party the next day. They were a new recipe, meant to cash in on the cupcake craze and filled with raspberry jam and Bavarian cream. The final product would be wrapped in a zebra print cupcake paper.

"Peet, can you hand me the edible glitter?" Johanna was going to dust them with a silver glitter, since the birthday's color scheme was silver and pink. Peeta handed her the glitter with a smile.

She looked at his smile suspiciously. "OK. What gives?"

Peeta just raised his eyebrow and shook his head.

"You're walking around on sunshine but Katniss seems normal. Frankly, the fact that she can walk at all is a bad sign. What's going on?"

"Nothing, Jo."

"Nothing? I have it on good authority from Prim that she's doing the walk of shame at least once a week. And I can see how that would make you smile, but she is still way too scowl-y. So, you are either not sleeping together, or you don't know what you're doing in bed. "

"Jo!" Peeta laughed. "My Dad taught me that a gentleman does not kiss and tell."

Johanna walked around him, surveying him with narrowed eyes. "Come to think of it, you don't look tired enough to be getting any. And since you grew up with two brothers whom I have personally heard give you advice that is pretty sound despite their idiocy, I'm going to conclude that you haven't made a move on her yet. Which begs the question – what are you waiting for?"

"I'm taking my time." Peet defended.

"Taking your… are you crazy? Johanna shook her head. "She doesn't want that, despite what Prim says."

"Jo, no offense, but you and Katniss are nothing alike."

"We may not be anything alike, but let me put this out there for you: You had this intense night where she wanted to sleep with you and you told her no. She broke up with you shortly after that. You left for two years, came back and now are supposedly happy with a platonic relationship which consists of shopping, gourmet dinners and cuddling. Are you sure she doesn't think you're gay?"

"What?" Peeta looked startled.

"Relax. I know you're not – my gay-dar is really well honed. But if you're not, then what are you doing? Do you want to be her friend in the long run? No? Then stop trying so hard to be her shopping buddy or her roommate or whatever it is you are trying for. Lean in and kiss her – make some sort of move before she permanently thinks of you as emasculated, or worse – completely uninterested."

Peeta closed his eyes. "Jo, I can't. I'm terrified that I will drive her away again. And Prim said…"

"I know what Prim said. But there's a difference between letting her lead and never even asking her to dance. You have to give her some encouragement."

"Katniss is…I want her so much. She's all I've ever wanted. Sending her the right signals without getting carried away might be tough."

Johanna laughed. "Oh, Peeta. You're more careful than any guy I've ever met. Personally, I would recommend that you show her that you think of her like a ripe, juicy peach and see what she does with that. The worst that will happen is that you will only last about two seconds. Just wear a condom, you'll last longer."

"A ripe…juicy…peach?" Peeta burst out laughing.

Johanna glared at him. "Laugh now, brainless. Trust me. You pay her a little bit of the right attention and she's so pent-up… I bet my vibrator that she loses control long before you do."


	15. Epilogue: May

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut alert.

Katniss Everdeen was drunk. She giggled as she wobbled out to Madge's car. "Madge, you are the best friend ever."

"Katniss, I think you're tipsy." Madge threw her arm around her friend and maneuvered her into the passenger seat.

"I am! How come you're not?" Katniss rolled her head to look at her friend.

Madge laughed. "It's your birthday, that's why you're drunk and I'm not. I stopped drinking over an hour ago because I'm driving."

"You really are a great friend." Katniss closed her eyes.

"Thanks. Are you going to puke? You need to tell me if you're going to puke and I'll pull over." Madge pulled onto the freeway. Several miles passed in silence and Madge assumed that Katniss had fallen asleep.

"Madge, remember when you said I could have anything I wanted for my birthday?"

"Yeah. You said you wanted to go out." Madge glanced at her friend. Katniss's head was still thrown back against the headrest, her hair escaping the confines of her French braid in loose tendrils.

"I thought of something else. Take me to Peet's." Katniss sighed.

"What? Katniss, it's after midnight. Doesn't he have to be up early?"

"Don't care. Take me there." Katniss mumbled.

"Let me pull over and we can call him." Madge said.

"No. Madge, take me there. I'm not so drunk that I can't deck you. Besides, if you take me home, I'll just take Haymitch's car and head there myself." Katniss's words lacked fire, but Madge heard the truth behind them. She knew that she couldn't allow her friend behind the wheel of a car in her condition.

She sighed heavily."Katniss, I'll pull up to the curb and we can call him from there. If he doesn't want you upstairs or doesn't answer, we can go home, right?"

"Deal." Katniss nodded.

Madge parked outside of Peeta's building and shut off her lights. "Katniss, give me your phone."

"No."

"What do you mean, 'no'? You are as stubborn as a mule, you know that? You said--."

Katniss opened her door and tumbled out. Before Madge could even undo her seatbelt, she had righted herself and bolted up the stairs to Peeta's door. Madge barely had time to curse how fast Katniss was before Katniss knocked boldly on the door, weaving from foot to foot. Madge decided to just wait down by the car. Her job now, she hypothesized, was to pick up the pieces if Peet did not let Katniss in.

-o-

Peeta was baking a new bread recipe as a distraction from thinking about Katniss. Ever since his conversation with Johanna earlier in the year, thoughts of Katniss in compromising positions darkened his waking hours as well as his dreams. He was so wound up over her that it was almost at the point where she was going to have to stop sleeping over or he wouldn't be held responsible for his actions. He loved waking up with the smell of her on his skin but he wanted more and it was driving him crazy.

Peet heard the pounding on his door and glanced at the kitchen clock. _It's after midnight! This better be important._ He opened the door and Katniss tumbled into the room. He caught her in his arms and helped her to her feet.

"Oh my God. Katniss, are you ok? Are you hurt?" Her shoes were nowhere to be found, her skirt was hiked high up on her thighs and her hair was askew. She looked like she had just been in an accident.

Katniss looked up at him owlishly and smiled a big, goofy grin. "I'm good. Great. Good. Can I say here?"

A sense of relief flooded through him, quickly followed by the realization that she was drunk. "Here. Sit down. Where are your shoes?" Peeta sat her on the couch and tried not to stare at her legs.

Katniss shut her eyes and waved her hand toward the door. "Madge."

Peeta sighed and walked to the door. He could see Madge standing next to a car and waved at her, then walked downstairs.

"Peet, is this ok?" Madge asked tentatively.

He ran his hands through his hair. "Yeah. She's pretty drunk."

"Yeah. Sorry. She was so insistent that she come here… let me give you her shoes and purse. I'll let Prim know that she's safe and with you."

"Thanks, Madge."

"Peet! Wait a second." Madge swallowed. "Katniss said something about wanting to come here as her birthday gift. I'm not sure what she has in mind…just…just be careful, ok?"

Peeta frowned. _Great. A tempting and temperamental Katniss who won't even know what she's doing._ Judging by the reaction of the bottom half of his body, Peeta knew it would not just be Katniss plotting against him.

"Thanks for the warning, Madge. Drive safely."

He resolutely trudged upstairs to find Katniss sprawled on the sofa with her arm covering her eyes. He tried to keep his eyes off of her skirt and the edge of her black panties just visible underneath. _Easy, Mellark. Take it easy._ _She's probably asleep._

The oven timer buzzed. He went into the kitchen, washed his hands and pulled the bread from the oven. The bread was a pleasing golden color, the braid perfectly shaped. He hoped that tomorrow when it was cut it would have the perfect blend of citrus, ginger and golden raisin flavor. He straightened the dishtowels, and shut off the kitchen light, returning to the living room with a glass of water to find Katniss where he had left her on the couch.

She sat up at his urging and took a greedy gulp of water. "What are you making?"

"A new citrus ginger loaf with raisins."

"Mmm. Sounds good. Aren't you warm? It's really warm in here."

Peet watched two droplets of water trickle down the column of her throat as Katniss held the glass to it. Now that she mentioned it, he did feel a little warm. He gulped as he watched the two droplets disappear below her silver sequined tank top.

"Let me cool you off…" He was not quick enough to avoid her fingers, damp from the outside of the glass, as they reached under the hem of his t-shirt.

"Hey!" he yelped as if burned when her cool hand brushed his lower abdomen. Her throaty laugh made his muscles tighten even more. "Maybe it is hot in here."

He walked over to the sliding doors, taking a gulp of ocean air. He felt rather than heard her come up behind him – even drunk she was quiet. He braced himself for the touch he knew was coming and was not disappointed. Katniss slid her hands under his shirt and around him, pressing the side of her face against his back in an awkward reverse hug.

"Katniss, you're drunk." He covered her hands with his almost as if he was hugging her back.

"Uh huh. It's my birthday. Did Madge tell you? And I'm supposed to get a wish for my birthday."

Peeta could feel her warm breath through his shirt. It sent little shivers up and down his spine as he remembered Prom night and being in almost the same position. He smiled at the memory. "Oh? And what did you wish for?" Katniss moved her hands off of him and he foolishly felt bereft at the loss.

"Peet, I'm so tired of always being responsible. Of taking care of people. Of worrying about everything. Aren't you? You always do the right thing - Peeta Mellark, the good boy. It's exhausting, isn't it?" Peeta turned around to find Katniss sitting with her legs crossed demurely. She patted a spot next to her on the leather ottoman that doubled as a coffee table.

He sat next to her. "I'm not always good. Besides, so are you." He bumped her shoulder in a friendly way. "You're the one who took care of Prim. You even took care of me. So, is your wish to be bad?" He tried to sound lighthearted but his gut was tightening in anticipation: a bad Katniss was going to be a force to be reckoned with.

She seemed to be staring right through him, then blinked to bring him back into focus. She was quiet another moment. "Nope. My wish isn't to be bad."

Peet barely had time for a brief surge of hope.

With a burst of energy, she straddled him. Peet tried not to think about the fact that her skirt was now hiked up to her waist. She looped her arms around his neck and leaned her forehead against his. He couldn't help but close his eyes and feel her breath on his face, the heat of her against his groin. His hands twitched with restraint.

He almost lost control completely when she whispered, "My wish isn't to be bad. My wish is for you to be."

He opened his eyes in time to see her draw away from him. She raised her arms over her head and arched her back away from him. Peet was acutely aware at how this moved her hips closer to his and how her breasts were offered up, along with a tantalizing glimpse of her belly button. He told himself that he wanted to make sure she didn't fall backwards and that was why he brought his hands up hold her in place. What he wanted was to draw her to him and kiss her naked flesh.

She arched more fully away from him. "My birthday wish is to make you lose control: to make you want to be bad." She languorously returned her face to his. "I want to make you ache."

And then she kissed him.

-o-

 _I am finally kissing Peeta Mellark again._ Katniss moved her lips over his, making sure he never quite had enough time to come up for air. Peeta had always been the instigator of their kisses before, so this feeling of power was novel for Katniss. She deepened the kiss, licking at his tongue and sucking his bottom lick into her mouth. She was afraid that he might have some reason for stopping and she did not want to stop. She could feel the heat of him through her clothes, smell the sweat and flour on his skin.

Her hands fumbled under his shirt, seeking out the planes of his abdomen and chest. She gripped his arms and shoulders as she moved against him, trying to get closer, grinding greedily. Finally, she knew she needed air. _Mine_ , she thought, _he is mine. Do not let him think._

She broke the kiss sloppily and quickly removed her shirt. Peeta seemed too shocked to do anything, so she took his hands and brought them to her breasts. She cupped them around her, trying to get his fingers to stroke her. Just the thought of his hands on her filled her with a rush of heat, though, and she moved her hips urgently against his. Her mouth quickly found his again and she felt his fingers begin to move, tentatively stroking her of their own volition. She was so shocked at his exploration that she froze, simply concentrating on the feel of his callused hands against her skin.

He broke the kiss. Katniss began to panic, sure that he had some excuse to stop. She was even more shocked and rocked harder against him as he swapped a hand for his mouth, suckling gently at her breast. Katniss could do nothing but grip his hair as his tongue stroked her and his stubble scraped her sensitive skin. The rush of it – the power of Peet touching her – was almost her undoing. She made a mewling noise in the back of her throat.

She clawed for control. _No. This is about him. I want him._

_-o-_

Peeta couldn't believe this was happening: he could feel her hands in his hair, feel her breath coming in little gasps. Most importantly, he could taste the salt and citrus of her skin, proving that it was no dream. He ached for her. He moved his mouth from one breast to the other, plucking and kneading and rolling her pebbled nipples between his fingers. He discovered that she seemed to like it when he used his teeth on her; gripping his hair more tightly, gasping more loudly. Nothing on earth could pull him away from feeling her against him and hearing the noises she made. This was headier stuff than any wet dream he had as a teenager, better than any fantasy.

He felt a subtle shift in her weight as Katniss took a deep breath and then pushed him down to his back. Peeta immediately protested and tried to sit up – he had not been the second place wrestling champion for nothing – but Katniss restrained him by putting her hands on his chest. He watched her face for signs of distress. _Did I hurt her? Shock her?_ She was flushed, her eyes glowing like a wild animal's.

Katniss shook her head as if to clear it. In a fluid movement she pushed his shirt up his chest and leaned over him to pay him the same attention he had shown to her. She trailed her hands along his abdomen and up his chest, circling and plucking at his nipples with her nails. Her mouth, open and wet, followed her hands along the ridges of his abdomen. She used her teeth on him, nipping and nibbling her way until she could hear the rumble of a groan underneath her mouth.

He closed his eyes as he felt her warm, wet lips move across the planes of his abdomen. He hissed when she touched him through his shorts and she seemed to take notice of it, leisurely touching him through the fabric. He almost came undone as her small, cool hands freed him so she could trace her mouth along his length. _I am going to hate myself tomorrow,_ he thought.

It was his last lucid though as her hair tickled his stomach and she continued to feast on him. He could hear the wet sounds of her mouth and his own heavy breathing. His hips coiled to push further into her mouth and he could feel her hands cupping him. His shaking hands rose to gently hold her head as the combination of feather light hair caressing him and warm, supple lips beckoned him to surrender.

Peeta caught his breath for a moment afterward. He caressed his hands through her hair, trying to convey his appreciation for her. He felt her lay her chin on his stomach and opened his eyes to find Katniss had a self-satisfied, lopsided grin on her face.

She fairly purred against his sweat-moistened skin, "Mission accomplished."

Peeta cocked an eyebrow in her direction, looking at her naked flesh. _I seriously am going to hate myself in the morning. But if she thinks that was me being bad and losing control…_ Peeta sat up and lifted Katniss onto his lap. He quickly stood and strode to the bedroom. She yelped in surprise when he tossed her on the bed, then giggled when he made short work of their remaining clothing. When he touched her again with his mouth and his hands, she learned exactly how bad Peeta Mellark could be.

And she loved it.

-o—

"Oh, my God, Peet! Were you in a fight?" Emma's voice was full of concern the next day. Peeta had been moving slowly since he got to work that morning, which Emma had noted. She had to say something about his condition, though, when but she saw the scratches on his back.

Peeta flushed, which had Emma confused and made Johanna chortle with laughter. "Ohh-ho… I think Peeta finally got his cake iced." Johanna came up and put her arm around him. "Anyone we know?"

"Jo, that's not funny." Emma chided. "It looks like he got into an argument with a badger. Are you sure you don't need something so those scrapes don't get infected?"

"Yeah, Peet… did you make sure that she had her rabies shot? Looks like she went all 'animal' on you. I hope you treated her like a ripe, juicy peach, after all!" Johanna winked at him.

Peet closed his eyes to recall when he felt Katniss lose control under his hands and tongue somewhere in the early morning. He supposed that it qualified as a juicy peach moment, even if he would never admit it to Johanna.

Jo laughed again, correctly interpreting his silence. "Works every time. Where is she now?"

"A gentleman..."

"I know, I know. A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. Please tell me that she's not at your place? Alone?"

"What was I going to do, Jo? Call in sick?" Peet attacked a mound of dough, kneading it with vigor.

"Are you crazy? You know she's going to get cold feet, right? Unless we're not talking about Katniss. We are talking about Katniss?"

Peet nodded grimly and continued his attack on the dough. He knew there was a good chance that Katniss would wake up and freak out. He also knew that was a chance he had to take: he couldn't spend every moment with her, no matter how much he wanted to.

Jo walked over to him and put a hand on his arm. "Peet, I'm being serious: you need to go home and talk to her before she locks you out of her heart again. Plus, you can barely stand and you're likely to cut off your hand in the bread slicer - then there will paperwork and an increase in our liability insurance… Go. You won't be any good to us here."

Pet seemed to weigh her words, then hugged her. "Thanks, Jo. I owe you."

"Yeah, yeah. Don't forget it at Christmas time."

-o-

Katniss woke with cotton mouth, feeling as though she had been hit by a truck. It seemed that every muscle in her body hurt. _What I wouldn't give for some Gatorade,_ she thought.

She stretched gingerly and opened her eyes to find herself in Peeta's bed, alone and naked. _Oh my God. It was real!_ She brushed her hair back from her face, vaguely recalling Peeta unbraiding it so he could spread it out on his pillow before they…before they…she hid her face in her hands. Was that really her? Her skin tingled where his stubble had left marks on her skin. She also spied one set of bite marks. She vaguely recalled begging him to bite her and keening when he had.

She closed her eyes. _I've got to get out of here._

She was walking down the beach in record time with the intent on getting as far away from Peeta's as possible. Finally, she tired and sank to the sand. She wrapped her hands around her knees and laid her head down. _What happens now?_

For two years she had dreamt of Peeta returning. If she were honest with herself, she had wanted him for far longer than those two years. Last night had been a crazy night where she had thrown herself at him. She had certainly pushed him to be something that he was not. What if she had scared him away? What if he left again? What if he didn't care about her? _I can't lose him again._

"Katniss? Are you ok?" Peeta asked.

Katniss looked up at him, startled that her thoughts had seemed to conjure him. She blinked away the tears that glistened in her eyes.

Peet saw them anyway. "Hey now, hey… What's going on?" Peet sat next to her. He handed her a paper cup and a Mellark's bag. "I brought you some breakfast. I thought you might be hungry."

She took the cup gratefully. "What's in the bag?"

"Not until you tell me why you're upset." Peet said.

Katniss took a sip of her tea and peeked at him over the lid. "I'm not upset."

Peet shrugged. "OK. We'll pretend you're just hung over. Do you want the double chocolate muffin, or the pumpkin with sanding sugar on top?"

"Pumpkin, please." Katniss watched him as she took small bites of her muffin. "You're acting awfully normal."

Peet licked his fingers. "How should I be acting?"

"I don't know. Shouldn't you be mad at me?" Katniss could see the red welt of a scratch below his shirt hem. "I barged in and threw myself at you."

Peet nodded and grinned. "Yep, you did."

Katniss blushed and glared at him. She wished that her hair were down so that she had something to hide behind. She could not fathom why he wasn't yelling at her: last night she had forced him to become someone that he was not.

"The last time you broke up with me was on a beach. Do you remember? I was so hurt that I arranged a trip to Europe. I got lost for two years, trying to forget you – trying to think of you as a monster." Peet's blue eyes were focused on the horizon.

Katniss bowed her head to hide the tears that were gathering in the corners of her eyes. _I remember._ _I wish I could forget that I could live ten thousand lifetimes and not deserve you._

"Once I realized that I was just as much to blame as you were for that breakup, I vowed I would never let you push me away again. So let me be crystal clear with what I say next. When it comes to what happened last night, you might have shown up at my place. You might have even made the first move. However, last night beat every fantasy I have ever had about you and me, which is impressive since there are quite a few. I woke up exactly where I want to be for the rest of my life, with the woman I want to spend it with. So I don't see how that's supposed to make me mad."

"But I made you into something you're not!" Katniss yelled.

"You made me into someone who was unafraid to show you how much he loves you. I don't see how that's a bad thing, unless I hurt you. I've always been afraid of hurting you. I'm so much bigger that you are."

Peeta held out his hand, turning it so that Katniss could look at its size. Katniss gulped, remembering the effect of that very talented hand on her body.

"Katniss, I've loved you since I was twelve years old. I still love you. If you want to go back to just being friends, it will be hard but I can do that. If you decide last night was so amazing you want to move in with me, I can do that. I've only ever wanted to be close to you. Whatever that means, however that works, as long as you don't shut me out again, I can do it. You did not change a thing except that I was finally able to show you how I feel."

When Katniss was still silent, he sighed and asked quietly. "Tell me why you came over last night."

She stared out at the water. _Do I believe him? Prim would tell me that it's time to take another chance._ Peeta had not rejected her, ever. Maybe it was time to trust him and reach for what she wanted by showing him the darkest fear she had.

"Do you remember Prom night? I wanted you and you pushed me away." When Peeta opened his mouth to speak, she held up a hand. "No, please. Let me get this out. You pushed me away. And I thought it was another example of how I was not good enough for you. You sent me that tray when we were kids and it literally changed my life. It gave me hope that there were people who could care about me. Who wouldn't see me as a waste of time. I watched you with your bruises and your kind eyes and I hated whoever was doing that to you and I felt worthless for not stopping it. I despised myself. I thought that I couldn't take care of you because I had my hands full with Prim and myself. Every time I met your eyes, I felt like you were calling me a liar for not helping you. You had helped me."

"And eventually Prom came and it was like you were proving to me that I was right – I was worthless. So I rejected you. I told myself you were going to leave anyway because you had seen how I really was. I thought I was setting you free to find someone else – someone who deserved you."

"What does all that have to do with last night?"

Katniss looked at his dear face and his blue, blue eyes, trying to memorize everything about him. "Last night I decided to bring you down to my level. I thought that, if I could make you selfish instead of always looking out for others, that I could be worthy of you. We would finally be equals. Instead, all it did was make me feel horrible for trying to make you something you're not. And I'm terrified you'll leave again now that you've seen the real me."

Peeta looked into her eyes. He could see the sincerity in their depths. He tried to see things from her point of view.

"Katniss, you think I'm some sort of saint. I assure you, that's not true. I want you. I've wanted you since I went through puberty and I knew what wanting was. I've been trying to figure out how to have you stay over one night a week and still keep my hands off of you. And you say you're selfish? Last night, you were giving in some many ways that it just blew my mind. I've never felt anything like that."

Peeta ran his fingers through his hair _._ "All of my life, I've heard how worthless I am. My Mom thinks I'm weak for being kind and my Dad was unable to stop her from telling me at every opportunity. I used to watch you and think you could do anything you set your mind to – you were invincible! I couldn't even defend myself against my Mom, how could I ever deserve you? I was selfish in trying to get to know you, knowing that you were out of my league. When you kept pushing me away, I assumed it's because you saw that I would never be up to your standards. When you pushed me away, I thought that you had finally realized how much I did not deserve you. I used the excuse of my Mom to walk away. I was a coward."

They were both silent for a moment and then Peet started to laugh.

"What?" Katniss looked at him.

"You don't think it's funny that neither of us thinks we're worthy of the other? That we're actually afraid of the same thing?" Peeta laughed again and Katniss finally joined in.

"I love your laugh." Peeta said with a smile on his face.

"You're using the four letter l word a lot today, Mellark." Katniss said, suddenly shy.

Peeta smiled as he reached for a tendril of her hair. "That's how I feel today, Everdeen. And while we're on the subject, I love your lips and your teeth. And oh my God, that tongue of yours is just wicked." He winked at her.

Katniss blushed.

Peeta used her hair to reel her in toward him. When her lips were very close to his, he said, "I love you, Katniss Everdeen." He leaned in and moved his lips against hers tenderly. He finally pulled back so he could see her face. "Last night felt like a dream for me."

"Oh, I think we both have the bite marks to prove it was real." Katniss said wryly. Then she quietly said, "Me too. Do you really have fantasies about the two of us…together?"

"Yes." Peeta nodded.

They were quiet; the only sound the waves breaking against the shore.

"You came over last night because you wanted me, too. That was real, right?" Peeta asked.

Katniss stared off at the surf and the sunlight glinting off the water. She knew it was time to be completely honest with him. She looked at him and saw the stubble on his face, the tired look in his eyes from their lack of sleep. She saw the kindness and love that she had taken for granted for so long shining back at her.

"No. I came to your apartment last night because I love you."

She took his face in her hands as she slowly and deliberately climbed into his lap. When she was as close to him as she could get while clothed and in public, she put her arms around his neck and kissed him.

_Fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cookies was written for Nanowrimo, in my first attempt to write 50K words in 30 days. I did it, but I still couldn't come up with a good way to end it. I finally decided to edit it somewhat heavily and publish it on FF.
> 
> All typos and grammatical errors are mine. One of the reviewers on ff.net pointed out that there are a lot of them and, for that, I apologize. It was not re-edited before I posted here on A03.
> 
> Plot:
> 
> I love the A/Us and wasn't sure if I could write one. When I needed a Nanowrimo topic, this popped into my head after a breakfast in Solana Beach. I was explaining to my husband that the café where we were eating was the perfect location for Mellark's in my head…and suddenly we were having a conversation about all sorts of baking euphemisms. That later turned into the conversation Peeta has with his brothers at the funeral.
> 
> Process:
> 
> 30 days – 50 K words. Insane.
> 
> Moving On was fully formed and felt tight knit.
> 
> Building the Dream was meandering and like induced labor.
> 
> This was more like a concentrated romp. I had a lot more starts and stops with crazy plot twists in this one where it seemed like I was done with one plot so another needed to start.
> 
> I'm not sure which process I like better. The editing did let me get a feel for the story as I ran it through my hands over and over. I also felt like I could refine dialogue in a better way. 
> 
> Trivia:
> 
> Haymitch's and Mellark's are actually based on a location in Solana Beach. T's Café is located on the Pacific Coast Highway and is across from a converted garage that is now an upscale French chic accessory shop. The converted garage is green. T's has phenomenal breakfasts and I highly recommend it.
> 
> Carlos Nieve is an adaptation of Snow's character. We don't find out what actually happens to Mrs. Mellark and Carlos. 
> 
> This Emma Paylor and Brinna Paylor (from Building the Dream over on ff.net) have very little in common. This Paylor is more Paula Dean, rounder and more soft spoken, than Laura Roslin. Laura is the President on Battlestar Gallactica. Some of Brinna Paylor (from Building the Dream) is based on her. That is the reason that I did not use the same name for both characters.
> 
> Streeter is based on a person I worked with – Streeter is his nickname. He is a surfer and helped me with both surfer jargon and sent me pictures of California surf until I had more than enough material. Although he does not quite talk like the Streeter I depict, he does have a bit of the surfer dialect.
> 
> Prim here is loosely based on my niece. She has many piercings and tattoos and I tried to capture my Mom's horror at finding out about all of them.
> 
> Peeta's house is based on a house fairly close to Dog Beach in Del Mar. It's not right on the beach…but it's lovely.
> 
> The inside of Mellark's is loosely based on a bakery off of Del Mar Heights Road.
> 
> USC and UCLA are a famous cross-town rivalry in Los Angeles. I'll let you figure out which side I favor based on who I sent where. (Alexander Ludwig (Cato) from the first THG movie actually goes to USC.)
> 
> My original plan was for Katniss to have a dog (golden retriever) named Gale. WaffleNinja advised against it, and the idea was dropped. That idea was later resurrected in Honky Tonk.
> 
> The idea of Prim "blowing up" with Cato came to me one night: I wanted an event that would forever change Prim for Katniss. It couldn't be literal (just like Katniss couldn't be a real hunter) because they lived in So. Cal. I wanted something akin to that moment of let –down when someone you really respect falls from grace. Cato was it.
> 
> Playlist:
> 
> I listed to a LOT of the following while writing this story. I wanted summer music that made me feel like a kid:
> 
> One Direction
> 
> Carly Rae Jepsen
> 
> Katy Perry
> 
> Peter Frampton
> 
> Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
> 
> 3 Doors Down (Here Without You) is the soundtrack for the June breakup scene
> 
> Sighing39 asked me about a playlist for that last chapter and I'll go one better. The Prom sequence was actually written to Michael Buble's version of Sway. The final lemon-y scene was written to Enigma and Seal and Janet Jackson (Anytime, Anyplace and If I Was Your Girl)
> 
> Acknowledgements:
> 
> All of you – the readers – deserve my thanks. Feedback is always welcome.


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